Red Paintings on a Porcelain Canvas
by Diamond Rose Black
Summary: So this is a Dean/Cas story. It takes place in a high school AU. It involves a depressed, self-harming Cas.
1. Chapter 1

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Dean Winchester groaned as his alarm clock informed him that it was 7:00 in the morning, and therefore time to face another year of the monotony that was high school. On the bright side, it was now his senior year, meaning this was the last year that Dean would have to go through of pointless busy work and bitchy teachers. On the not so bright side, it was now his bother, Sam's, freshman year, which would mean Dean would have to play babysitter for the next two semesters.

It wasn't that he didn't love Sammy, it was just that Dean liked some time to himself for a change. He had been enjoying the opportunity to be his own person at school without his kid brother being in the same building. Whenever Sam was around, Dean had a tendency to drop everything and focus on the kid. Protect him. Watch over him. Be a good brother. And sometimes Dean would rather just focus on trying to bang hot girls.

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

"Ugh," Dean groaned, lazily stretching his arm out to silence the deafening alarm clock. Unfortunately, the clock was just a bit out of his reach and he ended up on the floor in his attempt at peace and quiet. "Just peachy.." Dean muttered groggily from the floor of his bedroom. Who knew that simply trying to wake up would result in him losing a fight with both gravity and his irksome alarm clock?

"GOD, ASSHOLE, WOULD YOU TURN THAT THING OFF ALREADY?" Sam yelled from down the hall.

"I'M WORKING ON IT, BITCH!" Dean screeched back, resignedly getting up from his burrito of blankets and turning off the alarm. Rubbing his eyes, Dean staggered down the hall to the bathroom for his morning pee, passing his brother in the hallway. Of course Sammy was already bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, dressed and ready for his first day of high school. Dean had to admit, his eagerness was kind of cute, if it wasn't so annoying.

After a quick shower and some checking himself out in the mirror, Dean sauntered downstairs to the kitchen to grab a bite before driving himself and his brother to school.

"Morning, Hot Shot," Dean's father, John, said to him from the kitchen table.

"Morning, Dad," Dean replied, with a mouthful of toast from his brother's plate.

"Don't be late to school," John warned. "And don't forget your brother after school. I know you're not used to driving someone else home. I don't want you to leave him stranded on his first day of high school."

John and Dean chuckled while Sam sarcastically pouted. "I'm not a baby anymore, guys. I'm in high school now," Sam pointed out smugly.

"Yeah," Dean grinned. "No one better mess with you, you big, tough high schooler, you." Sam stuck his tongue out while his father and older brother smirked at his expense.

"Alright," Dean said. "Come on, kiddo, let's get on to school."

After a quick drive that included the Winchester brothers rocking out and singing along to ACDC, the boys pulled into the school parking lot. "Alright, Sammy," Dean said. "This is it, I guess. If anyone gives you trouble, you let me know, yeah? Oh, and try not to be too much of a teacher's pet. Chicks don't dig that. So, yeah, have fun."

"Yeah, sure," Sam smirked. He flashed his older brother a quick smile before nervously walking toward the building, hands tightly gripping his backpack straps.

Dean fondly watched his little brother until his attention was claimed by a really shiny white car that had just pulled in. Three kids had just clamored out, except they all looked incredibly mature; "kids" didn't seem to be the right word to describe them. They all looked similar, so he guessed they were all siblings. They seemed so perfect. They were definitely new around here. There were two boys and a girl. Dean glimpsed another guy in the drivers seat, who was now driving away after dropping his siblings off, Dean guessed. The girl seemed to be the youngest. She was gorgeous, with bright red hair and huge, mesmerizing eyes. The next youngest appeared to be a boy with dark hair and a permanent smirk in his features. The one that stuck out the most, though, was the other boy. He was wearing a trench coat and looked to be about Dean's age and even from a distance, Dean was stunned by the intensity of his bright blue eyes. Dean caught himself staring, which was weird. I mean, Dean was known to stare rudely sometimes, but it was usually at attractive women. He didn't know what was so intriguing to him about this new boy.

Without warning, the blue-eyed boy suddenly returned his stare and Dean actually felt his breath catch. He felt like the boy was looking right through him and something in his eyes made Dean uncomfortable yet safe at the same time. Just as quickly, though, the boy looked away again and Dean was left standing by his car wondering who the hell these people were.

After pushing the parking lot's weird encounter to the back of his mind, Dean made his way up to his first class of the day: English. You know, he really hated English, and whatever twisted psycho thought it was a bright idea to make him start every Monday morning with it really deserved to be locked up somewhere.

Upon entering the classroom, Dean shoved toward the back of the room, winking at a couple of cute girls on the way. Dean wasn't really one for social interaction, but he didn't mind "interacting" with some hot girls, if you know what I mean.

The majority of the class was already settled into their seats when the boy from the parking lot walked in. Glided in, actually, probably more accurately described it. The way he moved was just so graceful. It was kind of disconcerting. Oddly, he was still wearing his trench coat, even though Dean thought it was kind of hot in the classroom. The blue-eyed, tench coat-wearing boy nervously eyed the room and eventually made his way toward the back of the room. He stopped at the empty seat next to Dean and muttered, "Do you mind if I sit next to you?"

"Um, no," Dean replied. After awkwardly trying not to stare at the other boy, Dean turned to face him. "My name's Dean. Dean Winchester. You're new."

"Yes," the other boy stated. After a pause he turned to face Dean more openly. "I'm Castiel. Castiel Novak."

Castiel was looking at Dean with those intent blue eyes and Dean found himself at a slight loss for words, which, to be honest, was kind of out of character for him.

"So," he cleared his throat, "Castiel, huh? That's... different."

Castiel smirked in what seemed to Dean to be in a kind of sad way, "Well my family is... different," Castiel replied.

Dean was left wondering what that meant because, at that moment, the teacher decided to start class. Dean wasn't really sure what the teacher was going on about - probably just the usual first day crap. He was busy drawing pictures of eyes on his notebook. Dean liked to draw during class. He found it more interesting than the shit that was being taught.

"Those are rather good." Dean jumped a bit, not expecting his new acquaintance to notice his doodles.

"Oh, yeah," Dean blushed. "Thanks."

"You're welcome," Castiel said, with a small smile.

"So," Dean whispered, figuring a conversation with the new kid would be more entertaining than whatever crap the English teacher was preaching, "What brings your family to Lawrence, Kansas?"

"Oh," Castiel stuttered, his hands twitching nervously, "My mother is sick. The doctors said that moving some place fresh and new might help her."

"Ah," Dean replied. "So, what do you think?"

"What do you mean?" Castiel asked.

Dean, not sure what was so complicated about that question, answered, "I mean, what do you think of the town? And the people and stuff. Do you like it? Do you think it will help?"

Castiel shrugged. "Frankly, I don't see how a new place is supposed to help anything. But I guess I don't know anything."

Dean saw more sadness in those bright blue eyes but let the subject drop. Castiel looked embarrassed and the two didn't chat anymore until class was over.

At the sound of the bell, Dean gathered up his books and, out of the corner of his eye, was vaguely aware of Castiel doing the same. On a whim, he said, "Hey, Cas, so what does the rest of your schedule look like?"

Castiel blinked, then handed Dean his schedule. Dean looked it over and saw that they had a few more classes together, as well as the same lunch hour. "Looks like we have lunch, physics, and art together too. Why don't you find me at lunch and we can sit together?"

Cas scrutinized Dean for a second, then his face betrayed a small flicker of a smile. "Okay," he said. "I'll see you then, Dean."

"Sure, Cas," Dean replied, watching the other boy as he glided out of the room in his trench coat. Dean didn't know why, but he really wanted to see more of this boy, talk to him more, know him. It was weird, but Dean thought he liked it. A small smile wormed its way onto Dean's features as he picked up his books and headed toward his next class.


	2. Chapter 2

"Finally," Dean breathed a sigh of relief as the bell released him from the torture that is math class. The day was already half over, and going surprisingly well for a Monday. Even better was the fact that it was lunch time, Dean's favorite time of any day.

Dean sauntered into the cafeteria, only to be approached by Jo. Jo Harvelle had been nursing a crush on Dean since they were in elementary school and she was a persistent kind of girl. Dean just wasn't super interested. Sure, she was cute-ish, but they had hooked up a couple of times and he wasn't really interested in anything more. Especially today.

"Hey, Dean," Jo beamed. "I haven't talked to you in a while. How are you?"

"Good, Jo," Dean answered as politely as he could muster. He then moved past her and into the lunch line. He spotted pie up ahead, and a pie-filled Dean was a happy Dean.

Jo, it seemed, was not as easily distracted. Apparently, she was determined not to let pie come in between her and Dean Winchester. "So, Dean," she said, falling into line behind Dean, "I had a kind of a question for you."

Unfortunately for Jo, Dean didn't even know that Jo was talking to him. He was too busy staring at someone else. Dean had spotted Cas at the other side of the cafeteria. Something about Cas was making Dean stare. Cas looked nervous and scared and small, which seemed weird to Dean since Cas was so beautifully graceful and such. Dean forgot about his pie and went to go meet Cas, leaving Jo standing alone awkwardly.

"Um, okay," Jo stammered. "I'll ask you another time, Dean." After mumbling to herself she sighed and walked away.

"Hey, Cas!" Dean said, beaming. "How's the day going?" Dean wasn't really sure why all of a sudden he was so bubbly, but he figured it was a good thing since Cas looked so nervous. If he was excited and happy, maybe it would rub off on Cas?

"Um, it is going alright," Cas replied, forcing a smile onto his face. "Should we sit?"

"Oh, yeah," Dean said, putting down his tray and sliding onto the bench. He then noticed that Cas didn't have any food. "Wait, don't you want to eat something?"

"Oh," Cas looked uncomfortable. "No, it's fine, I'm not hungry."

"Oh," Dean said, not really able to fathom that concept. In an attempt to strike up conversation, Dean continued, "So, got any siblings?"

"Yes," Castiel smiled. "I have a little sister named Anna; she's a freshman. I also have a younger brother named Gabriel who is a junior. Then I have an older brother named Michael who is taking college classes online at the moment so he can live at home with us."

"Fun stuff," said Dean. "I have a little brother named Sam. He's a freshman like Anna. I also have a half brother named Adam, but he lives in Minnesota. He's ten. I haven't seen him since he was eight, I think, though. He lives with his mom. We get together on holidays sometimes and he and Sammy are avid pen pals. He adores Sammy." Dean smirked and then crammed French fries into his mouth.

Castiel was smiling at Dean's description. "So I'm assuming your parents are divorced? Who do you live with?" After a moment went by without Dean answering, Cas blushed and continued, "Sorry, I guess that's an insensitive question. You don't have to answer."

"No, no, it's fine," Dean smiled reassuringly. "No, my mom died when I was four. Sammy was just a baby. There was a fire. It sucked. We had to move." Dean fidgeted a bit, then changed the subject. "So what are your parents like?"

Now it was Cas's turn to fidget. "Uh, we'll my dad is really strict. He expects his children to be quite perfect. My siblings are pretty good at it, too. My mom is very sick and we don't really talk about it. She stays in bed."

"What's your mom sick with?" Dean pried.

Cas sighed, "She's bipolar and she's too depressed to function or even bathe herself."

"Oh," Dean said. Cas looked at the floor, embarrassed. "So," Dean said, changing the subject, "we both have physics after this, right?"

"Yeah," Cas replied, eager to switch the topic of conversation. Cas was feeling restless, so he stood up and stretched his legs. "Here," he said to Dean, "I'll throw this away for you."

When he was picking up Dean's tray, the sleeve of his trench coat rode up a bit, revealing who knows how many straight red lines on Cas's wrist. In a second, the coat was covering them again, and Dean wasn't really sure what he saw and Cas was walking away.

"So, physics?" Cas said when he got back. Dean nodded and the two walked off, Dean still wondering about those red lines and wondering if they were what he thought they were.

Physics proved to be a torturously boring class, so Dean found himself chatting with Cas for the majority of it. Dean was surprised; he didn't usually socialize much, especially with other guys. Usually the only people he bothered pretending to get to know were girls that he wanted to sleep with. But Cas was unlike anyone else he had ever met. Cas would ask the weirdest, most interesting questions. And he would have the weirdest, most interesting answers to Dean's questions. Dean found himself much less bored when he was with Cas.

Dean found out that Cas was an artist; a real artist, not just a doodler like Dean. He found out that Cas loved the rain. He found out that if Cas could have any super power, he would want the ability to fly. He found out that Cas's favorite color was silver. He found out that Cas had a cat named Angel. And he found out that Cas was really really attractive.

The idea struck him when the two were chatting and these two girls, Meg and Ruby, were giggling and making eyes at Cas. Dean felt himself getting oddly jealous, and he at first thought it was because the girls were hot and usually they would be making eyes at him. But that wasn't it, because he noticed that the girls were checking out both him and Cas. Then Dean realized how attractive Cas really was. He guessed he had kind of already noticed, which was probably why he kept staring, but as those girls were undressing Cas with their eyes, Dean was noticing how perfectly Cas's dark hair fell into place, how soft yet bright his caring blue eyes were, how perfectly his lips were shaped, how his body looked like a statue of a Greek god, how his muscles..

"Okay, wow, Dean," Dean thought to himself. "Could your thoughts be any more gay?"

Dean strictly slept only with women. He was kind of in denial of the fact that some men were incredibly attractive too. He knew that he had a bit of a fascination with some men, but they were usually celebrities. He'd never actually been legit attracted to a guy he actually knew. Plus, he was sure Cas didn't roll that way, and what would people think if Dean Winchester had sex with a dude?

"I think those girls over there like you," Cas said, pointing at Meg and Ruby. Meg and Ruby blushed and promptly looked away, but not before Meg suggestively winked at Cas.

Dean laughed, "Um, no, I think they like you, Hot Shot."

Cas reddened, "That's awkward. Maybe someone should tell them I'm into men."

Dean paused, stunned. So maybe Cas did roll that way.

Cas reddened even more, "Oh, sorry," he said. "I thought you knew. I mean, people have been talking about it."

"Oh, no," Dean said. "Don't apologize. I just didn't know. I don't socialize much, I guess. Or maybe I don't pay attention." Dean laughed. "But no, seriously, it's cool. I'm gay too. Well, bi, actually."

"WHAT THE FUCK, DEAN!" Dean screamed at himself, in his head. "NO ONE KNOWS THAT, I DON'T EVEN KNOW THAT! WHY AM I TELLING THIS TO A KID I BARELY EVEN KNOW?"

"Oh," Cas said, surprised, but smiling. "You don't seem it."

"Yeah, well no one knows," Dean stammered. "And I do mean, NO ONE. So please don't tell anyone?"

"Of course," Cas said.

Dean could feel his face getting really red, so he was beyond relieved when the bell rang and he was able to mumble a quick goodbye to Cas and walk out that door into a sea of people that didn't know his secret.

After school, Dean waited around by his car for Sam to show up, determined to heed his dad's warning and not leave his little brother stranded on his first day of high school. He noticed Castiel's two younger siblings, Gabriel and Anna, waiting around for their older brother, Michael to pick them up. Dean wondered where Cas was. He watched as the shiny white car pulled up, Gabriel and Anna got in, and the car drove off, without Cas. Dean thought that was a bit weird.

It wasn't long before Sam showed up, bouncy and bubbly, excitedly relaying his first day of high school to his older brother. Dean smiled as he listened to Sam's chatter about science class, this cute girl named Jessica, and his new friend named Barry. About a block before the Winchester's reached their house, Dean thought he saw a small brunette figure in a trench coat heading into the woods alone, but rather than interrupt Sammy's happy memories, he kept driving until the two were home.

Sam ran inside, shouting that he was hungry for a sandwich, and Dean told him that he was going for a quick walk. Dean walked back in the direction he had just driven, in search of the trench coated boy whom he was sure was Cas. He found the section of woods he had seen Cas walk into, and he promptly walked in himself.

The world instantly got darker as he entered the forest, everything taking on a mysterious tint of green. He could hear the rustling of insects and small animals as well as the chirp of birds and the crunch of his own footsteps. He followed a faint path, hoping that Cas had followed it to. He was rather enjoying himself getting lost in the remoteness of nature and the mysteriousness of the atmosphere.

Then he saw the other boy up ahead, kneeling on his knees with his head downcast. Dean didn't want to seem creepy or scare him, so he inched forward quietly, hoping Cas was okay. When he got within a few paces of Castiel, he noticed that the sleeves of his trench coat were rolled up, and there were more red lines there than Dean would have ever cared to imagine and some of them were freshly bleeding.

"Holy shit, Cas," Dean breathed.

Cas jumped about a foot into the air and turned to face Dean, his eyes wide with shock and fear. Dean also noticed tears rolling down his face.

"Shit, Dean, what are you doing here?" Cas replied, hurriedly pulling down his sleeves and wiping his face.

"Um," Dean stammered, trying to sound as non-stalker-ish as possible, "I saw you come in here and I thought maybe I'd follow you."

"Good job, Dean," Dean thought to himself. "Way to sound non-stalker-ish."

"Oh," Cas said. "Um, why?"

"I don't know," Dean said honestly, blushing a little. "But, hey, do you want to come back to my house and work on some homework together? I really hate doing homework by myself and I could use the motivation that company provides."

"Sure," Cas said, still shaking a little.

"Good," Dean smiled, relieved that Cas didn't seem to be creeped out by Dean following him. As they walked back toward the Winchester house, Dean looked over at a now fully-composed Cas and wondered what could make the other boy hate himself so much that he felt the need to do what Dean had seen him doing to his arms.


	3. Chapter 3

Dean and Castiel walked through the door of the Winchester's home to find Sam sitting at the kitchen table already absorbed in his advanced math homework.

"Aw, look at you, ya little nerd," Dean fondly teased. "Better hurry up, that math homework ain't gonna finish itself."

Sam rolled his eyes. "You know, maybe you should actually do your homework ahead of time like me every once in a while. But that is probably too smart for someone like you to think of."

Dean smirked. "Nice burn, Sammy." Dean walked over to the refrigerator and pulled out a coke. "Cas, do you want anything?"

"No thanks," Cas shifted uncomfortably.

"Who's this?" Sam asked, noticing Castiel for the first time.

"Sammy, this is my new friend Cas," Dean said. "Cas, Sammy. Sam, Cas."

"Stop calling me Sammy, Dean," Sam said irritatedly. He then turned to Cas, "If he tries to get you to call me Sammy, don't listen. He just likes to piss me off. It's Sam."

Dean shook his head then said to Cas, "No, I can assure you, it's Sammy. It's on his birth certificate and everything." Dean nodded seriously.

Sam rolled his eyes. "Since when do you bring friends home from school anyway? I thought the only people you hung out with were girls that you want to sleep with?"

Dean blushed. "We'll excuse me for trying to be friendly to the new kid in town. Sheesh. Hey, Cas, why don't we head up to my room. Give this kid some alone time with his girlfriend."

"Very funny, Dean!" Sam called up the stairs, after processing Dean's insult.

Cas was smiling when the two got to Dean's room. "Sorry it's a bit of a mess," Dean said, embarrassed. "Like Sammy said, I don't usually have people over."

"Speaking of what Sam said," Cas smirked, "you sleep with a lot of girls, huh?"

"Er, I guess," Dean muttered. "What about you? How long you been gay for?"

"I've been gay my whole life, Dean," Cas laughed. "I kissed a girl once when I was nine. She was wearing this vile lip gloss and it made me spit. I've only ever kissed guys since."

"Lip gloss can be a bitch," Dean nodded, grinning.

"So, you ever kissed a dude?" Cas asked curiously.

Dean blushed, "No. Like I said, you're the only person who knows that I'm bi."

Cas nodded understandingly. "Well, if it's any consolation, I haven't kissed many guys either."

Dean snorted. "Are you kidding me? An attractive guy like you hasn't been fucking every sexy gay ass in town?"

Cas blinked, "Attractive? Are YOU kidding me? Nah, I'm still a virgin. It's hard to find any sexy, interested gay guys."

"I'm sure it's not THAT hard," Dean said, looking at Cas's gorgeous blue eyes and inviting pink lips. "You're probably just not looking hard enough." Dean realized he was staring and quickly changed the subject. "So are we going to talk about what I saw earlier in the woods, or no?"

Castiel's eyes clouded over. "How about no. No offense, but I barely know you, Dean. You didn't see anything, okay?"

Dean blinked. "Uh, well, I DID see something. I saw fucking blood all over your arms, dude."

"No, you didn't," Cas looked hard at Dean, anger in his eyes.

"Alright," Dean sighed. "I didn't see anything. So, wanna do some homework or what?"

"Of course," Cas said. "That's why I'm here."

Dean watched as Cas pulled out his books from his backpack. He stared at Cas's trench coat-covered arms. He knew what was under there. He just didn't know why someone as smart and beautiful as Cas had dozens of gashes on his skin.

"So, English," Cas said, getting right down to business. "The teacher said that we're going to start reading Hamlet tomorrow so we need to do some research on William Shakespeare tonight."

"Ugh, research," Dean groaned. "How about let's not and say we did?"

"But then we wouldn't learn anything," Cas said, confused.

"Yeah but I don't really think learning the life story of William Shakespeare is going to do me any real good in life," Dean pointed out.

"It might," Cas retorted. "You never know."

"Yeah, whatever, Cas," Dean said, rolling his eyes. "Since you're so excited about research, why don't you get started while I put on some music?"

"How are we supposed to do our work with music blaring?" Cas asked, astounded.

"It's called multi-tasking," Dean grinned. "Come on, it makes it so much more fun!"

"Fine," Cas said agitatedly, shaking his head. "But the second it ruins your focus, we're turning it off!"

"Okay!" Dean said, beaming. He went to his stereo and turned it on, releasing the wild melodies of Aerosmith into the air. Dean was bobbing his head and dancing to the music while Cas was typing some research shit into the computer.

"DREAM ON, DREAM ON, DREAM O-O-O-O-O-O-ONNNN," Dean wailed, dramatically playing air guitar to accompany his vocal solo.

The door to Dean's room opened a crack and John's head peeked in. "Dean, do you mind impersonating Steven Tyler someplace that won't make your family's ears bleed? Besides, I'm sure you have -" Dean's father paused upon seeing Castiel sitting at Dean's desk. "Oh, I didn't know you had a friend over?"

"Oh, yeah, Dad, this is Cas," Dean said, hopping down from his pseudo-stage (his bed) and pointing to Cas.

"Hello, Mr. Winchester," Cas smiled politely.

"Hey, Cas, nice to meet you," John returned. "Dean, please don't scare your friend away with your ear-piercing screeching. He's not going to ever want to come back."

Cas smiled slightly. "It's okay, Mr. Winchester, I don't really mind. It's the only way for him to entertain himself and when Dean isn't entertained he starts to pester others insufferably, so it's kind of unavoidable."

John started laughing. "That is so true!"

Dean glared at the both of them and then turned to Cas, "So how's our William Shakespeare research going?"

Cas smirked, "Well, MY William Shakespeare research is going quite well, but you don't seem to have started yours."

Dean's face fell. "Aw, come on, Cas, don't be like that! I'm helping! I'm providing you with brain food - the music helps feed the intellectual juices of your brain. Yeah, so whatever research you've got, I deserve half credit for, if not more!"

Cas snorted, "Brain food, my ass."

Dean blinked and John shook with laughter.

"Oh," Cas blushed crimson, "Sorry, Mr. Winchester! I mean, 'brain food, what a ridiculous notion'?"

John grinned, "It's okay, kid. I couldn't have said it better myself. I like you, you should be here more often."

Cas beamed, "Thanks, Mr. Winchester!"

"Sure, kid," John said, shaking his head and chuckling as he closed the door behind him.

"Wow," Cas said, still grinning. "Dean, do you have any idea how neat your family is?"

Dean was smiling too. "I dunno, I guess I never really thought about it. But yeah, they're pretty great."

Cas looked down and started blushing a little. "Hey, Dean?"

"Yeah?"

"Would you mind if I came over here more? After school? It's so much better than my place, so..."

"Of course, dude! Having company is fun," Dean exclaimed. "Usually the only source of entertainment I have is Sammy and he starts to get immune to my teasing after a while."

"Thanks, Dean," Cas smiled.

"Anytime, Cas."

Dean clapped Castiel on the back and moved to stand behind him and look at the computer screen. "So, how can I help with this Shakespeare shit?"


	4. Chapter 4

The next morning, Dean happily sprung out of bed before his alarm clock even thought about going off. Dean didn't know why, but he was just happy this morning. The night before, Cas had hung out with him and his family until about 11 pm, when John reluctantly realized that it was probably time for Cas to be home. They had been enjoying a Back to the Future movie marathon, which the Winchesters were mortified to hear that Castiel had never seen. So after the second movie and John's insistence that Cas make it home before his parents get upset, Dean had driven Cas home while the two of them rocked out to "The Power of Love" and talked about time travel.

"Dude, can you even imagine how cool it would be to, like, see your parents before you had even been born?" Dean had said in wonder. "And you could even meet them but they wouldn't know it was you and it'd be the weirdest shit ever."

"It would be highly unusual," Castiel had agreed. "But I find it hard to believe that a Dolorian would have the power to bend time. I think it would take something much more powerful to accomplish something impossible like that."

"Like what, some sort of supernatural creature?" Dean had said teasingly.

"Well of course not," Castiel had replied. "There's no such thing. But, I mean, if time travel WERE real, then it would take something superhuman to make it happen, not a piece of machinery and a man with unruly hair."

"You're not supposed to analyze the movie, Cas," Dean had remarked, laughing. "You're supposed to enjoy it and bask in the power of the catchy music."

When Dean had gotten to Castiel's house, Cas seemed very reluctant to leave and his eyes were sad when he turned to Dean. "Thanks, Dean," he had said, his eyes implying more weight than a simple "thanks for the ride."

"No problem, Cas," Dean had replied, with genuine affection in his voice. Even though he'd just met the guy, it felt like he was a friend Dean had known forever. Like family. Only better.

Dean had then promised Cas he'd meet up with him at school the next day and he'd watched Cas walk into his house before pulling away.

Now the next day was here, and Dean couldn't wait to tell Cas about the crazy dream he'd had last night about Cas pulling him back in time and him meeting his dad and his mom and his mom was a total badass who hunted monsters or something and he was also pretty sure there were angels involved...

However, he did NOT want to tell Castiel about how the dream had shifted and the song "The Power of Love" was playing as him and Cas went back in time again to the Wild West and they were dressed as cowboys and DAMN Cas made a fucking hot cowboy and they were square dancing and then out of no where they were up in each other's personal space and Cas had this look on his face like he was staring into Dean's soul, and he was wearing a fucking COWBOY hat and Dean just... well, before he knew it, Dean's subconscious had him on a bed with Cas and they had somehow lost most of their cowboy get up but Cas was still wearing the hat and, god, there was RIDING involved, because, well, cowboys, and just Dean didn't want to think about that anymore because he was getting uncomfortably warm below the belt.

After worrying over the fact that it probably isn't customary to think of how sexy of a cowboy one's new friend is, Dean pushed the dream to the back of his mind and clamored down to the kitchen. Man, was he hungry.

John and Sam were already sitting at the table, munching on toast and oatmeal respectively. Dean dug around in the pantry before finding himself some pop tarts and plopping himself down next to Sam at the table.

"Dean," Sam sighed, "you know, pop tarts are really not healthy at all."

Dean met Sam's disapproving stare with an eye roll. "It's okay. With this hot bod, I can afford some junk food."

John smirked. "You're going to be fat one day, kid."

Dean shook his head emphatically. "Nope. I work out, bruh." And with that, he hopped out of his seat, threw his pop tart wrapper away, and bolted up the stairs, calling over his shoulder as he went, "SAMMY! BE READY TO GO IN FIVE MINUTES!"

When the boys were almost to school, Sam interrupted the dulcet tones of Def Leppard to say, "Hey, Dean, is your friend Cas gonna come over again today?"

Dean blushed a bit and, hoping his brother didn't notice, replied, "Yeah, hopefully."

Sam smiled. "Good. I like him. Plus we need to watch the third Back to the Future movie. And then we need to make sure he's seen Star Wars because something tells me he lacks the proper pop culture education."

Dean snorted. "Dude, yes. It's our personal duty to finish popping his Back to the Future cherry and to pop any further cherries that come up."

Sam smirked and Dean blushed at what he'd just said. "Dude, I mean related to movies and shit he hasn't seen. Mind out of the gutter, you little pervert."

Sam held his hands up in surrender, still grinning, while Dean's traitor of a mind wandered into the whole "popping the cherry" fantasy and then the cowboy hat was back and Dean just gripped the steering wheel tighter and tried to sing along to "Armageddon It."

Dean's first class of the day was algebra, and DAMN, that was dreadful. The only thing that got him through it was knowing that he had art with Castiel right after. He ended up sitting next to this girl named Lisa during math and she was really cute and seemed to be into him, but for some reason Dean couldn't stop thinking that her dark brown eyes were really boring in comparison to Cas's shining turquoise eyes and this concerned him. While Dean had admitted to Cas that he was bi, that certainly didn't mean he was ready to admit it to himself. He was absolutely not okay with fantasizing about another dude day and night and not even being able to find a sexy girl interesting enough anymore.

While Dean liked to act as if he didn't give a shit what anyone else thought, he totally did. He had crafted this image of himself as this macho manly guy who didn't take shit from anyone and who was a total womanizer and that was just who Dean Winchester was and he was sexy and he was a man. He was a man. And men were in control and they didn't think about other men. Not about other men in sexy cowboy hats riding them, anyway. And Dean was manly as fuck, so he needed to stop this growing Castiel obsession.

"Hey, Lisa," Dean said, turning on his charm like a switch. "Do you wanna go out with me?"

Lisa was surprised, but she smiled and her eyelashes fluttered a little bit with girlish excitement. "Sure," she said, her hands twirling her hair nervously.

"Cool," Dean said, as the bell rang. He realized that art class was next and his heart skipped a beat when he remembered that art class meant Cas and now that he was fully determined not to think of Cas that way anymore, he was totally ready to see his new friend and make plans to watch more awesome movies and shit.

When he got to the art room, Cas was already there and sitting at a table by himself. He looked so worn out and exhausted that Dean could feel his own face fall as he looked at Cas. Castiel was slouching in his seat, his eyes on the ground, and his fingers dancing nervously over each other. His face looked pained and his eyes were full of anxiety and sorrow and Dean felt his own soul twitch in pain.

Then Castiel looked up and became aware of Dean and his countenance abruptly changed. He smiled and waved Dean over and Dean's worry eased a bit. Maybe he was just imagining Cas's distress. Cas seemed fine now. However, Dean had far from forgotten the cuts he had seen all over Castiel's arms.

The problem was, Dean didn't quite know how to bring up the subject again and help Cas. Because he really wanted to help him. He genuinely cared. But Cas had gotten so pissed the last time he had brought it up. Dean didn't know what to do and he was worried.

Regardless, he put on his smile and sauntered over to Cas. "Hey, man," Dean said. "How's life been since I last saw ya?"

Cas returned his smile. "It's been pretty standard. I slept for 7 hours, then I rose and rode to school with my siblings. Then I went to advanced calculus and then I came here."

Dean marveled at the advanced calculus part. "Dude, I barely know how to add and subtract, I don't know how the fuck you're able to pull off advanced calculus."

Cas smiled proudly. "It's really not so hard," he said humbly.

"Yeah, for a genius like you," Dean responded. "Oh man," Dean snorted. "Do you want to hear about my super crazy dream last night?"

"Sure, Dean," Cas said, leaning forward and resting his head in his hand.

With Cas sitting in that position, his trench coat sleeve rolled up a bit and Dean could see a bandage wrapped around Cas's wrist. Dean's eyes clouded over. He reached for Cas's wrist and pulled up his sleeve.

"Cas, what happened?" He inquired, eyes filled with worry.

Cas shuffled and moisture begin to congregate in his eyes. "Nothing," he stammered. "I just - I went to far and it -" tears were starting to fall down his face now and he was shaking. "I don't know - I didn't mean to, and I... it still hurts and... please don't be mad at me." Cas was looking up at Dean with wide eyes full of fear and Dean's heart just kind of melted.

"Cas, why would I be mad at you?" Dean asked, patting Castiel's shoulder. He noticed a guy a couple of tables over eying Cas's tears and smirking. They still had a couple minutes before class started and the teacher was no where to be found yet, so Dean grabbed his and Cas's books and headed for the door.

"Come on, Cas. I think skipping art class today will be good for our health."

Castiel wiped his cheeks with his sleeve and followed Dean, nervously looking around. Dean realized with amusement that Cas had probably never skipped class before and his nervousness at such a simple misdemeanor was entertaining.

Dean led them to the bathroom and when they got inside, Dean put their books down and motioned Cas to come to the sink with him. Castiel walked over to Dean and Dean reached for his injured wrist again. He pulled up Cas's sleeve and began to unwrap the bandage.

"Tell me what happened, Cas," he said while gently working on the wrappings.

Castiel twitched nervously but seemed to sigh as his resolve weakened and he decided to trust Dean. "Last night, when - when I got home... my father was... mad."

Dean had successfully unwrapped the bandage at this point and was shocked to see a vertical gash running along Castiel's vein caked with dried blood. The unwrapping of the bandage had loosened a bit of the scab and some fresh red blood began to drift out of the cut and Dean's breath caught at how fast the blood gushed.

Castiel was just staring at the wound, his face blank. Dean knew it must hurt, but Cas seemed unfazed. Dean was determined not to show how much this freaked him out, so he turned to get a paper towel, ran it under the water for a few seconds, then brought it to Cas's wound. He gingerly began to clean up the wet and dry blood as he asked, "Why was your father mad?"

Cas was staring at Dean's hands as they tended to his wound. "He was mad because I am a failure," Cas said in a heart-breakingly tiny voice.

Dean's eyes flashed. "You are not a failure, Cas," he said angrily. "Why the fuck would your dad even say that?"

Castiel sighed. "I have been having problems for a while now. My mother's illness and my father's coldness have made me unable to cope. My inadequacies overwhelm me and it's exacerbated by the fact that my siblings are unaffected by our situation. I've become the weakling and when my father found out about my self harm a few weeks ago he became very angry and has been taking it out on me ever since."

Something snapped inside Dean. "You mean.. does he beat you Cas?"

"No, not like that," Castiel says. "He just yells at me and sometimes he throws things... He's just having a difficult time coping. He loves his wife and she is sick and he is stressed."

Dean did not find any of those to be a good enough excuse for Mr. Novak's behavior, but he thought that saying so might upset Cas, who seemed to want to defend his father. "So, what happened last night that made you do this?"

Cas's eyes got wet again. "My.. my sister - Anna.." his voice was shaking and he took a deep breath to steady himself. "She didn't mean to - it was an accident. She was talking to Gabriel and she.. she mentioned my sexuality and... my father - he - he heard her, and... he hadn't known before, and he.. he - he yelled at me as soon as I walked through the door and he..." Tears were running down Cas's face at this point. "He yanked my hair and he screamed at me and he told me I didn't deserve to be his son and he... he told me he wouldn't love me if I wasn't straight and he told me I was an - an abomination and I fell and I - I curled into a ball because I was scared and he just - he picked me up and he threw me.. and then he spit on me and he - he told me he wished I was dead."

Dean opened his mouth to speak but Cas shook his head and continued. It seemed he didn't want to stop now that he was on a roll and finally telling somebody everything.

"So then, I - I ran out of the house and I sprinted and I sprinted and it started raining and I didn't even feel it and I ran and I ran and it felt like I was flying and I just wanted to fly forever but I knew that I couldn't and I finally grew tired and I collapsed in the middle of the road. I wanted a car to drive by and not see me and just run me over so my family would not have to be burdened by me anymore. I waited and waited but a car would not come. Then I realized that nothing was going to save me - a car wasn't going to come and save me from life because I'm not that lucky. I don't deserve it. So I knew I was going to have to save myself and I pulled out the razor I keep in my pocket and I cut deeper than I've ever cut before and it hurt but I deserved it and I dug so far into my skin I could feel it tingling in my fingers and the world was spinning but I felt like I was flying again so I dragged the blade in further and deeper and the blood poured out like a waterfall and I was flying..."

Dean listened with horror and felt his eyes wetting a little but he let Cas continue until he was done because he knew Cas needed to get this out. He was finished cleaning Cas's wound and now he was wrapping it back up gently and firmly. Years of tending to Sammy's scrapes and small wounds had made Dean quite an adequate nurse.

Cas continued, "but then the flying wasn't good anymore and it - it felt like I was falling and I couldn't control the flying and I was losing myself and it became dark and I finally felt the pain and it HURT and I couldn't do it anymore and I thought for sure I would die there in the middle of the road. But then I remember opening my eyes and the sun was starting to rise and I knew I needed to get home because my father would kill me if he knew - if he knew what I had done. I snuck in through the window and I wrapped my arm up and I went to school with my siblings and I acted like nothing was wrong but, Dean, everything's wrong. And I don't know why I'm telling you this and I'm sure you don't even care but everything is very very wrong and I don't know if I can keep doing this because I just want things to be right and I don't think they will get there. I'm drowning in wrong, Dean."

Castiel closed his eyes and his tears were flowing down his face and Dean just stared. He was having trouble breathing. He honestly didn't know how to help - he'd never experienced anything like this before. He was overwhelmed by the pain he could feel in Cas's heart. He just wanted Cas to be okay. And he was full of fury toward Cas's father. How could he treat his son like that? The only father Dean had ever known was John and John would never EVER break his son like Mr. Novak broke Cas. Dean was so full of sorrow for the other boy that he was finding it difficult to say or do anything that would comfort Cas.

Then Cas opened his eyes and stared at Dean and Dean was struck by the pain he saw there. Castiel's eyes were so open and he saw every emotion that Cas must be feeling. He saw an overwhelming sadness in the sea of blue and he saw speckles of pain and darker clouds of worry. He saw anger in the intense blackness of Cas's pupils and he saw despair in the bags under Cas's eyes. He was struck by how much of Castiel he could see and how close he was to Castiel. He was struck by how vulnerable Castiel had made himself and how much trust he had just put in Dean. He was struck by how beautiful Cas looked, so close, eyes shining with tears and trust.

Dean found himself pulling Cas close and hugging him, not even caring about how unmanly of him this was. He just wanted Cas to be okay. He wanted Cas to know that he cared. He wanted to stop Cas from ever feeling so hopeless ever again. He wanted Cas to be happy.

"Cas," Dean said, pulling away slightly and putting his hands on Cas's shoulder, steadying him. "I need you to know that I do care and I'm going to do everything I can to help you through this. I also need you to know that it's not your fault. None of this is your fault. Your dad - well - he's a dick, okay. He doesn't know what he's talking about and any man should be honored to have you as a son. And I want you to promise me that you will never EVER try to kill yourself again. Okay?" Cas looked at the ground and started to shake his head. "NO," Dean said. "You need to promise me. If you ever want to do that again, you call me. Or you get your ass over to my place so I can make sure you're okay. I don't even care if it's two o'clock in the morning, okay, you just come to me, alright?"

Cas was still looking away but he slowly nodded.

Dean squeezed his shoulder. "Oh and Cas?"

Castiel looked up. "Yes, Dean?"

Dean reached into the pocket of Cas's trenchcoat, found his razor, pulled the razor out, walked to the toilet, dropped the razor in, and flushed the toilet.


	5. Chapter 5

It'd been about two months since the bathroom thing, and Castiel was quickly becoming the best friend Dean had never known he'd wanted. Seriously, all those years with no real friends, Dean hadn't known what he was missing. Cas was over at his house basically every day and he always had someone to talk to, listen to music with, watch movies with, or even do homework with. He was never bored and even homework was entertaining with Cas.

They would race to see who could finish their math problems quickest, they would talk about what they would do in the situations they read about in books for English class, they would make up stories about the made up people in their physics problems. Dean's favorite thing, though, was when they showed each other their artwork. Dean thought some of his work was pretty, but it absolutely paled in comparison next to Castiel's.

Dean had quite a few if Cas's paintings hanging in his room, actually. On the back of the door, there was a painting Cas had made of Dean. Dean was leaning against his car and he had a sandwich in his hand and he was grinning from ear to ear. Every time Dean looked at it, he had to smile at what a perfect depiction of him it was. And Dean looked at it a lot. Cas had made his eyes so green and his hair so full and his muscles so awesome... Dean knew he didn't look this good in real life but he hoped this is how Cas saw him.

On the wall above his bed, there was a picture Cas had drawn of him and Dean on a cloud. It was a quick drawing, not a full-on painting like the Dean/car/sandwich one, but Dean really liked it. He knew that Cas had an obsession with the sky and flying and he had drawn Dean up there with him and they were both smiling. The way Cas drew himself, he looked truly happy and he was wearing short sleeves and he hadn't drawn scars on his arms and that made Dean happy.

Above his desk, Dean had a chalk drawing Cas had done of his cat, Angel. The detail in Angel's long white fur was really great, but mostly Dean had hung that one up because Cas talked about Angel ALL the time and Dean was pretty sure Cas missed her when he wasn't at home, so Dean wanted a picture of her to be there so Cas could look at her when he missed her but didn't want to go home quite yet.

On the inside of Dean's closet, he had hung another portrait that Cas had done of him. This one was much more detailed than the other, and it had required Dean posing shirtless for an hour, and for some reason Dean didn't want anyone else seeing it. Cas painting it had felt kind of... intimate, and whenever Dean looked at it, he felt that intimacy again. Dean's face had been replicated with such perfect detail that looking at it almost felt like looking in a mirror. Cas had put such detail into every line, shadow, and color that Dean almost thought the painting would start talking to him every time he looked at it. Cas had poured his heart and soul into the intricate shades of Dean's eyes and somehow it seemed as if there was light inside of the eyes in portrait Dean. His hair looked so soft, Dean wanted to run his fingers through it before he remembered that it wasn't real - just paper. Portrait Dean's lips were curled into a perfect replica of the smirk that Dean always wears when teasing Sammy and Cas had perfectly recreated the freckles that dotted Dean's nose in the exact formation as they appeared on his real face.

The thing that made Dean love this painting so much was the rest of it, though. While the face was perfect, there was no describing how awesomely Cas had painted his chest and stomach. Dean looked ripped. It embarrassed Dean that Cas saw him so perfectly, that he would depict Dean in such a beautiful way, but Dean couldn't deny that he loved it.

Really, Dean couldn't deny that he loved EVERYTHING about Cas.

This was kind of a problem, though. Dean had been dating Lisa for weeks now and she was nice and cute, but he got bored with her. After their dates, he couldn't wait to get back to Cas and watch a movie or do homework or play cards or just talk or whatever. Cas was interesting and funny and he and Dean just FIT together.

And Dean kept having these dreams about Cas. They were like the cowboy dream, but more realistic. They would be in Dean's room and they would be playing cards on the bed and then Dean would be on top of Cas and they would be kissing and their hands would be roaming and he would run his fingers through Cas's hair and Cas would grind his dick into Dean's... Or they would be outside and it would start to rain and they would be dancing in it and then they would be kissing in it and then they would have to go inside because they were all wet and then Cas would be cold and then Dean would suggest a hot shower and then they would be in there together, naked bodies pressed against each other, letting the warm water cascade over them... Or they would be riding in the impala, rocking out to music, and Cas would look so happy and Dean would glow with joy at Cas's happiness and he would marvel at how beautiful Cas was when he was smiling and his blue eyes sparkled and then they would be in the back seat, and Dean would pull Cas's pants down, and Cas would be hard as fuck and Dean would put his mouth on Cas's cock...

Ugh, Dean hated that he loved these dreams, these thoughts. He was dating Lisa, but he could feel himself falling in love with his best friend. And he wasn't ready for that. Honestly, he was done being mad at himself for being into the guy. The kid was sexy as hell and no one was denying that, so Dean didn't feel like he could really help being attracted to him. But he knew he wouldn't be able to deal with it if everyone knew he liked Cas.

Even though he acted like a pompous, full-of-himself, asshole, Dean knew he couldn't take the whispers and rumors and stares if he were to openly admit his admiration of Cas. It would be too much and the hatred and name-calling and mockery would break him.

Then there was the heart-wrenching fact that Castiel didn't feel the same way about him.

Cas was dating this guy named Balthazar. And he really liked him, too. Dean, however, could not stand that son of a bitch. First of all, the douchey name: Balthazar. Seriously, what the fuck. A decent person would have created a nickname for himself by now, but NO that pompous little peacock strutted around all like, "yeah, my name is BALTHAZAR and I was named after an ANGEL and I'm God's gift to the world." Then there was his stupid accent that Dean was pretty sure was fake, but it was sexy as hell and Cas wouldn't shut up about his hot it was. The first time Cas got all smily and babbled about how lovely Balthazar's voice was, Dean had to excuse himself and pretend he was going to the bathroom while he was really outside repeatedly punching a tree. He came back in with a hand covered in shallow scrapes from the tree trunk and it stung like hell when he cleaned it up. But luckily the minor injury wasn't really noticeable.

Dean was still really happy that his best friend was happy. He really was. Cas really seemed to like Balthazar. And he had been doing so well lately. He was still depressed and Dean knew that, but he regularly checked Cas's arms for cuts and there hadn't been any new ones in over a month. Dean was so proud. He had also made a meal plan for Cas to ensure that he was eating right (it turns out that Cas had also been anorexic, which had taken Dean about 3 days of knowing Cas to figure out) and Cas had been eating three meals a day plus a snack for over a month now. He looked so much healthier than he had when Dean had first met him.

It was a Thursday, and Dean started the day off with math today. He wouldn't see Cas until lunch, but he was working on a picture for Cas and he would work on it all morning so it would be ready for Cas at lunch.

He walked into class, opened up his notebook, and put his pencil to the paper. He was looking at the beginnings of a drawing of Cas. So far, he had Cas's face - well most of it anyway. He couldn't get the eyes quite right and he had to keep erasing them and starting over. He couldn't get that special shine in them that Cas's eyes have. When he looked into Cas's eyes, he could see light and love and everything good. He just couldn't seem to translate that onto paper, and it was was frustrating.

He started to try again, but at that moment Lisa trotted up to him and plopped into the desk behind him. "Hey, sweetie," she chirped, leaning in for a kiss. Dean obliged. "Whatcha workin on?"

Dean blushed and closed his notebook. "Just a drawing," he mumbled.

"I didn't know you draw!" gushed Lisa. "Let me see!"

Lisa reached for the notebook but Dean slapped her hand away. Lisa's eyes widened and Dean looked at his own hand in shock.

"Sorry," Dean stammered. "It's just, um, kind of personal."

"Okay," Lisa said, her voice much smaller than usual.

Dean felt kind of bad at his outburst, so he reached for Lisa's hand and she cautiously let him take it. He squeezed it and she smiled in return.

However, he didn't risk working on his drawing anymore for the rest of math class.

During history, however, he worked tirelessly on his Cas picture. It took him a while, but he finally thought he might have partially done Cas's eyes justice. It took a lot of concentration on drawing the flecks in Castiel's eyes in the perfect places and getting the angles of his eyebrows just right to get that earnestly curious expression that Cas always wears. But Dean did it. Then he had drawn Cas's hair all sticking up in strange places because he knew his best friend couldn't be bothered to actually care for his hair. He drew Cas's body with more muscle than the tiny stick of a boy he had first known, and he gave Cas short sleeves to show off his scarless arms. Then Dean gave Cas wings. He knew Cas wished he could fly and he knew that to Cas, flight represented freedom and Cas yearned to be free of everything that was holding him down. Then in the bottom left corner, Dean wrote in his neatest cursive: "I hope you feel happy enough that you can fly now, Cas. I hope you feel like you are flying instead of falling. I'm so proud of you and you're doing awesome. Your best friend, Dean." He almost wrote, "Love, Dean" but then he got embarrassed.

Dean was excited as he walked to lunch, ready to give Cas his drawing. His excitement faded when he got to the cafeteria and saw Balthazar leaning against him and Cas's table, talking to Cas while Cas grinned up at him. Dean swallowed the ball of anger that was crawling up his throat and walked over to his table. Cas was his best friend, not his boyfriend or whatever. He had a girlfriend and Cas had a boyfriend and that was that and he had no right to be upset. But he was.

He got to the table and Cas smiled when he saw him. Dean smiled back, but his heart wasn't in it. Balthazar smirked at Dean, something he seemed to do often. Balthazar always acted as if he knew something about Dean that amused him and it infuriated Dean to no end.

Balthazar leaned down and kissed Cas on the lips, putting a lot of energy into it, showing off. It pissed Dean the fuck off. Balthazar cupped Cas's cheek and held his waist as he sunk down into the kiss. Cas looked a bit surprised, but not displeased, as he returned the passion. Dean's heart hurt. Then Balthazar got up, tossed a "See ya, Cassie," over his shoulder, and strutted off.

Cas was smiling faintly while Dean glared at Balthazar's retreating back. Then Dean cleared his throat to wipe that ridiculous smile off of his best friend's face. Cas seemed to snap out of a trance. He looked over at Dean and sensed something was amiss.

"Are you okay, Dean?" Cas inquired, his eyebrows drawing together with faint worry.

Dean sighed. No he was not okay. "Yeah, Cas," Dean said. "I'm cool."

Cas looked intently at Dean, cocking his head. Dean hated that. Cas could look at Dean like that and see past his outside and into his inside. He could see his emotions and thoughts and it was fucking creepy. Also the expression was cute as hell and that made Dean uncomfortable too.

"You're not 'cool', Dean," Castiel said sternly, shaking his head. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I..." Dean couldn't take it anymore. He was done pretending. He wanted Cas. Balthazar's little show had pushed him over the edge. He was about to just confess his love to his best friend when he stopped short. He realized he couldn't do that. He'd be rejected. Cas surely didn't feel the same way. He's probably in love with Balthazar. Fuck.

"I think I'm going to break up with Lisa," Dean finally said. He realized it was true. He couldn't be with Lisa when he was fully in love with Castiel. Plus she was getting annoying. And she wasn't great in bed.

Castiel frowned. "Why?" he asked, laying a comforting hand on Dean's shoulder.

Dean shrugged and looked away. Cas noticed that Dean didn't have any food in front of him, even though Dean usually rejoiced when it was time for food.

"Dean, aren't you going to eat something?" Cas asked worriedly.

"I don't think I'm hungry, Cas," Dean muttered quietly.

Castiel grabbed Dean by the shoulders. "Dean we are both skipping our next class, okay? I won't take no for an answer. I think it will be good for our mental health."

Dean smiled weakly at that, and he agreed. The two of them stood up and Cas emptied his tray into the trash can before grabbing Dean's notebook for him and leading Dean to their bathroom.

Dean guesses it's dumb to think about it as "their" bathroom, but it is the bathroom that they skip class together in. They walked in as the bell rang and they both went toward the sink, looking in the mirror in silence.

Dean looked at Cas's reflection. Cas's eyes are concentrated on his hands which are nervously weaving themselves together. His eyebrows are knitted with concern and he's biting his lip. Then Dean looked at his own reflection. He is surprised to see the sadness in his eyes. It's not the same hopelessness that he has seen in Cas's eyes, but it's a more weighty sadness than he's ever seen on himself before.

Cas suddenly turned to face Dean. "Dean, are you okay? You haven't been the same lately, and I'm worried."

Cas's eyes looked so earnest and true that Dean felt his heart become heavier.

"Cas, I -" Dean truly didn't know what to say. He couldn't say what was really wrong without freaking Cas out or at the very least, becoming an inconvenience. He didn't know what to do.

To change the subject, Dean took his notebook, turned to the picture he had drawn, tore out the page, and handed it to Cas.

"Here, I drew this for you," Dean said gruffly.

When Cas looked at it, his eyes widened in awe. His eyes drank in every inch of the drawing and the corners of his lips turned up. He read Dean's little note in the bottom right-hand corner and Dean saw his eyes fill with smiles and something else. Dean didn't quite know what, but it was a good look on Cas.

Cas looked up at Dean again. "Dean, thank you." Cas said, his eyes glowing. "I love it."

Cas pulled Dean in for a hug and Dean sunk into the hug, holding Cas close. He knew he was in love with his best friend, he knew his feelings weren't reciprocated, he knew he needed to get over this, and he knew he wished that Castiel would hold him like this forever.


	6. Chapter 6

About a week later, Dean was in the backseat of his car, involved in an intense make out session with Lisa. He knew he had said he was going to break up with her, but every time he tried she would look at him with these big eyes and he just felt bad. Plus, he didn't know what to say - he couldn't just be like, "Sorry, I'm in love with my best friend." He couldn't just admit that. Especially to the girl he was dating.

Lisa was nibbling on Dean's neck and Dean's mind was a million miles away, thinking about how to get out of this relationship with Lisa and into a relationship with Castiel. First, he needed to make Cas ditch that douchey Balthazar. Then he somehow needed to convince him to like Dean.

You can't just MAKE someone unlike their current boyfriend and fall in love with someone else, so Dean figured his pining was basically useless.

Lisa was moaning and clutching at Dean all over, so Dean figured he should try to act like he was enjoying it at least. So he decided maybe he should kiss her back. He threw in a couple of "Oh, Lisa"s and "Mmm"s, which she seemed to like. Then her hand found his crotch and when she discovered that he wasn't even hard, she wondered if something might be wrong.

"Dean," Lisa said. "Are you even enjoying this?"

"What?" Dean asked. "Yeah, of course! Sex rocks. You rock. Awesome."

Lisa gave him a "you're a terrible liar, stop talking" face and replied, "Seriously, Dean, what's up?"

Dean didn't know what in God's name caused him to take this course of action, but suddenly his mouth was just spewing out the truth and he couldn't stop it. "I only started dating you because I was trying to stop myself from liking someone else but now I still like that someone else and I'm in love with them but they're dating someone else now and I can't have them and all I think about is them and I'm sorry because you don't deserve to be used like this because you're really nice and great and all but I'm sorry I can't stop thinking about him."

Lisa blinked for a second, overwhelmed by the sudden onslaught of truth. "Wait, HIM?" Lisa pronounced, shocked. "Dean, you're gay?"

Dean's face turned beat red. He had not meant to divulge that. "Well, not really.. I've never liked another guy before... And I like girls.. But I just... Well, yeah, I'm in love with another guy.."

Lisa smiled. "It's Castiel, isn't it?"

Dean's eyes widened. "What? No - nah, Cas is my best friend and all plus he's dating Balthazar and what? No."

Lisa gave him the "you're a terrible liar, stop talking" face again (that shit was really starting to get on Dean's nerves) and replied, "It's okay, Dean, you can tell me. I won't tell another soul if you don't want me to."

Dean sighed. "Fine. Yeah I'm in love with Cas. God, is it that obvious?"

"Don't worry," Lisa said. "Not really. I mean, I never would have guessed you're gay. It's just, once you said "him" and I knew it was a guy, I knew it had to be Cas."

"Okay first of all, I'm not 'gay'," Dean corrected. "I'm bi. Secondly, what do you mean 'you knew it had to be Cas'?"

"Well," Lisa mused. "Everyone can tell that you guys love each other. You're best friends and everyone totally knows that. You've never been that close to anyone before and I can tell that Castiel is your favorite person to spend time with."

"Huh," Dean said. He guessed what she was saying made sense. He just really hoped people didn't start suspecting things. "Look, Lisa, I'd really appreciate it if you didn't tell anyone this."

Lisa smiled. "Of course not, Dean. If you ever need a friend to talk to about this, hit me up. I'd be glad to help."

"Thanks, Lisa," Dean said, relieved. The two hopped back into the front seat and Dean drove off to take Lisa home. He was beginning to see how cool Lisa really was, now that they weren't dating anymore. Under different circumstances, he might have given her a shot.

After dropping Lisa off, Dean now had a free afternoon. He sincerely hoped Cas wasn't with his dumbass boyfriend, because Dean didn't feel like hanging out alone today. He decided to call up Cas, praying he was free.

Cas answered on the second ring with a "Hello, Dean."

"Hey, Cas," Dean said brightly. "You wouldn't by any chance happen to be free right now, would you?"

"Actually, I am," Castiel replied. "I thought you were with Lisa, though?"

"Yeah, I just broke up with her," Dean said, blushing for some reason.

"Oh," Castiel said uncertainly. "How did that go?"

"Actually really well," Dean said cheerfully. "It needed to be done and she handled it well and we're friends now."

"Friends?" Cas said. Dean could hear the mild skepticism in his tone. "Staying friends with a girl after a breakup? Who are you and what have you done with my best friend?"

"Shut up," Dean chuckled. "So, dude, where are ya? I'll pick you up and we can go over to my place."

"Um, I'm actually wandering on a road somewhere, between school and my house? I think it's Red River Ave."

"Alrighty. Be there in a few."

"Okay, Dean."

"Yup." Dean hung up and smiled. It was amazing how even just a conversation with Cas made him shine with happiness.

He reached Red River Ave. and spotted Cas up ahead in his trench coat. Cas was walking on the white line on the side of the road, trying to balance on it. He sucked at it, so he was kind of flailing his arms like a moron. What a dork.

Dean pulled up to him, grinning. "Hey, little boy, need a ride?"

"If I didn't know you, that would be incredibly creepy," Cas remarked.

"Yeah, dude," Dean rolled his eyes. "That's the point. It was an impression - you know, never mind."

Cas was looking at him with that head cock thing he does and Dean was having trouble concentrating. Cas got into the car and Dean started off toward the Winchester abode.

"So," Cas said. "Why did you break up with Lisa? You never really told me."

"I dunno, man, I guess I just didn't really like her," Dean said, staring intently forward.

"Yeah," Cas said thoughtfully. "But do you ever really like the girls you date? I was under the impression that you just liked sleeping with them."

"Geez, Cas," Dean muttered. "You make me sound like such a stand-up guy. But actually, she kind of sucked in bed, too."

"I see," Castiel said. Something about his tone sounded judgmental to Dean and it was on the verge of really annoying him.

"Okay," Dean said defensively. "What's so meaningful about your relationship with Balthadick, then?"

"Dean," Cas said slightly shocked. "Do you dislike my boyfriend?"

Dean blushed and fidgeted. "No, sorry Cas.. Well yeah, actually he's kind of an asshole."

Cas cocked his head. "How so?"

He looked genuinely concerned and Dean realized that Cas valued his opinion so much that if Dean said he didn't think Balthazar was a good guy, Cas would probably break up with him. For a second, Dean considered telling Castiel that he needed to break up with Balthazar because Balthazar was a serial killer or something, anything to make Cas not like him anymore, but Cas seemed so happy with him...

"Never mind, Cas," Dean said quietly. "I'm sure Balthazar's great. I probably just got a really lame first impression."

"Okay, Dean," Castiel replied, slightly less concerned but still vaguely suspicious.

The impala pulled into the Winchester driveway and Dean and Cas got out. After a quick race to the door (a tradition of there's, that Cas surprisingly almost always won), the boys burst into the house, slightly short of breath. Dean made a beeline for the kitchen, and Cas followed him, saying hi to John as they passed him sitting on the couch.

"Sup, Cas-man," John said, giving Castiel a nod.

"Hi, Mr. Winchester," Cas replied with a smile.

Dean backed up a few steps to give his dad a judgmental look. "'Cas-man'," he smirked. "Really, dad? Cute."

"Shut up, Deanster," John retorted, turning back to the television.

With an eye roll, Dean continued his trek to the kitchen, Cas trailing behind, smiling to himself at the nicknames. In the kitchen, they found Sam at the kitchen table, building some sort of model of a building. He had on goggles and was surrounded by tools, rulers, calculators, and pencils. Dean thought he looked like the most adorable nerd ever, and he did not hesitate to say so.

"Aw, you're, like, the most adorable little nerd ever, Sammy," Dean gushed as he opened the refrigerator and tossed Cas a soda.

Sam rolled his eyes. "Don't call me Sammy. And I'm not a nerd, I'm just doing a history project."

"What is the project?" Cas asked interestedly.

"Oh, god," Dean warned. "Don't encourage him."

After a glare in Dean's direction, Sam turned to Cas and explained, "We had to pick a country and do a lot of research about the history of it. I picked Greece. This is supposed to be the Parthenon."

"Interesting," Cas replied. The weird thing was, Dean could tell he actually meant it. He didn't know why the fuck all the people he loved were such nerds, but it was cute. "What made you choose Greece?"

"I really like their mythology," Sam eagerly divulged, blushing a bit. "I find their lore fascinating."

"Okay," Dean said. "I hate to interrupt this nerd porn session, but I'm going upstairs, Cas, you coming?"

Sam rolled his eyes and Cas responded, "Yes, Dean, I'm coming."

The two of them traipsed up the stairs and into Dean's room. Cas was over so often, it had kind of become more of "their room" than "Dean's room." They had a calendar on a wall and a scale in the corner, tracking Castiel's weight gain, there were books on Dean's desk that were educational and certainly didn't belong to Dean, and there were even some of Cas's clothes lying around in random places. Dean smiled as he looked around. This was his favorite place to be with Cas. Here, he could remember that they were best friends and they loved each other and nothing could take that away because they were each the closest friend the other had ever had. Here, he could remember that Cas and him were like family and they needed each other. Here, Balthazar didn't exist and Dean had Castiel all to himself, even if it wasn't in the way that Dean really wanted.

Dean looked over and saw that Cas had plopped down on his bed, eyes closed and hands on his forehead, looking like the poster child of exhausted. Dean began to worry. He'd been so caught up in his own dumb teenage unrequited love angst that he'd been neglecting to make sure Cas had been doing well lately.

Dean sat down on the bed next to Cas and poked him. "Hey, man, you okay?"

Cas opened his eyes and smiled weakly. "Yeah, Dean, I'm fine, just tired."

He closed his eyes again. A thought occurred to Dean. "Hey, Cas, would you take off your coat? I haven't checked you for cuts in a while and I just want to be sure..."

Cas sat up. First something vaguely like panic flashed in his eyes, then there was some sort of logical click in his head, then he said, "Sure, Dean."

Dean eyed him warily as he shrugged out of his trench coat and held his uncovered arms out for Dean to examine. There were no cuts there, which was good, great actually. But that didn't explain the strange look in Cas's eyes when Dean had asked.

"Cas, I'm really proud of you," Dean said slowly, staring intently at Cas's face, trying to catch whatever it was he was hiding in his eyes. "But I want you to be honest with me. Are you sure you're doing okay?"

Cas got up, rolling his eyes and walked toward the window. "Yes, Dean, I am perfectly fine."

Okay, Castiel didn't ever naturally roll his eyes and he walks away when he's trying to hide something so Dean knew now for sure that something was up. Dean turned to face where Castiel was now, staring out the window with his hands behind his neck. With his arms up like that, Cas's shirt was riding up a bit and a bit of skin was exposed and Dean was pretty sure he saw...

"Cas, take your shirt off," Dean said quietly.

Cas spun around to face Dean, panic in his eyes. "What?"

"Take your shirt off, Cas," Dean said again.

"Why?" Cas muttered, fidgeting anxiously now.

"You know why, Cas," Dean replied with a sigh. After looking intently at each other for a few seconds, Cas shrugged his shirt off and Dean's heart dropped. Here he was, thinking his best friend was doing better, while the whole time, Cas had been fooling him because he'd been slashing up his stomach God knows how many times. Cas's stomach was covered in red lines crisscrossing in all directions in all kinds of patterns and some of them were faded, some of them were still bright red, and a couple of them had new dried blood, like Cas had been cutting right before Dean had picked him up.

"Dammit, Cas," Dean said angrily, punching his pillow. He couldn't explain, but he was just so pissed. He had thought he was making Cas happy, dammit. And he had TOLD Cas he was trying to help him, and the moron couldn't even be honest with him? How the fuck was he supposed to help him if he didn't even know what was going on? And the fact that Cas didn't feel like he could tell him also hurt. It really fucking hurt. He bet Cas had told Balthazar. He bet Cas told Balthazar everything. I mean, they were dating so Balthazar had to know about the cuts, right? He must have seen them. And oh god, thinking about why Balthazar had seen them while Dean hadn't. Because Balthazar got to see Castiel's body and Dean didn't. Because Balthazar was the one who Cas needed, not Dean. Maybe Castiel was Dean's best friend, but Castiel's best friend was Balthazar.

"I'm sorry," Dean heard Cas's quiet voice force the words out and he could hear the tears in the two timid words and he couldn't stay mad. Especially not when he looked at Cas's face. Cas's eyes were full of tears and his lip was quivering and his eyes looked so utterly broken. He was leaned against the wall, like he physically couldn't hold himself up anymore and his hands were shaking and his head was moving back and forth and the tears were flowing down his face like a waterfall.

Dean sighed and went to him. Cas looked at him uncertainly, probably not sure whether Dean was pissed or not. And yeah, Dean was pissed, but his best friend needed him and even though Cas didn't love Dean back like he wanted, he was still going to be there for the guy, dammit. Because that was the right thing to do. And he couldn't watch Cas be broken. It hurt too much.

He put his arm on Cas's back and led him to the bed. Cas sat down and Dean took a minute to wipe the tears off Cas's quivering face with his thumb before saying "wait here." He went to the bathroom and returned with a wet towel and some bandages. Cas was still crying and he pulled Cas up onto the bed so that he was laying down with his head in the pillow and he began to clean off the new cuts on Cas's stomach. Cas closed his eyes, tears still streaming down his face, and he bit his lip and whimpered.

"Does it hurt?" Dean asked, worried.

"Everything hurts, Dean," Cas whispered.

"Cas, why didn't you tell me?" Dean blurted out. "I'd have done anything to help you, you know that. I hate that you're doing this and I just - Cas, why don't you trust me?"

"Dean," Cas opened his eyes. "I do trust you. I trust you more than anyone I've ever known. You're the kindest, most righteous person I've ever seen. But it's hard for me. I am not good at telling people things. You have to understand - I didn't want to upset you. Please - please don't leave me. Please don't be mad."

"Hey," Dean said, putting a reassuring hand on Cas's shoulder. "You're my best friend. I'm never going to leave you, and that's a fucking promise. And I'm not mad, Cas. I'm just worried. God, Cas, I don't know how to make this better."

Cas closed his eyes again. "I'm not asking you to fix me, Dean. Nothing can accomplish that. I'm broken beyond repair. Just be here with me, because I need you, Dean."

Dean didn't say anything but prompted Cas to sit up so he could wrap a bandage around Cas's stomach. Then he laid Cas back down and gently cleaned his face off with a wet towel. Cas's eyes were still closed and Dean just put a blanket over him, kissed his forehead, and sat down next to him.

"Go to sleep, Cas," he whispered. He watched Cas nod his head and wiggle closer to Dean, resting his cheek against Dean's leg. Dean watched his best friend's face as it transitioned from wary and troubled to peaceful as he found sleep. He thought about how impossibly difficult everything about this situation was and it wasn't until about half an hour after Castiel had fallen asleep that Dean realized his hand had been absent-mindedly stroking Cas's hair, as if it was something they did everyday, when in reality they were just friends and that shit doesn't happen with "just friends" and if that's not impossibly difficult, Dean didn't know what was.

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**A/N: Hello, lovelies! I just wanted to say hey, if you're reading this, I love you! 3 And if you're reviewing, I love you even more! ^.^ This is the first fic I've ever written so I don't really know what I'm doing and all of the feedback I'm getting so far is super positive and it warms my heart. So please continue to keep reading and reviewing and I shall continue to keep writing and we shall all have a jolly good time :)**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: I just wanted to say - big thanks to my reviewers and readers! You guys are making me so happy and I'm getting so much lovely feedback on my first ever story and it warms my heart! So much love xxx**

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Dean was still sitting on his bed while Castiel slept, and he was wary of moving even the slightest because he really didn't want to wake Cas. He knew Cas was worn out completely from crying, so Dean wanted desperately to let the guy sleep.

But he really had to pee.

Dean took the tip of his fingers and tried to slowly tilt Cas's head up so that Dean could relieve his leg from pillow duty. Cas's breathing never faltered and Dean laid his head back down on the bed gently. Success!

Marveling at his ninja-like reflexes, Dean shifted to get off the bed and head toward the bathroom. Except, then -

"AH, SHIT!" Dean banged his elbow into the wall and he was absolutely positive that it hurt even more than the end of the freaking world.

"Dean?" Cas muttered groggily, looking up at Dean through half-lidded eyes. "Are you okay?"

Now Dean was thinking "Ah, shit" for totally different reasons. Because if Cas's deep gravelly voice and crazy disheveled hair and disoriented facial expression were't the sexiest things he'd ever seen in his life, Dean didn't know what was.

"Ah, yeah, Cas, everything's fine," Dean grimaced, rubbing his elbow. "I just attacked the wall with the most sensitive bone in my body. No big deal."

"Why did you do that?" Cas grunted, rubbing his eyes.

"It wasn't on purpose, Cas," Dean mustered up an eye roll through the pain. "Go back to sleep dude, I just needed to get up so I could take a piss."

"No, Dean, I don't need any more sleep," Cas assured him, sitting up. "But you should go take care of your bladder situation."

"Yeah, I'll do that," Dean said, heading off toward the bathroom. After relieving himself, he trekked back to his room, only to find it empty.

Then he heard Cas's voice wafting up at him from downstairs.

"No, I don't think I'll be finding a girlfriend anytime soon, Mr. Winchester," Dean heard Cas saying.

Ooh. Awkward. Dean was pretty sure his dad didn't know Cas was gay. Well, obviously not if he had been asking Cas about girls. Not that John would have a problem with it - he was probably just going to feel really awkward when Castiel told him.

"Why not?" John was saying. "You're an attractive, intelligent young man. Don't sell yourself short, kiddo."

"Thank you, Mr. Winchester," Castiel said politely. "That's not what I meant, though. I actually have a boyfriend at the moment. I'm gay."

Dean could actually hear the awkward. He probably should have told his dad about Cas being gay before it came back and gave them all an extreme case of the uncomfortable, but that seemed too close to the conversation that might eventually come up about Dean's own sexuality. So that whole subject seemed better off avoided.

To his credit, John recovered quickly. "Oh, well good on you, more chicks for the rest of us!"

"Wow, classy, Dad," Dean said, coming down the stairs. "Are you planning on going all cradle-robber on us and banging some teenage girls?"

John shot Dean a look, which Dean studiously avoided. He figured it was probably a "way to make me look like a dumbass for not telling me that the kid who spends most of his time in my house is into dudes" look, and he just didn't feel like dealing with that particular look at the moment. Plus, he had a strange feeling that John might give him that look again sometime in the future, about a different kid who spent most of the time in his house and was into dudes. And that thought made Dean feel awkward.

"Anyway, Cas," Dean said, changing the subject. "It's Friday, so I'm thinking Indiana Jones marathon and you crash here tonight?"

"Add a jump start on our English project due in two weeks and that sounds like a plan," Cas replied.

"Really, Cas?" Dean pulled his best exasperated face. "I never did anything until the class period before it was due until I met you. You're corrupting me."

"That's why I keep this kid around," John said, clapping Castiel on the shoulder.

Cas smiled up at John who returned the gesture and with a shoulder squeeze asked, "Hey boys, what say you we make a little party out of tonight? You two, me, Sam, all three Indiana Jones movies, and some Chinese food?"

Dean grinned. Chinese food had always been a special treat for him and Sam. His dad would order a little bit of almost EVERYTHING on the menu and they would stuff themselves silly and eat nothing but Chinese leftovers for a week. And John would always ask for a whole bag full of fortune cookies and they would sit on the couch reading them to each other in mystical voices and then they would try (and fail) to pronounce the Chinese words on the back. This usually resulted in Sam giggling hysterically at Dean's Chinese man impression while John chastised him for being racist while trying to hold back laughter himself.

"That sounds awesome, Dad," Dean beamed.

"Why don't you go tell your little dweeb of a brother to stop making out with his math homework and come down here and party with us?" John said with a wink.

"I dunno if he'll want to," Dean said seriously. "I mean, it is MATH HOMEWORK. That stuff is like crack for the kid."

"Yeah, well tell him he needs an intervention," John said, heading for the phone to order copious amounts of Chinese food.

Dean and Cas headed up the stairs to collect Sam, Dean practically glowing with excitement. He missed these random family hangout nights; he knew it was cheesy, but they were really special to him. And now Cas was here with them too and it was all of Dean's most favorite people all in one place and he really couldn't ask for more.

Castiel was looking at Dean with his head slightly tilted and an odd little smile on his face.

"What?" Dean asked self-consciously, feeling his cheeks flush.

Cas shrugged. "You look radiant with happiness."

Dean laughed in spite of himself. "I look 'radiant with happiness'?" Dean asked mockingly. "Dude, you've got to start talking like a normal person."

"Don't laugh, Dean," Cas smirked. "It's true. It's rather endearing."

Dean felt himself become even redder, so he rolled his eyes and marched up the stairs. "Yeah, whatever, Cas."

Cas was smiling now, though, and it was the kind of smile that actually reached his eyes, so Dean figured his good mood must be catching. He was happy, Cas was happy, they were having a family bro night, life was good.

He practically skipped up to Sam's door. "Sammyyyyy," he moaned, pounding on the door. "Sammyyyyyy!" He got no response. Dean rolled his eyes. "He never responds when he's really into it with his math homework. He listens to music and gets himself all in the zone and then he's basically dead to the world."

Cas got this interesting little spark in his eye at this tidbit of information. His lips curled up into the slightest little smirk.

"Cas.." Dean said suspiciously. "Whatcha thinkin?"

"Sam's desk faces away from the door, right?"

"Yeah..."

"What if we snuck up behind him..."

"Yeah..." Deam prompted, waiting for the punchline.

"And tickled him!" Cas finished triumphantly.

Dean stared as Cas incredulously. "Tickled him?"

"Yes," Cas said, with this little mischievous smile, as if it were the most clever and ingenious plan in the world.

Dean just beamed and started laughing. "That's a great plan, Cas."

It was so not a great plan. It was a really lame plan. But it was Cas's plan and he rarely suggested pointless spontaneity, so Dean found it incredibly awesome.

"Okay," Dean ordered. "Follow my lead." Cas nodded seriously, like this was Mission Impossible or something, and Dean slowly turned the knob of Sam's bedroom door and inched the door open. The two boys peeked their heads through the doorway and spotted their target. They began to surrepticioisly inch forward. Sam was sitting at his desk bobbing his head back and forth to his music. He was getting pretty into it too. He started shimmying his shoulders and pumping his fists up and down.

Dean had to choke back a snort when Sam started singing in falsetto, "Thriller! Thriller nights!"

Dean and Cas were crouched low, right behind Sam, on either side of him. Dean held up his hand and mouthed, "On the count of three." Cas nodded. "One... Two..."

When Dean mouthed, "three," all hell broke loose. Dean and Castiel pounced on Sam like jungle cats, causing Sam to fall out of his chair and on top of Dean. Sam then attacked Dean enthusiastically in tickle form as a defense strategy, and Dean started cackling like a hyperactive hyena who was dropping acid. This made Cas opt to join Sam's side of the war and help him tickle Dean because he was pretty sure that laugh was the most hilarious thing he'd ever heard in his life.

"NO - GUYS - ahahahahahaha - PLEASE!" Dean gasped, between fits of hysteria, "STOP! Ahahahah - I can't breathe -"

But Castiel and Sam were relentless. "If you want us to stop," Sam said, grinning and pinning his older brother down, "then you'll have to give us something in return."

Dean narrowed his eyes suspiciously and looked back and forth between Sam and Cas. "Whaddya want?"

Sam and Castiel looked at each other thoughtfully. This was a rare opportunity. They could go so many ways with this.

Then Cas looked at Dean. "Truth or dare."

Dean looked back at Cas. Cas's gaze was baring into his own and Dean was getting nervous. He didn't know which was safer, truth or dare. He figured dare was probably safer, since it was possible that Sam would want to know something about his love life and that was dangerously near the whole admitting he was in love with Cas territory.

"Dare."

Cas smirked.

Uh oh. Maybe Dean should have gone with truth. He did not like that look.

"I dare you to kiss me."


	8. Chapter 8

"I dare you to kiss me."

A million thoughts crashed through Dean's head all at once like a wave of crazy screams. "Did Cas seriously just say that to me? Did I hear that wrong? Is this real? Why do I feel aroused? Maybe I should answer. What if I give the wrong answer? What am I supposed to say? How would someone who's not desperately in love with his best friend act in this situation? Does Cas know? Why would he dare me to kiss him? Does he WANT me to kiss him? Oh god, I want to kiss him. Oh god, he's staring at me. Oh god, Sammy's staring at me too. Oh god, SAM is here. Oh god, does SAM know? I NEED TO SAY SOMETHING RIGHT NOW."

"Okay."

Okay? OKAY? "Okay" is what finally decided to come out of Dean's mouth? After all the questions raging in Dean's confused mind, after all the feelings for Cas that he's had to deal with, after all the implications that came with that dare, all Dean's tongue could come up with was "okay"?

Sam looked like he didn't know whether to laugh or run away and as a result, his face was contorted into this funky little half smile accompanied by raised eyebrows and apprehensive eyes. Cas looked just as shocked as Dean felt about what was currently transpiring and what had just come out of both of their mouths. Dean was sure he looked like a lost puppy trapped in the headlights.

There was an awkward silence for a couple of seconds that felt like an eternity, when Sam decided to cough and say, "I was just going to suggest we dare him to do something like run down the street singing Britney Spears wearing nothing but underwear and a pointy hat, but this is WAY more interesting."

"Okay?" Castiel repeated, shocked that Dean had agreed. It looked like Cas was rethinking his plan and was regretting initiating the dare, as he now looked just as lost and confused as Dean felt.

Apparently Sam had now decided that he was more amused than uncomfortable and a smirk was now firmly tacked onto his annoyingly delighted face. "Well, Dean, a dare's a dare. Pucker up, boys." Sam then pulled out his phone and got poised, ready to take a picture.

Cas's expression was hard to read. He had become stiff and unsure of himself, but Dean thought he could sense some excitement behind his guarded eyes. That may have just been wishful thinking, though.

Dean's head was still reeling with uncertainty. Why had Cas dared him to do that? The only reason he could think of was that Cas liked him too. But Cas was with Balthazar. If he wanted Dean, he wouldn't be with that dickwad, right? Then it hit him. Cas probably only dared Dean to kiss him because he thought Dean wouldn't do it, thus forcing Dean to live through the shame of backing down from a dare. While Dean was disappointed to realize that this meant that Cas didn't want him, he certainly wasn't going to back down from a dare. Nope. Dean Winchester NEVER backed down from a dare.

Dean forced a grin onto his face. "Cas didn't think I'd actually say yes. Clever little trick, man, but Dean Winchester doesn't back down from dares," Dean said cockily. "Jokes on you, because now you have to kiss me, loser."

Castiel's mouth opened, as if he was about to retort, but then he shut it again. He cocked his head to the side, as if contemplating something. He was doing that staring-into-Dean's-soul thing that he seemed so fond of, and Dean felt an erection being born. Awesome. He shifted to hide that little embarrassment, when all of a sudden, Cas's mouth was on his.

Dean made a weird little noise of surprise and then his brain just completely stopped working. He felt Cas's hand on his neck and Cas's lips over his and all he could think was "oh my GOD." He felt his hand reach to Cas's waist to pull him closer and he was vaguely aware of Sam's catcalls and shouts of "damn, GET SOME!" in the distance, then he felt Cas's tongue slowly caress his upper lip. He gasped and then the kiss was over as soon as it had begun.

Cas leaned back and sat back down in his previous position about a foot away from Dean, which was much too far away in Dean's opinion. His eyes were dark and he wore a faint smug expression, staring intently at Dean. Sam was cackling, his eyes wide with the glee of a middle school girl who had just been handed Justin Bieber tickets. He held up his phone, displaying a picture of Dean and Cas's moment. Cas was kneeling over Dean, one hand on the floor and one on Dean's neck. Dean had one hand on Cas's waist and the other on the floor, so close to Cas's hand. Dean stared at the picture, noting how perfect he and Cas looked, imagining what they would be doing right now if Sam were not here and the kiss had not ended.

"Look at you two studs!" Sam said, between giggles. "Balthazar better watch out, cause that was some hot stuff right there. Dean and Castiel, Castiel and Dean. I ship it. Dude, you guys need one of those couple names! You know, like Brangelina? How do you feel about Castean? Destiel? Ooh, that has a nice ring to it. Destiel. Look out, Balthazar, because here comes Destiel!"

Cas was still staring at Dean, who was having a hard time regaining control of his mind. He finally had the sense to let out a half-hearted chuckle. "Good one, Sammy. But I think you're entirely too amused. Anyway, what we came up here to tell you was Dad's getting Chinese for dinner and we're all having an Indiana Jones marathon and it's supposed to be awesome."

Sam beamed. "Seriously? Dude. Best. Day. EVER." He sprung up, still grinning and shaking his head at the picture on his phone, and pranced out his door and down the stairs singing the Indiana Jones theme to himself.

That left Dean and Castiel alone on the floor. After kissing. And Dean was still embarrassingly aroused. Before Dean could think of a suitably dumb joke to clear the awkward atmosphere, Castiel dropped a bomb so full to the brim of awkward that Dean didn't think they'd ever get the stench of awkward out of this room.

"Dean, does Sam know you're bisexual?"

"What?" Dean muttered, red all over. "Uh, no. Um, why?"

Castiel nodded slowly. "Just wondering."

Castiel's face was entirely blank and Dean was so confused. He still had no idea what had just happened in the last ten minutes of his existence.

Cas got up and said, "We should probably go downstairs or Sam might start spreading inappropriate homoerotic rumors about what the two of us are doing up here alone."

"Right," Dean muttered. His hands were shaky as he pushed himself up from the floor and followed Castiel.

Cas stopped so suddenly and turned so sharply to face Dean that Dean didn't have time to stop before their faces were mere inches from each other.

"Uh, Cas?" Dean stammered.

"Dean," Cas said quietly, an unreadable expression on his face, "If my goal had been to get you to back down from a dare, I would have dared you to kiss Sam."

Before Dean could even begin to contemplate what Cas had meant by that, Cas had turned on his heel and practically disappeared from Dean's side.

"What the fuck?" Dean muttered to himself before following Cas down the stairs and joining his family for that fun night he had been so excited about a few minutes ago.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Hiya! Firstly, thank you for everyone who is reading and reviewing - you guys are AWESOME and you guys don't even know how big I smile whenever I get a review. Seriously. It's awesome. :D**

**Secondly, I'm sorry it took longer than I expected for this chapter to happen. I told some people it would be up yesterday, but it wasn't and I'm sorry! It actually turned out I had stuff to do which is weird because I didn't know I had a life.**

**Thirdly, this chapter is from Cas's point of view! Surprise! I wasn't intending that doing that, but it just kind of happened. So I hope you enjoy!**

**But, word of warning, this chapter gets kind of depressing and if you have an eating disorder or self-harm, it might kind of be a trigger. So just, be careful xx**

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"Oh my god," Castiel thought to himself, as he turned and walked away from Dean and down the stairs of the Winchester home. Castiel could NOT believe he had just done that. He had kissed Dean. Just flat out kissed him. It was under the guise of a dare, but still; no one was stupid here - it was pretty obvious he'd wanted to kiss Dean.

Castiel was pretty sure he'd wanted Dean from the minute he'd made eye contact with those shockingly green eyes. Then when Dean had revealed his bisexuality, Castiel's hopes had skyrocketed. Maybe this meant he could have a chance with Dean? Then Dean had noticed his cuts. NO ONE had ever noticed his cuts before, outside of his family. No one. Castiel was sure that would scare Dean away. Dean was so delightfully NORMAL that there was no way he would want to be involved with a self-harming freak like Castiel. But then Dean had seemed to want to be his friend anyway. Castiel was so happy. Dean seemed to want to keep things on a friendship level, though, and since Dean was the only friend Castiel had ever had, there was no way he was going to let Dean's friendship go.

He had tried to lock his attraction to Dean away in the deepest corners of his mind, but his attraction was stubborn. Every time he looked at Dean, he could feel his attraction permeating through his entire body. He could feel it in his skin when it would get all tingly. He could feel it in his stomach when it would do backflips every time Dean flashed that crooked smile. He could feel it in his lips when Dean would say something that made the corners of his mouth turn upward in an involuntary smile. He could feel it in some other choice areas of his body, too, but thinking about that seemed inappropriate.

Castiel had thought that if anyone found out about his cutting and anorexia, they would treat him like a freak. Sure, they might be sympathetic, but they would still treat him differently. Dean hadn't. Not at all. He had taken steps to help Castiel, what with the meal plans and arm checks, but other than that, Dean just treated him like how anyone would treat their best friend. And every time Dean showed how much he cared about Castiel, Castiel fell that much harder. The first time in the bathroom, when Dean had flushed Castiel's razor down the toilet and made him promise never to attempt suicide again, Castiel felt like his heart was on fire. He'd NEVER felt so strongly toward someone before. And it just kept getting worse. When Dean had found out about his anorexia, he hadn't made a big deal out of it, but he had forced Castiel to eat, not taking no for an answer. And ever since then, he made it his own personal responsibility to make sure Castiel was eating healthily. Castiel had never had someone care for him like that before. His parents were obviously not the best caretakers and his siblings did care about him, he knew, but they were all teenagers (or in Michael's case, young adults) and they were otherwise occupied. But Dean was always there being whatever Castiel needed and Castiel couldn't get enough of it.

Then Dean started officially dating Lisa and talking about her and girls in general and Castiel felt his hopes crashing down. Dean never again mentioned his interest in men and Castiel could only take that as a sign that Dean would never want him in that way.

Castiel had met Balthazar in his AP Psychology class and Balthazar had been flirting with him since his first day. Castiel had been a bit hesitant at first, having no experience at all with being mercilessly hit on by another guy in addition to being head over heels infatuated with Dean. However, Castiel DID like Balthazar; he was attractive and he was smart and he was funny, plus Castiel could never have who he really wanted (Dean), so when Balthazar had asked Castiel out, he had said yes.

If Castiel had expected to get over Dean by dating Balthazar, he had been terribly mistaken. Castiel enjoyed being with Balthazar and he even enjoyed kissing him and holding his hand while they were out on dates. But Balthazar wasn't Dean. Castiel had shown Balthazar some of his artwork, and Balthazar had barely glanced at it before just trying to kiss him again. Castiel had tried to race Balthazar to the door of a restaurant once, like the races he so often had with Dean, and Balthazar had just looked at Castiel like he was some rambunctious five year-old. Castiel had tried to tell Balthazar about things at home and his father and his depression but before he could get the proper words out, Balthazar had started talking about some scholarship offer he was getting from some Ivy League college. In short, whenever Castiel was with Balthazar, all he could do was compare him to Dean and there was absolutely no competition in Castiel's mind as far as who of the two was more important to him.

Then Castiel was sure his mind was playing tricks on him, because he started to think he saw signs that Dean might actually be attracted to him. He thought he saw something like jealousy flicker in Dean's eyes when Castiel and Balthazar were together. He thought Dean's hands lingered a bit longer than necessary whenever he touched Castiel's shoulder or pulled up his sleeves to check for cuts. He thought he caught Dean staring at Castiel when he thought Castiel wasn't looking. And he was almost positive that earlier that day, he had woken up to Dean running his fingers through Castiel's hair.

Castiel didn't know what had come over him when he had dared Dean to kiss him. He didn't know what he had expected to happen. Even if he did get a kiss, which, as it turned out, he did, it wouldn't be because Dean wanted it. Kisses resulting from dares didn't count. His brother Gabriel had told him that when Castiel had come back from a party in ninth grade, glowing about the fact that he had obtained his first kiss from a boy named Lucifer during a game of truth or dare. Still, Castiel could have sworn that he had seen want in Dean's eyes before the kiss. And he could have sworn he had seen lust in Dean's features when Castiel had pulled away. And Dean had just broken up with Lisa. Maybe he did want Castiel.

That didn't mean Castiel wasn't overwhelmingly embarrassed as he entered the Winchester kitchen, Dean a couple of steps behind. He saw Sam waggle his eye brows up at Dean suggestively, his eyes darting from Dean to Castiel and back. Castiel internally groaned as Sam seductively licked his lips and winked at his brother.

"Hey, boys," John looked up at them with a grin. "I'm going to go pick up the Chinese food; I'll be back in ten minutes or so. Don't start the movie without me!"

"We won't, Dad," Sam assured him. "Hurry up, though, I'm hungry and I want to see some badass archeological awesomeness!"

Castiel didn't know what Indiana Jones was about, but the fact that it apparently had something to do with archaeology somewhat lifted his spirits.

When John had left the building, the three boys stood around the kitchen table awkwardly. Well, two of them stood awkwardly; Sam was happily texting someone, oblivious to the tension between Dean and Castiel.

Dean finally broke the silence. "Who are you so energetically texting, Sammy?"

Sam blushed. "Just this friend."

"A friend that makes you turn the color of a tomato?" Dean grinned. "What's her name? Spill."

"Her name is not important," Sam said, still blushing. "What is important is that I sent her the picture of you and Cas and she said you guys are adorable."

"WHAT?" Dean's voice raised a couple octaves. "Why did you do that?"

"Relax," Sam said, shocked at his brother's panicky reaction. "Everyone knows you're not gay or anything. It's not a big deal. Although I wish you were gay because you and Cas are totally my OTP now."

Castiel internally rolled his eyes. Yeah, right "Dean's not gay or anything". Except that he kind of was. But Dean didn't seem keen on correcting his brother's misconception. Then it occurred to Castiel that maybe Dean really was straight. Some people thought they were bisexual just because they had minor attractions to someone of their same sex. Dean had never actually done anything with a male before and maybe he had just said he was bisexual on a whim to make Castiel feel less awkward. Castiel must have just been imagining the small gestures that were making him think that Dean was attracted to him. Dean was just his friend. And if Dean was completely heterosexual, that's probably why he was acting awkward about their kiss.

Oh god, their kiss. Castiel had kissed a straight guy. And now he had probably ruined his friendship with the only he friend he'd ever had. The only person he'd ever felt completely comfortable with. The only person that made him happy.

Castiel wanted a razor.

Castiel was pulled out of his thoughts by the sound of the Winchester brothers' conversation. "What the hell is an OTP?" Dean was saying, with a wary look on his face that clearly said "I'm really not sure I want to know the answer to this."

"You know," Sam explained, "One true pairing? Like, you want them to live happily ever after and get married and have babies and be together forever and stuff. Only you and Cas can't have babies and you can only get married in some states, but the sentiment is still the same."

Castiel and Dean both stared at Sam in a mixture of confusion and mild horror. Castiel felt a bit more normal when Dean flashed him a smirk and they were bonded by their joint confusion over Sam's bizarre, and apparently homoerotic, fantasies involving the two of them.

"And why exactly are Dean and I your 'OTP', Sam?" Castiel asked, putting air quotes around "OTP."

"I dunno," Sam shrugged. "You guys have, like, a profound bond or something."

Dean snorted. "Right, Sammy." He rolled his eyes at Castiel. "When you're ready to stop being a girl, how about we get the movie ready and wait for Dad to bring the goods?"

"I'm not a girl!" Sam protested. "I just happen to be a fan of true love!"

Sam dramatically stormed into the living room and Dean shot Castiel an amused look before clapping him on the shoulder and leading the two of them into the living room behind his brother. Castiel was immensely glad that his little stunt hadn't scared Dean away and Dean seemed to be treating Castiel like his friend again, but he was still abundantly disappointed that Dean didn't share Sam's sentiment about Dean and Castiel being an "OTP" or whatever it was called. And he liked the term "profound bond." It had a nice ring to it.

When John Winchester was back with the food (and oh goodness, there was a LOT of food), the four of them settled in the living room in front of the tv. There was an awkward moment when Castiel wasn't quite sure if it was okay to sit next to Dean or not, but Sam had yanked him down on the couch right between the two Winchester brothers and after shifting uncomfortably for a second, Dean had seemed to be okay with it. Mr. Winchester settled down into the armchair and pressed the play button and the night began.

Castiel rather enjoyed The Raiders of the Lost Ark. There was a lot of action and it made him forget his own feelings for a while. Castiel had opted not to eat any Chinese food, though. His stomach was already a mess because of all the anxiety he was feeling and a bunch of greasy food was not going to help things. Plus, a tiny part if him, although he really didn't want to admit it, wanted to not eat just to see if Dean would notice and be concerned.

Dean did notice. But he didn't say anything. He just gave Castiel a look and that was it. Castiel knew he had screwed everything up. The movie wasn't a good enough distraction anymore. He was about to cry and he needed out.

"I'm sorry," Castiel said, standing up. "I need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back."

"Alright, we can pause it if you want," John said, his eyes glued to the screen.

"No, that's alright. I'll only be a moment," Castiel assured him as he hurried off, not even bothering to see whether Dean's eyes were on him as he left.

Castiel scrambled into the bathroom and locked the door. As soon as he did, he closed his eyes and sank to the floor. He could feel all of the frustration and sadness he had been hiding all night bubbling up inside him, trying to force itself out through tears. Castiel clutched his face with his hands, willing himself not to cry. His hands began to shake uncontrollably and he forgot how to breathe. His heart was racing and his brain was screaming at him "DON'T CRY! DON'T CRY!" He became dizzy with the effort and his stomach was filled with so much anxiety that it felt like he had a monster inside of him.

Castiel crawled to the toilet and shoved his finger down his throat, thinking that maybe if he threw up, all of the feelings inside that were breaking him would be gone. The rational part of his brain knew that this was ridiculous, but he honestly didn't care. He knew that he didn't even have any food in his system to throw up, but he shoved his finger down his throat until it happened anyway. He was strangely satisfied as he watched the runny orange liquid splash into the toilet bowl and he sat back, tears streaming down his face, still shaking.

He felt the wetness on his face and the strange sensation in his throat and the sweat gathering on his forehead and he just started to cry harder. He curled up into a ball and buried his face in his lap and cried and cried until his whole body was shaking. He could still taste his vomit in his mouth and he cried harder. He could still feel Dean's hands on his waist when they had kissed and he cried harder. He could still hear his father yelling at him for every mistake he had ever made and he cried harder.

He felt around in his jeans pocket for the razor he knew he had there. He used to feel bad for not telling Dean about it, but not anymore. He figured Dean didn't care anymore, so there was no use not cutting all over his arms. He held the razor and he brought it down against his pale, clear wrist and he winced with the sting but his mind began to clear as he glimpsed the instant relief of red blood trickling out of the newly formed cut. He brought the razor down on his arm again and again, losing track of how many times he did it, how many cuts he made. His arm was covered in blood, sticky and warm. His clothes had red stains all over. He was getting drops of blood on the Winchesters bathroom rug.

His left arm was becoming too messy, so he switched hands and pulled up his right sleeve. The clear, unmarked skin was so inviting and Castiel didn't even think before bringing his razor down on that one too. He stopped thinking and just went into auto-pilot, making slice after slice on his skin.

Finally, he just didn't have the energy anymore and he was exhausted. He let himself lay down on the bathroom floor and close his eyes. He was sticky and sweaty and his mouth still tasted horrible, but he just didn't have the energy to move anymore. He didn't have the energy for anything. The back of his mind remembered that he was at the Winchester's house and they were going to find him like this, but he couldn't make himself care anymore. He just closed his eyes and laid there, clutching his razor.

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**A/N: Sorry this was a rather depressing chapter. It can only look up from here, though, right? Maybe? Anyway, if you leave me a review, I will love you forever xx**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Hey guys! First of all thanks SOOO much for your reviews and stuff - they make me BEYOND happy :D **

**Also I just wanted to let you guys know that I'm basically overwhelmed with feels right now because I spent the majority of today reading a Destiel fic called "Named" and it was beautiful and perfect and just go read it right now because wow it was good. And I'm still a hot mess of emotions and I wrote this chapter on an emotional high after reading that fic so yeah. **

**Anyhow, enjoy the chapter! :P**

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Dean felt wrong. He felt all wrong. All night, ever since the kiss, he felt so wrong. His skin was tingly, his eyes were shifty, his hands were sweaty, his heart was unsteady, his neck was prickly, and his brain was trying to keep all of his other parts in check while it was still trying to figure out what the HELL was going on.

Because, seriously, what the HELL was going on? He couldn't look at Cas properly anymore, and that sucked more than just about anything Dean could possibly imagine. Cas was uncomfortable as shit around him now and Dean couldn't BELIEVE he had been the moron to ruin the best relationship he'd ever had with someone besides his brother and dad.

And now Dean felt even more wrong than he'd been feeling all night because Cas had gone to the bathroom, what, ten minutes ago? And he wasn't back. He could just be hiding from the awkward that Dean had caused and Dean didn't want to make it worse by seeking him out and making him feel even more awkward. Or he could be upset and needing his best friend there to comfort him. Or, even worse, he could be hurt. Dean knew what Cas was capable of doing to himself and that fucking scared him.

Normally, Dean wouldn't think twice about it - if Cas was acting sketchy and he was alone for more than five minutes, Dean would charge right after him and make sure he was okay. But now, Dean didn't know what to do. And he kicked himself repeatedly in his head for being such a dumbass that he had ruined the amazing friendship that he and Cas had.

The ten minutes that Cas had been gone turned to fifteen and the fifteen turned to seventeen and Dean's skin was ablaze with worry and the minutes felt like hours and he had no fucking clue whether Cas wanted his help or not. But something in Dean's heart was screaming at his brain with pure hysterical panic that Cas was in trouble and he needed Dean's help.

Dean felt like his whole body was going to spontaneously combust when he shot up from the couch and declared, "I'm going to check on Cas," before darting to the bathroom.

He got to the door and his stomach did about ten of the fastest backflips in the history of backflips before he got the courage to knock.

Five quick pounds on the door. "Cas?"

Dean waited. No response.

Dean felt panic bubbling in his stomach, quickly moving to his chest.

Five more pounds. "Cas?"

Still nothing.

Okay, now the panic was in his throat and his voice broke when he yelled, "Cas!" and tried to yank open the door, only to find it locked. He started banging on the door, his heart pounding, brokenly screaming his best friend's name.

"Dean!?" he heard his father's concerned voice and footsteps running toward him. Before he knew it, John was by his side, Sammy wide-eyed at his shoulder.

"Dean," John said, his expression earnest and his hands on his eldest son's shoulders. "Dean, what's wrong? Where's Cas?"

Dean could feel the wetness on his face and normally he would be embarrassed but he couldn't make himself care right now. If he had let Cas get hurt, he would never be able to forgive himself. Ever.

"Cas is in there -" Dean's voice was so hoarse and rough it didn't even sound like his own. "Door's locked - I - he's not answering -"

John quickly brushed Dean aside and kicked the door open. Dean didn't even have time to be impressed because the sight he saw in the bathroom made his heart stop.

There was so much blood. It was everywhere. He had never seen so much blood in his life and lying smack-dab in the middle of all that blood was his best friend. He had never seen someone look so small; Cas looked helpless and broken and TINY and Dean didn't even know how to process how small he was. His eyes raked over the scene and he saw the open toilet and the contents of Cas's stomach within and he saw the gashes all over Cas's arms - Cas's beautiful, previously clean, arms that he had been so proud of - and he saw Cas's sickly pale face with his closed eyes and Dean didn't even think he could move. He had broken his best friend and his world was crashing down on him because he was pretty sure this sight was his world ending.

John was the first to spring into action and, following their father's example, Dean and Sam finally sprung into action too.

"Cas!" John said, lunging into the bathroom and grabbing the boy's head and placing it in his lap. "Castiel, can you hear me?" Cas stirred beneath him and Dean could see the intense relief flood into John's features. "Cas! Stay with me, kiddo, I've got you, son. Sam! Call 911. Dean! Get over here."

Dean stumbled over and John laid Cas's head in Dean's lap. Dean could feel Cas breathing and it was the best fucking sound he'd ever heard. He pulled Cas closer, not even caring how much of a mess the kid was and that he was sitting in a pile of his best friend's blood. He was vaguely aware of Sam's shaky voice saying their address into the phone and his father's rustling about trying to find something to stop the bleeding.

Even though Cas was barely conscious, Dean could feel that he was still there, so he whispered reassurance for Cas to hear and he ran his hands through Cas's hair so he would know he wasn't alone. Cas's eyelids were fluttering and John kept chanting "Stay with me, son." Dean kept rubbing his fingers soothingly into Cas's scalp and Sam kept handing wet paper towels to John and telling Cas that "it's going to be okay, we've got you."

Time flew at an alarmingly fast speed but at the same time it dragged painfully slowly as the Winchesters tried to clean up Cas and the ambulance made it's way to the house. When they heard the siren, Sam sprinted outside to lead the paramedics to Cas and Dean and John kept holding Cas and telling him that it was going to be okay. And what a weird fucking statement: "it's going to be okay." Because right now, this, what Dean was seeing happen, this was so far from okay. Someone as beautiful and perfect and special as Cas bleeding his life away on a bathroom floor surrounded by the stench of vomit and sweat was so fucking far from okay that Dean couldn't even comprehend the irony.

But Cas needed to hear that it was going to be okay. They all needed to hear that it was going to be okay. So Dean kept holding his best friend and whispering in his ear, "It's going to be okay."

The paramedics burst in and John had to pull Dean away from Cas because Dean was thinking so far from straight and he really just didn't want to let Cas go. Not again.

John clutched Dean to his chest and out of the paramedics' way and he whispered into his son's hair that same sentence, "It's going to be okay."

The paramedics got Cas onto a stretcher and, in record time, were rushing him toward the ambulance. Dean heard one of them ask his father something and he heard his father reply "yes." He felt his father usher him and Sam into the ambulance with Cas and he heard a whir of sound and movement and all he could do was cling to his father and Sam and think how much he fucking loved his family.

His best friend was almost dying and it was all his fucking fault and here him and his family were: covered in blood, clinging together, tears soaking their faces, no questions asked, just being there. Doing whatever they could to make sure Cas was okay because he was one of them now. No questions asked. His family was there to make sure everything was going to be okay.

There had been an eternity of waiting in which Dean was shaky and sweaty and babbling incoherently, then finally a lady in scrubs and an annoyingly peppy smile bounced up and told them that Castiel was okay and they could come in to see him, if they pleased.

The Winchesters hadn't even bothered to clean up and they were still covered in Cas's blood. They looked like fucking homicidal hobos, but they all but raced to Cas's room anyway because they were Winchesters and Winchesters don't do things half-hearted. They fucking full-throttled it.

They practically shoved the nurse out of the way and clamored into the doorway of Cas's room and Dean saw those clear, blue eyes look at him and that was it.

He felt a wave of relief flood over his entire being because a couple of hours ago he had been worried that he'd never see those eyes looking at him ever again. He thought about all of the times he and Cas had laughed together, talked together, even just sat together in companionable silence. He thought about how fucking IN LOVE with this kid he was and how much he wanted to kiss that beautiful face.

He momentarily forgot that his father and brother even existed and before he even knew what he was doing, his legs rushed him over to Cas's hospital bed. He forgot to even think about what he was doing (which is good because if he had been thinking, there's no way he'd have had the courage to actually do it) and before anyone could say anything, he was sitting on Cas's bed and pulling Cas as close as he could get him and their foreheads touched and Dean couldn't get enough of those eyes and MAN he still really wanted to kiss the kid.

So he did.

He forgot that they had an audience and he forgot that hours earlier he had convinced himself that Cas could never like him and he forgot that Cas had an annoying British dick of a boyfriend. He saw that face less than an inch away from his own and that face was ALIVE and it was a beautiful face and its lips were so close to Dean's lips and before he knew what was happening, he had leaned in just a hair and pressed his lips against his best friend's.

It happened fast but the minute their lips collided, everything felt slow. Dean's touch was soft and hesitant, as if at least some small part in his brain knew that this was a risky maneuver. But Cas responded immediately, bringing his hand to Dean's cheek and parting his lips so they fit like perfect puzzle pieces against Dean's own lips. Dean could feel tears springing to his eyes again and he dug his fist into Cas's hair and slung his other arm around Cas's waist possessively. Never again was he going to let anything hurt Cas or take Cas away from him. No.

Dean felt Cas's hands slide around his neck and back and Dean could feel Cas echoing his own intent to get as close as possible. Cas's mouth opened and his breath hitched and Dean slid his tongue possessively against Cas's upper lip before sliding it further into Cas's mouth against Cas's tongue. They kissed slowly until Dean remembered they had company and pulled back with one last close-mouthed kiss.

Dean rested his forehead against Cas's and closed his eyes. "Don't ever scare me like that again, Cas." He looked up and saw tears in Cas's eyes.

"I'm sorry, Dean," Cas said quietly.

"Shh," Dean whispered. He kissed Cas's nose and then he just pulled him in as close as he could get him for a hug.

He finally remembered to acknowledge his family, who had remained surprisingly silent throughout this whole exchange. He looked to his dad first and what he saw there surprised him. He had expected some shock, some confusion, some awkwardness, maybe even some slight anger at the blatant PDA he had just witnessed. What Dean saw instead was intense relief and love. John's face was still covered in dry tears and dry blood and all that Dean could read in his expression was relief that his family was okay. He then looked at Sam, who looked about ready to shit rainbows, his grin was so big.

"YOU GUYSSS!" Sam beamed, "My OTP is happening right in front of my eyes. This is so magical." Sam bounded over to the bed like a giant puppy and embraced Dean and Cas like there was no tomorrow. "Bring it in, guys. Bring it in."

Dean rolled his eyes and he felt himself grinning too. He was feeling so much right now. Love, for Cas and his family because, wow, they had just been through a shitload the last few hours and they came out looking pretty damn good. Relief, because Cas was actually okay and Dean could finally breathe again. Excitement, because - holy shit can you believe it - Cas actually liked him too and that was basically a miracle. There was also fatigue, nervousness, embarrassment, and doubt, but mostly he was feeling happy right now and that was really something.

John walked over and joined the three boys on the bed, giving each of them a kiss on the forehead. He put his arm around Sam and clapped Dean's knee and the four of them sat there; Dean's arms around Cas, Cas leaning on Dean, Sam clinging to Cas, and John with a protective arm over all three. They didn't say anything but they didn't have to. They just curled up together and drifted off to sleep, knowing they were all loved and, because of that, they were all going to be okay.


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Hello lovely people! Thank you SO SO SO SO SO much for your reviews and messages and kind words - they made me so happy and they gave me the push I needed to keep this story going and the confidence I needed to work out how to revise my planning to make everything work! **

**I'm not even gonna lie - I had entirely too much fun writing this chapter. It's kind of silly and pointless but I figured this story needed some of that after all the crazy emotional drama! Enjoy! ^.^**

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Castiel woke up and his first thought was "white." He opened his eyes and everything seemed brighter than it should be. His first suspicion was that he was dead and in heaven, but then he remembered that he was too much of a useless pile of shit to wind up in heaven, so he blinked and tried to become aware of his surroundings.

He wasn't usually this groggy after waking up and he was having a hard time getting his bearings. He realized that he was in a hospital bed and then he realized that he wasn't alone. He looked up to his left and there was Dean Winchester. He looked down to his right and there was Sam Winchester. He squinted to a chair on the other side of the room and there was John Winchester.

Suddenly the events of last night all came flooding back to his memory. He remembered lying on the Winchester bathroom floor covered in blood. He remembered all three Winchesters charging in like knights in shining armor to save him. He remembered being rushed to the hospital and fussed over by numerous faceless people in scrubs and gloves. He remembered being told he was all taken care of by a nurse with an annoyingly happy smile. He remembered Dean Winchester coming in and kissing him.

The memory made Castiel smile brighter than the dazzlingly white room he was in. Dean Winchester had kissed him. It wasn't for a dare and it wasn't for any other reason besides that he was just overcome with the desire to do it. Dean Winchester had kissed him. Him: Castiel Novak. Dean Winchester liked Castiel Novak in the same way that Castiel Novak liked Dean Winchester. This was too good to be true.

But it was true. Castiel looked back up at Dean's sleeping form and noted his arms wrapped tight around Castiel's waist, possessively claiming him. He remembered with perfect clarity now the fierceness with which Dean's lips had pressed against his own. He remembered the urgency in Dean's touches. He remembered Dean not even caring about his family watching or about anything at all other than Castiel being okay. This was too wonderful for words.

After Castiel's brain had processed how awesome the situation with himself and Dean now was, his mind moved on to more distressing areas. For instance: a minor can't end up in the hospital after a suicide attempt without his parents finding out about it.

Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

Castiel looked over at John Winchester and wished with all of his heart that John Winchester was his father. Of course, then he couldn't have Dean. But still, Castiel couldn't bear the thought of having to face his own father now.

John Winchester stirred and opened his eyes, seeing Castiel looking at him. His mouth easily curled into a caring smile and he got up and sleepily walked over to the bed. He sat down and patted Castiel's knee.

"Hey, kiddo," John whispered, careful not to wake his two sleeping sons. "How are you feeling?"

Castiel smiled weakly up at John. "Thank you, Mr. Winchester. For everything. You don't understand how much I - just - thank you."

John smiled down at Castiel again and placed a kiss on his forehead. "No need to thank me. You're family, son."

"Mr. Winchester, what's going to happen to me now? My family - do they... what's going to happen?"

John Winchester's easy smile faltered a bit. He kept a hand resting reassuringly on Castiel's knee. "Well, I had to inform the authorities who your family was. They gave your father a call and he - he was unable to come see you. But when you are discharged, we're to take you back home to your family."

Castiel's heart sank. His father was "unable to come see him." Right. That was definitely code for "I don't want to see my stupid fuck-up of a son and if he had died I probably wouldn't even attend his fucking funeral." Castiel felt his hands start to quiver. "Mr. Winchester?" he whispered. He didn't know what he was going to say, but he needed to say something.

"Yeah, kiddo?" John responded, squeezing Castiel's shaky hands.

"Did Dean fell you... what did Dean tell you?" Castiel asked.

John rubbed his thumb soothingly over Castiel's hand. "He told me you've been struggling for a while. He told me he was helping you deal with self-harm and eating problems. He told me your mother wasn't a real parental figure and he told me your father wasn't either."

Castiel nodded. He didn't want to get his family in trouble. He couldn't think of how to phrase the fact that his father occasionally felt the need to throw him across the room or yank his sister's hair or dunk his brother's face in the sink. So he didn't.

Castiel just sat in silence for a few minutes and enjoyed what it must feel like to have a real father. He thought John Winchester was the most amazing man in the world for doing this, for being there. He had helped Castiel completely selflessly and he had raised two brave and kind sons who were willing to do the same.

Speaking of which, the younger of the two sons was starting to stir and Castiel felt Sam Winchester's head nudge against his chest.

"Mm," Sam said groggily. "Morning." Sam looked really rather comical, his eyes blinking around confusedly and his head shaking slowly, as if trying to get itself to focus.

"Good morning, my favorite little moose," John said, amused.

"I'm not a moose," Sam complained sleepily. "I don't have antlers."

Castiel chuckled and his slight movement caused Dean to stir awake. Dean was even funnier than Sam when he was first waking up. Dean yawned widely and dramatically, stretching his arms as he did. He accidentally knocked a machine over and promptly apologized to it.

"Sorry, man, didn't see you there," Dean murmured to the piece of equipment. His eyes then skimmed the room and finally landed on John, Castiel, and Sam staring at him with varying degrees of amusement.

"What?" he muttered, scratching the back of his head and making his hair stand up funny.

As if on cue, a nurse scuttled promptly into the room, holding a clipboard. At the sight of four mostly grown men on the bed, she paused for a second and then placed a practiced smile on her face. "Good morning, Castiel and... company. If you don't mind, Castiel, I need to check your vitals, so if everyone else would kindly get out of the patient's bed?"

John hopped right up while Sam and Dean grumbled a bit, dragging themselves out from under the covers. Dean pressed a quick kiss to Castiel's forehead as he went, eliciting an eyebrow quirk from the nurse and a girlish giggle from Sam.

The nurse proceeded to poke a thermometer in Castiel's mouth, squeeze the life out of his arm, and stick him with a needle, while the Winchesters watched amusedly at Castiel's discomfort. Castiel found that he kind of loved their teasing gazes, though. It felt nice knowing that they were comfortable enough with him to wordlessly mock his discomfort with a stranger in the room.

After the nurse was done prodding into Castiel's personal space, she announced, "Everything looks good, Castiel! We can discharge you now as long as you don't feel any pain."

She looked at Castiel expectantly and Castiel stammered, "Oh, um, yeah - no pain."

"Good!" she smiled brightly. "You all can go ahead and come with me and we'll fill out some papers and you lot can be on your way!"

After some boring paperwork, the four of them walked out of the hospital and into the fresh air. And, wow, the fresh air felt awesome. The realization sunk into Castiel that he had almost killed himself. A few more minutes left alone in that bathroom, and he might not even be standing here. Castiel smiled as he realized that he was glad to be alive.

"Wait," Sam said, slowly, as the four men were on their way to the parking deck. "Guys... we rode here in an ambulance."

"Thank you, Captain Obvious," Dean said sarcastically, reaching for Castiel's hand. "What's your point, Sasquatch?"

"Dean, we don't have a car," Sam said with an eye roll.

"Aw, shit," John said, looking around.

Castiel tried to choke back a laugh. These three men had just saved his life, but now they were powerless to commence their next move because they didn't have a car.

Castiel didn't quite succeed in choking back his laugh and a small titter came out of his lips. Dean looked at him and started chuckling a bit too. Sam followed suit and at the sight of all three boys laughing, John's face started to shine in amusement too.

"Um," Dean said. "Do any of you guys have friends with rides that we can call? Because pretty much everyone I talk to is stranded at a hospital without a car."

"All of my friends are freshmen," Sam pointed out. "We can't drive."

"I have some work acquaintances," John said and the boys hopefully looked up. "But I don't don't have my phone with me and I don't know their numbers."

"I would call my brother, but my phone is in my pants and I don't know where those went," Castiel mused.

That last comment was it, and at that all four of them started cracking up. After what a trying night they had all just said, OF COURSE they would end up stranded in a parking lot with no transportation.

A few people passed by, giving the four men strange looks, probably thinking they had just escaped the psych ward or something. It didn't help that Castiel still totally looked like a patient, wearing a hospital bracelet and patient scrubs. Sam was leaning on his father for support as he chuckled giddily and John's eyes were shining as he looked up at the sky with a grin. Dean and Castiel were doubled over on top of each other, laughing like idiots.

After a few seconds, Castiel had already forgotten why they were all even laughing but their laughter was contagious and he was happy, so he kept laughing anyway. He saw tears gathering in the corner of Dean's eyes, something that routinely happened when he laughed too hard, and that sight made him even giddier with amusement.

He heard Sam choke out, through giggles, "Well, you know it's not a party until SOMEONE loses their pants!"

John rolled his eyes and clapped Sam on the shoulder. "Maybe we should try to find Cas's pants. Something tells me his phone might be important, especially if we intend on getting anywhere today."

Castiel didn't particularly want to go back into the stuffy hospital that smelled like death, but it didn't seem so bad now, with three good-humored Winchesters at his side.

As they walked through the hospital door, Sam yanked on Dean's shoulder. "Dean!" Sam said, eyes full of excitement. "Remember when we were little and we used to pretend we were secret agents whenever we were doing something boring to make it more exciting?"

"Yeah," Dean said, a smile playing on his lips.

"Dude," Sam said, his eyebrows wiggling in anticipation.

Dean nodded. He let go of Castiel's hand and pretended to talk into a walkie-talkie or something. "Agent Winchester here, working on the Case of the Missing Pants. Agent Sasquatch, do you copy?"

Sam grinned while rolling his eyes. "Agent AWESOME is here, and Agent Awesome doesn't know who the hell this Agent Sasquatch you speak of is." Then Sam turned to Castiel. "Agent Novak, you with us?"

Castiel honestly had no idea what was going on. He was torn between amusement and utter confusion. His siblings had never done anything like this before. Probably because they were too busy not having a childhood and trying to be perfect to please their father.

John turned and whispered conspiratorially to Castiel, "It's best if you just play along. The weirdness doesn't stop. There's no cure. You might as well embrace it."

Dean and Sam were both staring at Castiel intently. "Agent Novak, do you copy?" Dean asked, eyebrows raised at Castiel.

Castiel felt a smile gracing his features as he raised his "walkie-talkie" to his mouth. "Roger that, Agents Dumb and Dumber."

Sam and Dean both looked totally nonplused and Castiel almost broke into hysterical chuckles again. John was the one who started laughing this time. He broke his "I'm a super mature adult and I'm totally in charge of this situation" facade and doubled over in laughter.

They were in the hotel lobby now and they were getting very judgmental glares from a bunch of sick people. Castiel, Dean, and Sam started full-on laughing too and it took an old lady running Sam's foot over with a walker in irritation to calm them down.

"Okay," John said, raising his own pseudo walkie-talkie to his lips. "Agent Dumbass, Agent Sasquatch, and Agent Novak, follow my lead. I have acquired our target."

John looked pointedly at the nurse behind the front desk. Dean, Sam, and Castiel surreptitiously tried to follow his gaze in a sneaky way. Castiel felt like a total moron who was five years old but he had never had this much fun before in his life and he was so into this.

John, Dean, Sam, and Castiel all nodded to each other seriously, with purpose. Following John's lead, they marched to the front desk, chins high and chests out.

The nurse looked up at them when they approached and smiled. "Hello, gentlemen, may I help you?"

"Yes," Dean said cockily, sidling up to the front of the pack of four. "We are trying to acquire a pair of pants," he murmured seriously.

"Pants?" the nurse blinked.

"Pants," John Winchester repeated, nodding gravely.

The boys followed his lead and shook their heads in affirmation. Castiel was pretty sure they looked like a bunch of full-sized bobble heads but he totally didn't care.

"I don't understand," the nurse said, her smile faltering.

"What we have here, ma'am," Sam said earnestly, "seems to be a case of" - he paused to dramatically remove sunglasses that Castiel hadn't even known he'd been wearing - "stolen breeches."

The nurse looked so confused Castiel almost felt bad for her. She looked at John questioningly, but he just shrugged and said, "Those are the facts, ma'am. This young man was brought here last night, breeches fully in tact, and now the article of clothing is no where to be found. Also," he leaned in conspiratorially. The nurse found herself leaning in as well, playing along, probably because John Winchester was a rather charming and attractive man, "the perpetrator is also suspected of stealing a mobile device."

The nurse smiled. "So basically, what you're saying is this patient was here last night but you need his pants back because his phone was in them?"

John winked. "You catch on fast. Do you think you could help me and my fellow agents out?"

She looked amused as the three boys tried to look impressive, intimidating, and agent-y. "Sure," she said. "Follow me."

The four nodded to each other as if to say "nice work, team" then followed the nurse purposefully.

"So," the nurse turned to Castiel. "What's your name?"

"Agent Nova - I mean, Castiel Novak," Castiel replied.

Dean and Sam smirked. The nurse led them to a room full of lockers. She pulled out a key and unlocked one of them. "Are these the missing items, Agents?" she asked, amusement in her eyes.

The four of them gathered around the locker and peered in intently. Sure enough, Castiel's blood-stained clothes were there. Castiel reached into the pants pocket and pulled out the mobile device of interest.

"Thank you, ma'am," Dean said. "You've done your country a fine service today."

Sam nodded seriously from behind Dean's shoulder and Castiel did the same.

The nurse looked incredibly amused.

"One more thing," Dean said. "Do you have any," he stole a page out of his father's book and leaned in conspiratorially, "sunglasses we could have?"

"Let me see what I can do for you," she replied with a serious look before winking. "Wait here."

John pulled sunglasses out of his jacket pocket and put them on. Sam was ready to do the same when Dean stole his and put them on his own face. Sam let out an irritated huff, to which Dean replied, "Sorry Agent Sasquatch, but these look hotter on me."

Castiel nodded seriously. "I concur with Agent Dumbass."

This earned him an irritated, albeit amused, look from both brothers and Castiel grinned.

The nurse came back with two pairs of sunglasses, one a pair of aviators, another a pair of tacky pink sunglasses that looked like they belonged to Barbie. Castiel quickly snatched the aviators, giving Sam an apologetic shrug as Sam was forced to put on the bright pink shades.

"Thank you, sweetheart," John said, winking at the nurse. "Come on agents," John said, adjusting his sunglasses. "Let's roll out."

The four Agents dramatically turned on their heels and sauntered confidently out of the hospital, full of, as Dean would say, swagger and awesomeness. Castiel couldn't stop smiling as nurses and patients alike shot confused glances at the four (mostly) grown men strutting around like children playing dress up.

The four burst through the doors of the hospital, walking outside with purpose in their steps. John then turned around and dramatically ripped his sunglasses off his face. The three teenagers followed suit. John held his fist out and declared, "Mission accomplished." The four then proceeded to do a very serious and manly fist bump before returning the sunglasses to their faces and strutting off like pros.

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**A/N: Thanks for reading, lovelies! I hope you guys enjoyed the more light-hearted (if rather silly) chapter. :) If you comment you will make my day and I will probably cry tears of joy and it will be awesome.**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: YOU GUYS ROCK MY SOCKS! Your reviews are so nice and they make me all smily! You guys are so fabulous! Xx**

**This chapter is from Michael Novak's point of view, which is a bit different! Hope you enjoy! Xx**

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Michael Novak was sitting quietly in his room in the Novak house in the small town of Lawrence, Kansas. He originally hadn't planned on being a 22-year-old living with his parents, but sometimes life just didn't go the way you planned.

His mother had started going downhill when he was a freshman in high school. His father started becoming borderline abusive in addition to his policy of neglect at around that time, too.

Michael didn't mind when his father hit him. When it started, it was only in secret and not very often and not very hard. His father and mother continued to get worse as Michael progressed through high school, but Michael took it like a man. He was just thankful that his dad was only hurting him and not Cas, Gabe, and Anna.

Michael still remembered the first time his father had tried to hurt Cas. Michael was a senior in high school and Castiel was in eighth grade. Castiel had come in second place in an essay competition instead of first place. Their father had been counting on Cas winning first place so he could claim the $5000 prize.

Castiel had walked through the door and announced with a tiny voice that he had come in second place and his father had loomed over him and demanded to know why he didn't have the talent to win. Castiel had muttered a quiet apology and their father had started yelling about Novaks being the best and Novaks never losing and a bunch of other shit like that.

Michael had practically pushed a young Gabe and Anna out of the room before rushing over to his father and brother. He had put a hand on his father's shoulder just as an arm was raising to hit the 13-year-old Castiel. His father had then spun around and smacked him instead, mercilessly repeating the act while Castiel had stood wide-eyed in fear.

Cas had tried to make a small noise of protest, but Michael had yelled at him to get out of the room instead. It was that night that Michael had decided to take college classes online instead of going to live at a university. He could have gotten into any school he wanted and part of him yearned to go and leave this miserable life behind.

But every time he looked at Castiel's wide blue eyes, Gabriel's easy smile, or Anna's innocent face, he couldn't bring himself to leave them alone.

So he stayed and he watched them grow into teenagers and he watched his father hurt them and he kicked himself every time it happened, because it always did, no matter how hard he tried to stop it.

Unlike his younger siblings, he could remember clearly a time when his mother was happy and his father was actually decent. He could remember seeing his mother gaze adoringly at his father and whenever he thought of that, he couldn't bear the thought of calling Child Protective Services on his father, although he considered it on multiple occasions.

Even though his family was a corrupt one, he had a responsibility to it. He had to stand by his family and he couldn't betray his parents, even when they weren't doing their jobs correctly. The best he could do was be here to protect his younger siblings as best he could, and he had to keep telling himself that that was enough.

Michael stared at his laptop and tried to think of a good thesis for his Political Science paper. He was having a bit of a hard time focusing, unfortunately. He was worried about Castiel - he knew his little brother had been hurting himself and he knew that his father had recently found out that Cas was gay. He knew that this was making things really hard for Cas and Cas had been even more down in the dumps than usual as of late.

Michael usually didn't get too worried whenever Cas didn't come home for the night because usually he would get a text from his brother that was something along the lines of "staying at Dean's for the night". He hadn't gotten a text like that last night.

He had tried texting and calling Cas a few times this morning to make sure he was okay, but Cas hadn't responded. This is what was making Michael begin to seriously worry. He emphatically wished that he had thought to ask Cas for the Winchesters' numbers at some point, because that's usually who he was with, but, alas, Michael had no idea how to contact said Winchesters.

Michael was about to give up on political science all together and scour the town searching for Castiel, when Castiel's name lit up on his phone. He breathed a sigh of relief and flipped open the device.

"Cas!" Michael breathed. "I've been worried! I tried calling and texting you a couple times. You okay?"

"Well, kind of," Cas said.

"Well, kind of" was better than "no", Michael guessed, so he breathed another sigh of relief.

"Okay, well, what's going on? Are you with the Winchesters, or?"

"Um-" Cas paused for a second. Michael heard someone laughing in the background. That was a good sign. He figured Cas was probably just goofing off with Dean and had forgotten to check his phone.

"Actually, can you just talk to Mr. Winchester? He can probably explain everything better than I can," Castiel said nervously.

"Uh, okay, sure," Michael said curiously. "Go ahead and put him on."

"Hello?" a deeper, but kind-sounding, voice came through the phone.

"Uh, hello, Mr. Winchester?" Michael asked.

"Yessir, call me John," John said.

"Alright, John. So, what's going on?" Michael thought he could hear John walk away from wherever Cas and probably Dean were before he started talking again.

"Listen, Michael, Castiel was in the hospital last night."

"What?!" Michael leapt out of his chair. "Is he okay? What happened? Oh my god, is he hurt?"

"Don't worry, he's fine now," John said. "Last night he was at our house and we were watching a movie and he went to the bathroom. None of us thought anything of it, but after about twenty minutes, Dean decided to check on him. We found him barely conscious with cuts all over his arms and puke in the toilet. We called 911 and got him to the hospital and they fixed him up. The doctor called your father and told him what happened, but apparently your father refused to see him. I was told to take Cas to your home as soon as he was discharged. He was discharged this morning but we don't have a car because we came here in an ambulance. Cas said you might be able to come pick is up."

"Of course, yeah," Michael assured him, fumbling for his wallet and keys.

"Thanks, Michael," John said, relieved.

"No, Mr. Winchester, thank you," Michael said seriously. "For taking care of him. Cas has been having a hard time lately and at home things are... well, not ideal. He talks about you guys like your angels or something and I know he loves you so, seriously, thank you for being so good to him. He really needs that. If it weren't for you guys, he might be... well, just thanks." Michael felt himself getting emotional as he rushed to his car with the phone to his ear.

Luckily, his father wasn't home to ask where he was going. But apparently his father already knew about Cas's suicide attempt. That definitely was not going to go over well.

"No problem," John was saying emphatically. "We love Cas. He's like a son to me. Dean.. well, Dean really loves him a lot and Sammy adores him too. It's really no problem at all. He's always welcome here and we will always take good care of him. He's a great kid, Michael."

Michael glowed with pride. "Yeah, he is. Okay, I'm on my way to the hospital now, see you in a bit, thanks again, John."

"Oh, Michael, one more thing."

"Sure."

John paused, then said slowly, "Your father... he didn't seem... Michael, is Cas going to be okay going home to that?"

Michael swallowed. "I won't let anything happen to him, John." And Michael meant it. He had never meant anything more in his life. His baby brother had fucking almost DIED last night and Michael was sick of his father's shit. If his dad tried to lay one hand on Cas's head tonight, Michael was done.

"Okay," John said. Michael thought John must have sensed the conviction in his voice because he seemed to relax. "Thanks, Michael. See you in a few."

"Yup. Bye, John."

"See ya."

Michael hung up and pulled out of the driveway. He was shaking as it hit him how close to losing Castiel he had come last night, and he hadn't even known.

"Thank God for the Winchesters," Michael sighed as he headed toward the hospital.

About ten minutes later, Michael found himself pulling into the hospital parking lot. He spotted his little brother standing on a sidewalk next to two other teenage guys and a middle-aged man. They didn't see him at first and Michael was amused as he watched his little brother interact with the Winchesters.

The two Winchester boys (Sam and Dean, if Michael remembered correctly) each had a stick and they were using the sticks to engage in a mock sword fight. The younger one (Sam, Michael thought) was tall and he moved awkwardly. But he had a huge grin on his face and his features were pleasant, if a bit geeky. The one who was Cas's age, Dean, was devilishly good-looking, with an easy smile and skilled movements. He also had a kind face that made Michael smile. He could see why Cas was so fond of him. Cas and John were standing watching Sam and Dean, smiling. John was using Cas's shoulder as an arm rest and they were whispering and gesturing to each other and laughing, presumably making fun of Sam and Dean's lack of dueling finesse.

Michael smiled because Cas looked happy. Then he watched as Dean "won" the little duel they were having and Cas and John cheered. Then he watched as his little brother went over to Dean and kissed him in congratulations. Michael beamed. So did the Winchesters and Cas.

Michael got out of his car and headed toward the happy little party. He waved as Cas saw him and he jogged the rest of the way to his little brother.

"Michael!" Cas called.

"Hey, Michael," John Winchester held his hand out for Michael to shake. Michael shook it warmly. "I'm John Winchester. This is Sam and Dean." He gestured as he said their names.

"Nice to meet you guys," Michael smiled. He then pulled his little brother in for a hug and kissed the boy's forehead. "Feeling okay, kiddo?"

"Yeah, Michael," Cas said quietly, blushing. "I'm sorry about -"

"Hey," Michael cut him off. "Don't mention it."

Cas looked up at him gratefully and Michael ruffled his hair.

"So," Michael said, addressing the group at large. "Am I taking you lot home first before bringing Cas home?"

"Sounds great," John said, smiling at Michael.

Dean took Cas's hand. "Cas are you gonna be okay?"

Cas looked up at Michael. Michael tried to smile reassuringly.

"Yeah, I'll be fine," Cas said, squeezing Dean's hand.

"Alright," Dean said. He leaned in to give Cas another kiss and Michael noticed Sam's wide grin.

"YOU GUYS ARE SO CUTE!" Sam squealed. "Guys. Guys. I just. I can't. You're just. Bring it in, guys. Bring it in!"

Sam tackled them with a hug and Michael grinned and decided he liked that kid. He looked at John and John's mouth twitched in amusement.

John turned to Michael. "This has been happening all day," he informed him.

Michael chuckled. "I like it. Brotherly support is where it's at. Pound it, bro," Michael said, holding his fist out for Sam to fist bump.

Sam eagerly accepted the fist bump. "True dat, man."

Cas and Dean looked amused and Michael decided he whole-heartedly approved of this match. He owed the Winchesters big time.

"Okay, my car's this way, guys," Michael said, gesturing for the group to follow him.

"Shotgun!" John called, eliciting a "damnit!" from Sam. Michael grinned.

Yeah, the Winchesters were definitely awesome.

They clamored into the car and it was a tight fit. The three teenage boys were practically on top of each other in the back seat.

"Cas, you're sitting in the middle. Sorry, dude, you're the smallest," Sam said apologetically.

"It's fine," Cas said.

"Aw, you don't want to sit next to me, little brother?" Dean asked, mock offended.

"Nope. You spent all morning calling me Bigfoot. I like Cas better."

"Hey! Cas was the one who started that!"

"What? No I didn't!" Cas glared at Dean.

"Oh yeah! You're right, he did! Dean, you're a bad influence on your boyfriend!"

"No I'm not! I'm full of sunshine and rainbows!"

"Shut up," Cas and Sam said at the same time.

John and Michael exchanged amused grins.

It wasn't long before Michael pulled into the Winchester's driveway. Everyone clamored out of the car.

"Thanks for the ride, Michael," John said, offering his hand for a shake.

"Anytime," Michael said, shaking John's hand.

"Yeah, thanks, dude," Sam said.

"Ditto," Dean echoed.

"You're both welcome to come in for a bit, if you want," John offered. "Unless, of course, you're completely tired of us by now, Cas."

"Believe me, I'm not tired of you," Cas said genuinely. "But I think I should be getting home."

Michael squeezed his brother's shoulder comfortingly. "Thanks, John, Sam, Dean," Michael said. "For everything." He hoped his expression conveyed how truly thankful he was to the Winchesters.

"Yeah," Cas echoed. "Thanks for everything." He rushed forward and hugged John, who looked touched and hugged Cas back tightly. Then Sam yanked Cas over to hug him himself.

Dean smirked. "Alright, Bigfoot, don't choke the poor guy."

Sam let Cas go and Cas practically attacked Dean's lips with his own. Dean wrapped his arms around Cas and cupped his face and it was probably the cutest thing Michael had seen. Ever.

Apparently Sam thought so too. "YOU GUYSSSS!" Sam gushed.

Dean quickly pulled away and pointed a finger at his brother. "If you say 'bring it in' and tackle us with a hug one more time, I swear to God, you will regret it."

Sam looked bummed out but kept his big hands to himself.

"You take care of yourself, okay Cas?" Dean said. "I'll see you soon."

"Yeah, Cas, take care," Sam echoed. "We love you!"

"Wow, chick flick moment, much, dude?" Dean rolled his eyes.

"What? It needed to be said!"

John chuckled. "Go on inside, guys." Sam and Dean went inside and John turned to Cas and Michael. "If you guys ever need anything, I want you to call me, okay?" He took a piece of paper and pen from his pocket and wrote his number down. He handed it to Michael. "You two take care, alright?"

"Thanks, John," Michael said emphatically. No one had been this nice to his family ever, that he could remember.

"No problem," John said, turning and heading into his house.

Michael and Cas climbed back into the car.

"So," Michael turned to Cas. "You okay, kiddo?"

"Right now? Yeah," Cas said.

"What happened, Cas?" Michael asked. "You scared the shit out of a lot of people, you know."

"I know," Cas said quietly. "I'm sorry. Really. Is... is dad mad?"

Michael sighed. "I dunno. I haven't seen him."

Michael saw Cas's face turn pale. "Hey, look at me. I'm not going to let anything happen to you, okay? Not anymore. You hear me?"

Cas nodded. Michael braced himself and started the drive back to what was certain to be an interesting evening at the Novak house.

* * *

Michael saw his father's familiar car in the driveway as he pulled in. "Here we go," he thought to himself. He walked up to the door and squeezed Cas's shoulder before walking inside, ready to face the music.

When he opened the door, he was greeted with the deceptively harmless image of his father perched on the couch watching television. He tried to walk past the living room to the hallway, avoiding any kind of confrontation, when he heard his father start to laugh.

He froze. God, that was not a nice sound. His father stood and faced the two of them, staggering, clearly drunk. Even better.

"You little piece of shit," their father slurred, pointing an accusatory finger at Cas.

"Hey, dad," Michael started. "Listen -"

"SHUT UP!" their father yelled, flinging the tv remote at his children.

They ducked and Michael heard a door open. He saw Gabriel and Anna's heads poking out to see what was going on from the hallway. Not good. Their father didn't need any more targets.

"You know, I TRY. I do EVERYTHING for you. And you know how you repay me? Hospital bills? SUICIDE attempts? You little fucker, do you know how much a damn funeral would COST? We don't have that kind of MONEY, you little fucker!"

He accented his point by throwing a beer bottle at Cas. It only just missed him and now Michael was getting pissed.

"Look, 'Dad,'" Michael growled. "You need to get your fucking act together. Your kid almost DIED because of you last night and you're fucking bitching about FUNERAL EXPENSES? God, Dad, what happened to you?"

Okay, that was a mistake. Their father lunged at Michael, shouting obscenities. Michael shoved Cas out of the way and he saw Cas go to Anna and Gabriel. They all looked wide-eyed and scared as fuck and Michael was just done. He was done with this. His family shouldn't have to live like this.

He punched his father in the jaw and his father crumpled at his feet. "Oh, shit," Michael thought. He bent down to check his father's pulse. It was there. He was still breathing.

Michael sighed. "Oh thank God, I only knocked him out." He looked up and saw Cas's wide-eyed face, Gabriel's overwhelmed, confused one, and Anna's tear-stained one. "Guys, pack your things. We're leaving. And hurry!"

Michael went to his room and pulled out a suitcase and started flinging clothes inside. Then he pulled out his phone and a piece of paper from his pocket and shakily dialed John Winchester's number.

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**A/N: Go Michael! ;) I hope you guys enjoyed that chapter - leave me reviews because I love them and they make my heart soar xx**


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: Hello, lovely people! xx Just as a clarification, I had someone ask about this, the Michael I'm picturing in this story is Matt Cohen, not Jake Abel. Firstly because Matt Cohen is fucking beautiful (Not that Jake Abel isn't, because HE IS) and also because (this was going to be a surprise but I will tell you anyway) Adam is going to be coming into the story later. So, yes, whenever you are picturing Michael, picture the lovely face of Matt Cohen ;)**

**So, anyway, without further ado, I present Chapter 13:**

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"I'M WALKIN ON SUNSHINE! WOAH-OAH! I'M WALKIN ON SUNSHINEEE!" Dean Winchester belted out as he sat upstairs in Sam's room distracting his brother from his biology homework. "WOAH-OAHH!"

"Dude," Sam rolled his eyes. "Do you mind?"

"Nope. AND DON'T IT FEEL GOOD!"

"Oh, god.." Sam groaned.

"Come on. Sing it with me, Sammy boy!" Dean grinned. "DON'T IT FEEL GOOD?"

"No, not really..." Sam muttered.

Dean then proceeded to jump on the bed and dance while still singing at the top of his lungs. "I'M WALKIN ON SUNSHINE! WOAH-OAH!"

Sam just stared at him.

Dean groaned. "Dude, I'm not going to stop until you start singing with me."

"Ah, what the hell," Sam muttered. He leapt onto the bed with his brother and belted, "I'M WALKIN ON SUNSHINE! WOAH-OAH!"

"AND DON'T IT FEEL GOOD!" both Winchester brothers sang, dancing to the imaginary music in their heads.

After a few minutes of this, Dean decided he'd had enough, so he plopped down on the bed. "Thanks, dude. Sometimes I just get the urge to sing girly songs, you know?"

"I feel ya, bro," Sam said, plopping down next to him.

Dean sighed. He leaned back so he was lying down on the bed. He did feel good. Really good. Last night seemed like a distant memory and this morning had been the best morning he'd had in a long time. Because CAS. Cas was beautiful and he had kissed Cas - for real this time - and Cas loved him and he loved Cas and just wow. Cas.

When they'd left Cas earlier, it seemed like Cas was really going to be okay. He seemed happier than Dean had ever seen him and his older brother, Michael, seemed like he was really going to be looking out for him.

Obviously, Dean was still worried about Cas. CRAZY worried. Terrified, even, if he stopped to think about it long enough. So he didn't. Worrying wasn't going to help anything. He just had to believe that Cas was going to be okay. He had to be. Dean was going to make sure if that.

"So, Dean," Sam said, hesitantly.

"Yeah?" Dean asked, looking up at his younger brother.

"I never knew you were gay," Sam said curiously.

"Look," Dean said, bolting up and looking intently at his brother. "I'm not 'gay', really. I've never done anything with another guy before. 'Cept Cas. Just.. don't go around saying anything about me and Cas, okay? I'm not ready for that."

Sam frowned. "But, Dean - you really like Cas, don't you?"

"Of course, Sam, don't be stupid."

"So you can't just hide him," Sam said, eyebrows furrowed. "How do you think that's gonna make him feel? You're gonna make him feel like there's something wrong with him. Dean, you can't -"

"Seriously, Sam?" Dean interrupted. "Don't tell me what I can or can't do, okay? You don't know anything about this."

"Dean-" Sam tried to get a sentence out but Dean was walking away.

"Sam! I'm serious. Just stop!" Dean stalked out of the room, leaving his younger brother sitting on his bed, frustrated.

He was in the process of walking toward his own room when he heard a voice from downstairs. "Boys! Get down here!" John Winchester called.

"Coming!" Dean called back. He started down the stairs and heard Sam's loud footsteps behind him.

When he got downstairs he found his father in the kitchen, phone in his hand and a worried look on his face.

"Everything okay, Dad?" Dean asked.

"Yeah, okay, look," John started. "Michael just called. Apparently, when he brought Cas home their dad went completely mental and Michael had to get Cas and his siblings out of there. Michael said he had been saving up money for years and he was going to move them into a place as soon as possible but, until then, the four of them need a place to stay. I offered our house for the job. You guys okay with that?"

"Yeah, of course." Sam said, nodding earnestly.

"Yeah," Dean echoed.

Wow. He really hoped Cas was okay. He hoped his dad hadn't hurt him again because Dean was gonna kill the guy if he had.

"Okay, good," John said, rubbing a hand over the back of his neck. "So you guys and me are going to room together in Dean's room for the next few days and Sam, your room is going to Cas's sister, Anna. Michael, Cas, and their brother, Gabriel will be in my room. That sound okay?"

Both boys nodded obediently. Dean shot a hesitant smile at his brother because he really didn't have the energy to stay mad at him if they were gonna be roommates. To his relief, his brother softly smiled back.

"Come on, roomie," Dean said to his brother. "Let's clean your room up for Anna and get your stuff into my room."

"Thanks, boys," John said. "After that, come help me set up the air mattress in my room. They should be on their way over now, so try to be quick about it."

"Yes sir," both guys said, then turned to hurry back up the stairs. Luckily, Sam's room was already clean and while Sam was gathering some clothes from his dresser to take to Dean's room, all Dean had to do was change the sheets on the bed and they were good to go.

The two boys quickly skimmed Sam's room to make sure it was presentable and when they were satisfied, Dean helped Sam carry his shit to his own room.

Dean's room wasn't as pretty as Sam's, but it wasn't bad. He had some clothes laying around on the floor a bit randomly but as soon as he shoved those under the bed, the room looked fine. Sam unrolled his sleeping bag and placed it on the floor while Dean went to his closet to take out his own sleeping bag. He was going to let his father take the bed because he was nice like that.

They rushed downstairs to help their dad quickly make his room presentable.

When they got there, John shoved a bag into Sam's arms. "Here, this is my shit. Take it up to Dean's room for me, will ya, Sammy?"

Sam nodded and Dean helped his father finish putting the new sheets on John's double size bed. Then they heard the doorbell ring.

"I'll get that," John said. "You go up to the attic and get the air mattress, will ya?"

"Sure," Dean said, hurrying off. He would have rather answered the door so he could hug Cas, but this was okay. He would see Cas in a minute.

When he brought the air mattress back downstairs, he passed through the living room on his way back to his father's room. He found his father and Sam talking to Michael while Cas and the other two Novak siblings watched. Cas smiled sweetly at Dean which made his heart beat a little faster. Gabriel, the other brother, was looking around cautiously. His face was guarded, so Dean couldn't really tell what he was thinking. He seemed quiet, though. Anna looked wide-eyed and terrified. Cas had his arm around her and Gabriel was standing comfortingly close as well, but she still looked broken.

Dean returned Cas's smile and jerked his head toward his father's room to indicate to Cas to follow him. He quickly made eye contact with Sam and did the same thing.

Cas squeezed Anna's shoulders and whispered something to her before joining Sam and following Dean. Dean saw Gabriel take Cas's place embracing the youngest Novak and Dean was glad that they all had each other, at least.

He dragged the deflated mattress into his dad's room and Sam and Castiel followed him inside. Sam shut the door behind them.

"Cas, what happened?" Sam asked as soon as they were alone, wide-eyed.

Cas sighed. "It's all kind of a blur, actually. I mean, I'm barely even sure this is real right now. But when we got home, Michael and I went inside and Dad was just sitting there watching tv. Then we tried to walk by and he started laughing like an insane person. Michael got really tense and when Dad started on one of his rants, Michael stood up to him and started yelling at him. He tried to hit us but then Michael just knocked him out and told us we were leaving."

"Damn," Dean said, exchanging looks with his brother. "Props to Michael. Are you guys okay?"

"Michael is fine. He's a bit shaken and overwhelmed but he's fine. Gabe's confused and mad but he'll get over it. Anna is scared. She's scared Dad will come find us and she's scared we'll all get in trouble and she just can't wrap her head around things right now."

Dean moved closer and put a hand on Cas's cheek. "What about you?" he asked, peering intently into Cas's eyes. "Are you okay?"

Cas put his hand over Dean's and smiled. "I'm fine, Dean."

"Uh, I'm gonna go get the air mattress pump thing from the garage," Sam said. "I'll be right back."

As soon as Sam left, Dean was kissing Castiel. He realized this was the first time they'd been alone since they'd gotten together and all of a sudden he just REALLY wanted Cas.

He shoved his tongue into Cas's mouth right away, earning him a small moan of surprise and pleasure from Cas. Hearing Cas moan like that did crazy things to Dean's brain and his dick. Suddenly he was all over Cas, backing him against the wall and moving his hands under Cas's shirt. Cas responded just as eagerly, digging his fists into Dean's hair and curling his legs around Dean's.

Dean was aware that he was already sweating and gasping even though they hadn't even gotten to the good stuff yet, but he didn't even care. He started sucking and nipping on Cas's neck, making Cas sigh and moan. Cas started grinding against Dean and then Dean was moaning too.

"Oh, god, Cas," Dean breathed, trailing his lips back to Cas's mouth and kissing him deeply and creating more friction between their bodies. Cas started to groan louder and Dean had to clamp his hand over his best friend's mouth.

"Dude!" Dean hissed, eyes flashing, "they're gonna hear us if you're not careful."

Cas looked up at Dean, eyes dark and heavy. "Sorry," he breathed.

His face had suddenly become so serious and earnest and, damnit, he looked sexy as fuck so Dean just started kissing him again. He latched Cas's legs onto him and carried him to the bed, kissing him hungrily. He lowered Cas onto his back and crawled on top of him. Cas pulled Dean down possessively on top of him and thrust his pelvis into Dean's.

"Damn, Cas," Dean moaned quietly.

They were both hard as fuck now, so of course Sam picked that opportune moment to re-enter the room. At the sight of his brother and Castiel on the bed, moaning and writing together, he dropped the air mattress pump.

"Oh, god," Sam squeaked in horror, rushing to exit the room as quickly as he'd entered.

"Shit," Dean quickly hopped off the bed and straightened his clothes, hurrying over to the door Sam had quickly slammed. He opened the door and saw Sam staring wide-eyed into space, like he'd just seen a ghost, his back flat against the opposite wall.

Dean cleared his throat. "Hey, Sammy," he said nonchalantly. "What's up?"

"Uh, just brought the air mattress pump for the, uh, air mattress," Sam muttered to the space just above Dean's head.

"Yeah," Dean said, scratching the back of his head. "Why don't you help me fill it up?"

Sam blinked rapidly. The sight was really quite comical. "Yeah. I'll do that. While I attempt to remove the last thirty seconds entirely from my memory."

Dean grimaced and stepped aside for Sam to enter the room. When he looked back into the room, Cas was standing next to the bed, wide-eyed and fidgety. It looked like he was trying to pose in a casual, natural way, but instead he looked like an awkward manikin with a seizure.

Dean couldn't help it. The sight of Cas looking so uncomfortable right next to Sam looking so uncomfortable made him chuckle. The other two looked much less amused than he, so he tried to turn his chuckle into a cough.

"So, Sam you get that air mattress pumped up, we'll see you in a few," Dean said, bolting out of the room, Cas at his heels.

Dean tried to look as not-suspicious as possible when he and Cas entered the living room. It wasn't helping that Cas was blushing redder than a tomato next to him.

He stood near Gabriel and Anna, who were listening to John and Michael talk. John raised an eyebrow at Dean as he and Cas entered; Dean returned the glance with what he hoped was an innocent smile but what probably turned out more like a grimace. John furrowed his brows in return and Dean heard Gabriel snort. Castiel blushed furiously and Dean narrowed his eyes at Gabriel. Hm. And he'd thought Gabriel seemed like the quiet one.

"So Dean, Sam, and I will all be upstairs in Dean's room for the time being," John was saying. "Anna, you'll be in Sam's room. And Castiel, Gabriel, and Michael, you guys will take my room."

"Thank you so much, John," Michael was saying earnestly. "You have no idea how much of a help this is. Really. This should only be for a few days, tops, and then we'll be out of your hair."

"No need to rush," John replied easily. "It's not a problem."

Sam shuffled in from John's room, studiously avoiding looking at either Dean or Castiel.

"Air mattress is all set up," he muttered.

"Good, okay," John said, flashing a reassuring smile to everyone in the room. "Sam, Dean, why don't you go ahead and show Anna where she'll be staying. Michael, Cas, Gabriel, you can follow me."

Dean watched his father lead the Novak boys down the hall and he turned to Anna with a smile, "Hey, Anna. So in case you didn't know or whatever, I'm Dean and this is Sam and you'll be staying upstairs."

"My brother is in love with you," Anna replied, looking at Dean with wide eyes.

"Um," Dean blushed. "Yeah, that's good 'cause I like him too."

"Yes, but he loves you," Anna said earnestly. "Do you love him?"

"What?" Dean turned even redder. "Yeah. Yeah I do. Okay, so yeah, let's go upstairs now."

Sam smirked. "Come on, Anna, follow me."

Dean watched his brother lead Anna up the stairs and he followed. "That was weird," he thought to himself.

Little did he know that out of the two youngest Novaks, Anna was the normal one.

After getting the Novaks settled in, John and Michael left to scout around for a place for the Novaks to stay permanently. This left Dean, Sam, Cas, Gabriel, and Anna sitting around in the living room awkwardly.

"So," Dean said. "Do you guys wanna play a game or something?"

"What kind of game?" Gabriel asked.

"I dunno," Dean responded. "A fun one?"

"Yes. Let's play a game," Anna said, looking up at Dean with wide eyes.

Anna was weird and she kind of stared a lot, but Dean had to admit - she was REALLY pretty.

"Alright," Sam said. "Uh, we have board games in the closet, so -"

"No," Gabriel interrupted. "Board games are boring."

"Well then what do you suggest we do then?" Dean said, annoyed.

"Do you know the game Never Have I Ever?" Gabriel asked, smirking.

Yeah, Dean knew that game. He knew it because he always lost. The premise of the game was to name something you hadn't done that you thought that the people you were playing against had done. You started out the game holding up all ten fingers and whenever someone named something you'd done, you put down a finger. The last person with fingers remaining won. Since there wasn't much Dean hadn't done, usually he was the first one out.

Everyone nodded, indicating that they knew the game. Dean saw Cas roll his eyes at Gabriel.

"This is such a dumb game, Gabe," Cas said irritatedly.

Gabriel smirked. "You just don't like it because it shows how much of a prude you are."

"Gabe!" Cas blushed.

"Gabe likes to lose," Anna whispered to Dean. "He thinks it makes him look cool that he's done all kinds of shit."

Dean rolled his eyes. At least he might not be the first person to lose this time.

They all put ten fingers up and decided that Anna would go first since she was the youngest.

"Never have I ever... gotten detention," Anna said.

Dean, Sam, and Gabe all grumbled as they put down a finger.

"Never have I ever kissed a dude," Gabe said, smirking at Dean. Sam laughed.

"Damnit," Dean muttered as he dropped another finger along with Anna and a blushing Cas.

"Never have I ever.. watched porn," Cas smirked.

Everyone in the circle sheepishly looked around at each other as everyone besides Cas lost a finger to that one.

"Anna!" Gabe exclaimed, shocked.

"What?" Anna said, wide-eyed. "I was curious!"

Dean cleared his throat. "My turn. Never have I ever eaten broccoli."

Sam rolled his eyes and Cas looked at him in exasperation as everyone besides Dean was forced to put down a finger. Dean grinned.

"Never have I ever had sex," Sam blurted, smirking at Dean. Sam always did this. He purposefully tried to get Dean out first because he knew it annoyed him.

Dean, Gabe, and Anna were all forced to lose a finger to that question. Dean raised his eyebrows at Anna but let it go. It was Anna's turn again.

"Never have I ever smoked weed."

Surprisingly, this took out a finger from Cas. Dean smirked as he and Gabe put down fingers as well. So far he and Gabriel were tied for last place, each with only five fingers left.

The game progressed until Dean got eliminated when Gabriel snarkily stated, "Never have I ever been in a homosexual relationship." (Dean was really starting to not like the guy. To think he'd originally thought Gabriel was the quiet one. Please.) Surprisingly, Sam ended up winning, although Dean's money had been on Cas or Anna.

As a reward for winning, Gabe offered Sam his undying devotion and love, which Sam accepted. The two of them seemed to bond over simultaneously making fun of and fangirling over Dean and Cas's relationship.

Dean could tell that the next few days were going to be interesting, to say the least.

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**A/N: Thanks everyone who's been reading and reviewing - I love you all and your reviews make me so happy! Xx**


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: Hello, my lovely readers! Xx Sorry this chapter took a bit longer to update than usual. I made the mistake of reading Twist and Shout for the first time (which I'm sure you all have probably already read considering it's basically the most famous Supernatural fic ever) and it fucking destroyed me. I'm serious - I was sobbing. Full on crying for the entire last few chapters. Then I was forced to read happy, fluffy Destiel fics to drown my sorrows but I still have the urge to cry whenever I think about it. Don't get me wrong, it was one of the most beautiful things I've ever had the pleasure of residing, but I think it broke me. **

**Anyway, enough of that. Imma bout to start crying again. So yeah, here's chapter 14!**

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Having Cas and his siblings stay at Hotel Winchester was both the best and worst thing that Dean could have imagined.

On the one hand, he and Cas could sneak out to meet each other at night and steal some private kisses and sweet touches. He also got to see Cas happier and less worried than he'd ever seen him because he was finally away from his father's cruel clutches.

On the other hand, he was stuck sharing his room with a Sasquatch and a big snoring lug that stole his bed. There was also the annoying son of a bitch named Gabe, who insisted on making snide comments about Dean constantly AND eating all of his pie.

So by the time Monday morning rolled around and they were headed off to school (all five of them squeezed into the Impala), Dean was ready for the Novaks to have found a new place already.

"Are we there yet?" Gabriel chanted, bouncing up and down in the back seat as Dean pulled out of the driveway to start the ride to school.

"Gabriel," Cas chided. "Don't be irksome. We just left the house."

"You're right, I'm sorry," Gabriel said, seriousness leaking into his features.

Dean thanked his lucky starts for the fifteen seconds of silence that permeated throughout the car.

"How about now? Are we there yet?" Gabe inquired, poking Dean's arm.

Sam and Anna giggled while Castiel sighed in exasperation.

"Keep your damn hands to yourself," Dean growled, only making Gabriel grin wider.

"What?" Gabe smirked. "My older brother here can't get enough of you, so I figured I'd try to see what all the -"

"Gabe!" Gabe recoiled as Sam, Castiel, and Dean all shouted at him in synchronization.

"Wow, tough car," Gabriel muttered to himself, leaning back. Castiel shared an apologetic glance with Dean in the rear view mirror.

Dean relaxed and almost forgot to worry about the fact that this was the first time they were going to school since him and Cas were... well, him and Cas.

They had talked last night about this - going to school and what to do and such. Castiel had suddenly remembered that he was still officially dating Balthazar and he had panicked, admitting shakily to Dean that he had no idea how to break up with somebody. Dean had told him to just be honest, which was honestly kind of crap advice because Dean was rarely honest with the girls he unceremoniously dumped time after time.

Dean had also mentioned that it might not be the best idea for them to be "conspicuous" about their relationship. When asked why, Dean merely said it might make Cas look bad for jumping into another relationship so soon after Balthazar. Cas had nodded earnestly in agreement and that had been that.

But it was so much more than that. Dean was TERRIFIED of what people would think if they knew that him and Cas were more than friends. He had lived in this town his whole life and he had the strict reputation of being "Womanizer Winchester."

It's not as if kids were cruel about the whole gay thing, not really, but they just treated you different. Dean would lose his macho image and, even though it seemed like a silly thing to hold onto, Dean was clinging to that image for dear life.

When they pulled into the school and Dean settled his baby into its usual parking space, they all ignored the curious glances they got as they tumbled out of the crowded car. Castiel calmly held his door open for Anna to clamor out and Gabe flashed his usual wide grin at any gawky onlookers.

Dean saw Sam smiling shyly at a cute blonde girl standing off closer to the building and he grinned.

"Hey, Sammy," Dean chuckled. "Is that your girlllllllfriend?"

Sam blushed scarlet. "No! Her name's Jess; we're friends!"

"Yeah, sure," Dean chortled as Sam walked off huffily. "Get some, Sammy!" he called to Sam's retreating back.

Gabriel smirked before putting his arm around Anna and walking to the building with her. Dean glanced sideways at Castiel, only to find Cas already peering intently at him.

"So," Dean cleared his throat. "Shall we?" He gestured toward the building. Cas nodded and the two of them surged forward into the throng of teenagers ready to begin another week of torture.

They walked in awkward, yet content, silence to their lockers. Dean paused to wait for Cas as he meticulously lined up his books and pulled out the ones he needed for his morning classes, sliding the others so they were perched neatly. Dean smiled at Cas's robotic mannerisms when Cas's face was suddenly ambushed by a flamboyant Balthazar.

Dean felt a growl trying to crawl it's way through his chest and out his throat when Balthazar bounced in and kissed Cas.

"Cassy!" Balthazar trilled. "I've missed you! You didn't respond to my utterly adorable text messages this weekend!"

"Yeah, Balthazar, about that -" Cas started, glancing nervously at Dean.

"Although I suppose you were probably too busy with your BFF this weekend to pay attention to your boyfriend, as per usual, am I right?" Balthazar's tone was light but there was something harsh in his eyes that made Dean nervous.

"Listen, Balthazar," Cas said softly.

"What, Cassy?" Balthazar replied, glancing at Dean irritatedly.

"I'mbreakingupwithyou," Cas muttered quickly.

"What?" Balthazar raised his eyebrows in surprise.

"I'm sorry," Cas said, eyes avoiding Balthazar's gaze.

"It's okay, I shouldn't be shocked," Balthazar shrugged sarcastically. "I mean the whole world knows you're in love with your best friend."

Dean felt a surge of anger flow over his entire being and he sprung out a fist and shoved Balthazar into the lockers. "Listen here, Baltha-whatever-"

"Oh?" Balthazar chuckled. "So he already knows you're in love with him, Cassy?"

Dean felt himself blush and he looked over to see Cas blushing too.

"Oh my, does Dean-y here RETURN your deep admiration, Cassy?" Balthazar gushed mockingly.

"If you know what's good for you, you'll fucking stop talking right now, you little dick," Dean muttered angrily, pushing Balthazar against the lockers forcefully with his fists.

"Hm," Balthazar made a quiet "tsk" noise. "Wouldn't want the whole school knowing about this, would we Winchester?"

Dean's face paled. "You wouldn't."

Balthazar chuckled. "Why shouldn't I?"

Dean leaned in close and forced as much venom into his tone as he could muster. "Shouldn't you know what this is like, Balthazar? Don't you understand that this is HARD for some people to deal with? I'm begging you not to say anything." He released his grip on Balthazar and backed up a little. "Please."

Balthazar rolled his eyes. "Maybe I will. Maybe I won't. But I think Cassy deserves to be with someone who's not ashamed of him. Anyway, see you later, Dean. Cassy." Balthazar nodded and strutted away.

Dean glared at him. When Balthazar was finally out of sight, he turned to Castiel, who looked like a wounded puppy. "Cas, what-"

"It's fine, Dean," Cas muttered. "I'm fine."

Castiel then turned and walked away.

"Awesome," Dean muttered to himself. Well today was turning out to be just fucking peachy.

Things were awkward between Dean and Cas today, to say the least. They barely talked to each other in class, although they kept glancing at each other when the other wasn't looking.

When lunch finally rolled around, Dean wasn't even happy when he saw Cas from across the room and started trudging toward their table. He stopped short when he noticed that Cas had subconsciously rolled his trench coat sleeves up, showcasing a whole conglomeration of bright red cuts from the weekend. Dean tried to send a telepathic message at him to roll his sleeves down but, alas, it was too late.

Resident bitch, Lilith Boecher, and her two henchwomen, Meg Masters and Ruby Cortese, were whispering conspiratorially and pointing at Cas.

Lilith sidled up to Castiel. "So, baby, I heard you broke up with your boyfriend. You took it pretty badly, huh?" She gestured to the scars with a smirk.

Dean saw Cas's face turn white and he couldn't even make himself do anything to stand up for him. He was reduced to a useless pair of eyes, watching the scene unfold before him helplessly.

"Sorry, I suppose that was kind of rude of me," Lilith said, feigning kindness. "I suppose your feelings are hurt now. I guess that's your cue to go cut yourself again now, right?"

Cas just stared at her helplessly and the sight was breaking Dean's heart but he couldn't make his feet or mouth work. Lilith tossed a laugh back toward her minions, who returned the laugh half-heartedly.

"Lilith, I think that's enough," Meg said, eyes darting to Castiel's helpless face.

"Yeah," Ruby said. "No need to take this too far."

"What do you mean?" Lilith said with a laugh. She turned back to Cas. "This little gay piece of emo shit isn't even worth the air he's breathing." She smirked and then picked the plastic knife off of Cas's tray and feigned cutting herself with it. She dramatically whimpered then laughed.

Dean was so angry he could barely breathe and he knew his face was turning beat red. He made a strangled noise and Lilith, Cas, Ruby, and Meg all saw him at the same time. He barely had time to register the sinister glee on Lilith's face, the pain and hurt on Cas's, and the discomfort and vague guilt on Ruby's and Meg's when a giant Sasquatch appeared on the scene, thundering with rage.

"WHAT THE FUCKING HELL ARE YOU PLAYING AT, BITCH?" Sam roared, wrenching the plastic knife from Lilith's hands and throwing it on the ground.

Lilith skittered away and stood poised next to Meg and Ruby, who both looked really guilty at this point.

"What, is he your boyfriend now or something?" Lilith challenged with a chuckle.

"No, actually, he happens to be my brother's boyfriend," Sam corrected. "And he also happens to be one of the best fucking people I've ever met in my life and you have NO right to treat him the way you're treating him. NO RIGHT, do you hear me?"

He was right up in Lilith's face at this point, and only now was she beginning to falter. Then she perked up as something registered. "DEAN WINCHESTER'S boyfriend?" she squealed with delighted shock.

Dean thought he could feel every face in the cafeteria turn in his direction.

Sam's face paled. "What? I mean, no- they're not - they're.. just... friends?" he finished lamely.

Lilith cackled and Dean wanted to sink through the floor. But Sam luckily turned the attention away from him again.

"You know what, though? It doesn't even fucking matter because right now, I, along with everyone else in the room, am 100% focused on what a bitch you are. You have no fucking right to treat anyone the way you were treating Cas just now and if you were a dude, I would have beat you up so hard by now, but I'm a gentleman so I don't hit girls no matter how much they deserve it." Sam said, glaring at Lilith.

Dean heard someone cheer for Sam, then Principal Henriksen burst onto the scene. "You, you, you, you, you, and you," he said, pointing angrily at Dean, Cas, Lilith, Sam, Ruby, and Meg. "Follow me. Now."

Before any of them could protest, they were all fixed with a pointed glare so they obediently followed Principal Henriksen to his office. No one spoke until they were inside the office, all six of them in an awkward, yet formal, line, staring at the floor intently.

"Will someone kindly tell me what in God's name was going on in there?"

It was silent for a moment before Ruby quietly started, "Lilith was making fun of Cas.."

Lilith glared at her and Ruby faded out.

"Look, being silent about this isn't going to spare any of you punishment, so you might as well spit it out."

When no one made any indication to say anything, Principal Henriksen sighed. "Okay, looks like we're doing this the hard way. You're all going to have a nice little chat with me, one at a time. Miss Boecher, we'll start with you. Everyone else, kindly wait in the hall."

They all filed out stiffly and when they got into the hall, Dean felt himself relax a bit. Just a bit, though.

Sam tried to pat his shoulder, but Dean slunk away. Sam had just outed him in front of the entire school, excuse him if he was a tad pissed off.

"That was really brave, Sam," Ruby gushed, looking at Sam flirtatiously.

"Um," Sam cleared his throat. "Thank you?"

"No problem," Ruby purred, patting Sam's arm. More like stroking it, actually.

Dean rolled his eyes and saw Meg about to similarly pounce on Cas.

"Sweetie," Meg said, pushing Cas's face toward hers and peering intently into his eyes. "I understand. It's okay that you're damaged. I know how you feel." She stroked his cheek. "I like damaged," she whispered.

Dean groaned and sunk to the floor. This was so fucking NOT his day.

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**A/N: thanks for reading ^.^ As always, reviews make my heart swarm with joy so please don't hesitate to say something :)**


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: Thank you so so so SO much for all of you who are reading and reviewing. Seriously, I love you so much! Sorry this update is kinda short, but it was a quick update so, yay? :) enjoy! Xx**

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"Mr. Winchester," Principal Henriksen said, "If you'd come in here now please."

Dean was last. He figured Mr. Henriksen had heard the whole story already from Lilith, Ruby, Meg, Cas, and Sam, so he felt utterly ashamed as Mr. Henriksen scrutinized him as he entered the principal's office.

Principal Henriksen probably knew he was gay by now. Or bi or whatever. He was probably thinking about it as Dean took a seat across from him on the other side of his desk. Dean tried to hold back tears because he felt so ashamed and so very vulnerable.

"So, Dean." Dean looked up. Principal Henriksen was smiling at him kindly. "If you wouldn't mind telling me your version of the events."

Dean cleared his throat and blinked fiercely to hold back the tears that were begging to leap down his face.

"Right, um, well... I was heading toward the table that Cas - er, Castiel - and I always sit at, cause we're friends... and Lilith started making fun of him, cause, well, his arms..." Anger flooded through Dean at the memory of Lilith's disgusting behavior. "It was awful, actually," Dean said, outrage permeating through his voice. "The things she was saying were completely uncalled for and it was... revolting."

The principal was nodding. "Go on, Dean."

Dean nodded. "Well, she kept getting worse and Meg and Ruby just kind of stood there... and I, well, I just kind of stood there too... but I wanted to say something, it's just... I couldn't.."

"It's okay, go on."

"Well then, Sammy came charging in and put Lilith in her place." Dean smiled fondly at the memory of his little brother's badassery. His smile quickly faded as he gulped nervously at the next part of the story. "Cept, then Sammy said... well he said something and Lilith brought me into it and I think you came in somewhere around there." Dean absolutely refused to make eye contact with his principal at this point.

"Dean," Principal Henriksen said slowly, "the other students told me what happened, what she said. You need to know it's nothing to be ashamed of if you're-"

"If I'm what?" Dean shouted, standing up. "If I'm gay? Cause I'm not gay, okay? I'm not!"

Dean blinked but tears forced themselves out of his eyes anyway. God, why was he doing this to himself? He had already admitted to himself that, duh, he had feelings for Cas and he had thought he was okay with it but now, being faced with his peers and everything, he couldn't take it. He felt like the biggest dick in the world for being ashamed of Cas like this, but he couldn't help it.

"Okay, Dean," Principal Henriksen said softly. "Follow me back into the hall with the others, okay?"

Dean nodded and filed into the hallway behind the principal. He stared at the floor as he went to stand next to his brother wordlessly.

He noted with satisfaction that Lilith was standing rather ostracized from the others. He noted with considerably less satisfaction that Meg was still draped over Cas and Ruby was still eying Sam like he was some sort of piece of rare and delicious beef.

"Okay, guys, listen up," Principal Henriksen said, clapping his hands. "I would very much appreciate it if something like this did NOT happen again in my cafeteria, are we clear?"

The students all nodded seriously.

"Now, Lilith, you'll get two weeks detention for bullying and, Sam, you'll get a week for profanity in the cafeteria."

Lilith rolled her eyes and Sam hung his head in shame.

"It's okay," Ruby muttered, rubbing Sam's back. "I think profanity in the cafeteria is hot."

Lilith glared at her and Meg before stalking off. Ruby just shrugged and pinched Sam's cheek before wandering off with Meg. Sam clapped Dean on the shoulder and nodded politely at the principal before taking his own leave.

"Get to class boys, okay?" Principal Henriksen said to Dean and Castiel, before heading into his office and closing the door.

Dean glanced sideways at Cas and saw tears forming in the other boy's eyes. He rushed over to Cas and put his arms around him. "Cas I'm so sorry. I'm a moron, I wanted to help but I couldn't and I'm so sorry. I'm such an ass."

Cas just buried his face in Dean's neck. "It's okay, Dean. It's not your fault."

"No, Cas," Dean said, forcing Cas to look him in the eye. "It is my fault. I'm an asshole and I'm sorry. Lilith's a bitch and I'm sorry I didn't stand up for you like I should've. I'm.. I'm such an awful friend, Cas. I'm so sorry."

Castiel trailed his thumb over Dean's cheek. "Can we not talk about this right now, Dean? Let's just go to the bathroom. Like we used to. Remember?"

Dean nodded. He kissed Castiel on the forehead and squeezed his hand before leading him through the empty hallways to their bathroom.

When they got inside, Dean noted that both of them were close to tears, and wow, how embarrassingly unmanly. This seemed to be happening a lot lately.

Dean shrugged it off and leaned in to kiss Cas instead. Dean backed Cas against the wall and ran his fingers along Cas's cheek, kissing him slowly. He slowly trailed his tongue against Cas's upper lip, eliciting a whimper from the other boy.

He felt Cas's hands tracing the muscles on his back and he gasped and pulled Cas closer.

In a show of dominance, Cas pushed against him and pinned Dean against the wall. Dean grinned and Cas leaned in and ran his fingers through Dean's hair and traced all the facets of Dean's face. His lips were agonizingly close, but he wasn't kissing Dean. He was making Dean hard as fuck by being so close but not close enough.

"Jesus, Cas, just kiss me," Dean gasped.

Castiel leaned in and kissed Dean hard. He pressed onto Dean with his whole body. Dean moaned and thrust up into Cas, making Cas whine. Cas started to bite and kiss his way down Dean's neck and collarbones.

"Jesus," Dean muttered.

"Dean, I prefer 'Castiel'," Cas said.

It took Dean a while before he got the joke. He rolled his eyes and muttered, "Just don't stop, Cas."

Cas smirked and continued his trail of kisses until he was on his knees, his nose grazing over Dean's very hard cock.

"Cas," Dean whispered.

"Dean," Cas looked up at him, eyes dark with lust. Dean couldn't remember ever being more turned on in his life.

Then Cas started unzipping Dean's pants, never breaking eye contact with Dean. He pulled Dean's dick out and started trailing his fingers along it, mesmerized. Dean couldn't help it. He started thrusting into Cas's hand and groaning. Castiel looked up at him with his head cocked. Dean started quivering. Then Cas slowly put the head of Dean's cock into his mouth, looking questioningly up at Dean.

Dean gasped and felt tremors racing through his entire body. "God, Cas, yes. Just yes."

Cas smiled around Dean's dick and pulled it further into his throat. Dean felt the head of his cock touch the back of Cas's throat and he couldn't repress a moan. Cas started moving his tongue up and down the length of Dean's dick and Dean gasped in contentment. He grabbed fistfuls of Cas's hair and bucked his hips forward. Cas made a small gagging sound.

"Sorry," Dean muttered.

Cas replied by taking Dean further into his mouth and grabbing onto Dean's hips, rocking him back and forth.

Dean moaned. "Jesus, Cas."

Dean was gasping and writhing when the door to the bathroom banged open. Raphael, Zachariah, and Uriel definitely got a clear view of Cas on his knees in front of Dean before Dean could forcibly shove him away and get himself back into his jeans.

"Oh my god!" Zachariah gasped. "Winchester, were you letting Novak BLOW you?"

"No!" Dean stuttered. "He just - he - he was coming onto me, man!"

Dean tried to block out the look of utter hurt and betrayal that Cas shot up at him.

"Yeah, sure, he was 'coming onto you'," Raphael said sarcastically.

"You didn't seem to be saying no, Winchester," Uriel pointed out.

"Well I was!" Dean shot back angrily.

"Yeah right, homo," Zachariah muttered, smirking.

"I'm not a 'homo', alright?" Dean shouted, shoving Zachariah into a stall door. "I'm not! Do you understand me?"

"Yeah, because straight guys are so often found in the bathroom with a gay guy on his knees in front of them," Uriel said sarcastically.

Dean just shot a death glare to everyone in the bathroom and stalked out. He went to his locker and grabbed his shit before just walking out of the school to his car and driving away.

When he got home to an empty house he went to the mirror, punched it, and felt the glass shatter beneath his forceful touch. He finally let himself break down and sob.

He couldn't get Cas's utterly broken and betrayed face out of his head. And it was all his fault. Dean was such an ass.

He screamed and punched the door, leaving a bigass, gaping hole where his fist had been. Well, between that and the mirror, his dad was going to be pretty pissed. Dean couldn't even bring himself to care.

He just sunk onto the floor, surrounded by broken glass and cried. He broke down and cried in precisely the same spot that Cas had broken down and cried mere days earlier. He cried and cried and cried. He bit his fist to keep from screaming and he cried.

* * *

**A/N: Sorry for another torturously angsty chapter. :P it had to be done, though. Don't forget to review so I will feel all warm and fuzzy and loved! :)**


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: Hey guys! Sorry this took so long to update! An unexpected social life decided to be born and it was quite enjoyable, but now I'm back to being able to spend all my time writing for you guys ;) **

**So, without further ado, chapter 16! **

* * *

"He just - he - he was coming onto me man!"

Dean's words rang in Castiel's ears like a thousand gongs all yelling at him at once.

"I'm not a homo, alright!"

Castiel felt like Dean was ripping his heart out of his chest through his throat and flushing it down the toilet.

Dean stormed out of the bathroom and Castiel just stared, still on the ground, at the door and the ghost of Dean's presence.

What had just happened? A minute ago, Dean had been so happy to be with Castiel and now... what? Castiel was so hurt and confused.

He knew tears were streaming down his face and Raphael, Zachariah, and Uriel were all staring at him.

"Don't worry, homo," Zachariah was saying. "We know he was lying. We'll make sure the whole school knows, too. Don't worry."

Raphael and Uriel nodded behind him and the three walked out of the bathroom, Castiel staring wordlessly.

Castiel couldn't believe he'd been so stupidly happy these last few days. He didn't even have a razor to cut himself with. He had naively thought he wouldn't need it anymore. He should've known that good things never happen to him.

He couldn't force himself to buck up and go to class for the rest of the day and he didn't want someone to walk into the bathroom and find him broken on the floor. He didn't know what to do.

His eyes fell onto a locked supply closet in the corner of the bathroom. He pulled a paperclip out of his binder and picked the lock, something Gabriel had taught him. He squeezed inside and crumpled to the floor. He wrapped his arms around himself in the dark and just curled up there silently. Maybe it was good that he wasn't cutting right now, but it didn't feel good. He didn't feel good. He wanted to die. But he honestly just didn't have the energy.

* * *

A few hours later he felt his phone vibrating. It was a text from Gabe.

"Cas? Sam and I can't find you or your idiot boyfriend. Or his idiot car for that matter. If you two lovebirds ditched us, I'm gonna kick your asses."

Castiel didn't respond.

A minute later, his brother texted again.

"Casssssssss where are youuuuuuuu? I don't like being stranded at school. It's humiliating."

Castiel didn't respond.

Then Sam texted him.

"Hey, Cas, Dean's not answering his phone. Where are you guys?"

Castiel didn't respond.

A couple minutes later, Gabriel called him.

Castiel didn't answer.

He called again.

Castiel didn't answer.

Then Sam called.

Castiel felt kind of bad this time, but he still didn't answer.

Then came another text from Gabe.

"Ok Sammy and I are getting worried. You guys okay, bro?"

Sam texted again too.

"Cas, neither you or Dean are picking up or answering. And you guys wouldn't just ditch us. What's going on?"

He got another text from Gabe.

"Great, now Anna's worried too. Pick up your goddamn phone please, we're worried."

This time, Anna called him.

Castiel answered.

"Hello?" he breathed.

"Cas!" Anna gasped. Castiel heard mumbling in the background. "What's going on? Where are you?"

"I'm in the bathroom."

"Where's Dean?"

"Not in the bathroom."

Castiel heard shuffling on the other end and the Gabriel was talking.

"What happened?" Gabriel demanded.

"I don't want to talk about it, Gabe," Castiel sighed.

"What did that asshole do to you?" Gabriel asked angrily.

Castiel didn't know how to respond so he didn't.

Now Sam was talking. "Cas, what did my idiot brother do?"

Castiel sniffed.

"Okay, Cas, what bathroom are you in?" Gabriel asked, his voice softer.

"The one in the art hallway," Castiel whispered.

"We'll be right there," Gabe said, then he hung up.

Castiel sighed and threw his phone on the floor.

Then he waited.

A few minutes later, he heard scuffling in the bathroom on the other side of his supply closet door.

"Anna, why are you in here?"

"Well I didn't want to wait outside like a moron. He's my brother too!"

"This is a GUY'S bathroom, doofus."

"Do I look like I care?"

"Cas? He's not here, guys..."

"Check the closet."

"Gabe, I don't think he's in the -" Sam stopped short as he opened the closet to find Castiel's face blinking up at him. "Found him."

Gabriel and Anna rushed over. Anna plopped down on the floor next to Castiel, Gabriel following suit. It didn't take long for Sam to join the party as well.

The four sat in silence for a minute before Gabriel said, "So, do I have to murder him, or what?"

Sam shot Gabriel a look.

"Okay, there will be no murdering," Sam assured. "But seriously, Cas, what happened? What did Dean do?"

Anna reached over and took Cas's hand in hers, stroking her thumb along the back of his hand. He smiled at her, then took a deep breath. "After the whole principal office thing, we decided to skip class and come here."

Gabe and Anna looked confused. "What principal office thing?" Gabe asked.

Sam winced. "Long story. Cliffnotes: Lilith and her bitch gang were being, well, bitchy, and I came over to try to help and some things were said and we all ended up in the principal's office where Lilith got two week's detention for bullying and I got a week for profanity in the cafeteria."

"Profanity in the cafeteria? Really?" Gabe smirked.

"Shut up. Ruby said it was hot."

Anna rolled her eyes. "So," she turned to Castiel. "You were skipping in the bathroom..."

"Yeah," Castiel continued. "Then we started kissing... and stuff... then Raphael, Zachariah, and Uriel walked in."

"Uh oh," Sam said, sensing where this was going.

Castiel felt tears springing into his eyes. "Dean shoved me and started yelling about how he wasn't gay and I was coming onto him and then... then he just left."

Anna's face crumpled and she leaned in to hug Castiel. Sam looked deeply troubled and Gabriel looked downright murderous.

"When I get my hands around that slimy bastard's neck, I SWEAR -"

"Gabe!" Anna chastised. "Not helping."

Sam sighed. "I'm really sorry, Cas. Dean doesn't know how to deal with things. I know he cares about you, he just really fucking sucks at acting like it. I'm so sorry, Cas." Sam looked incredibly guilty.

"Dean's just a big fat dick," Gabriel summarized. Sam shrugged and nodded.

Anna squeezed Castiel's hands and stood up. "Come on, guys. We'd better get walking back to the Winchesters'. Since that's where we all live. Maybe that's where Dean is, too."

Castiel nodded. "Yeah, you're right." He stood up too, quickly followed by Gabriel and Sam.

Anna and Gabriel headed out of the bathroom. Castiel started to follow them, but Sam grabbed his arm.

"Cas," Sam muttered. "You didn't cut or anything, did you?"

Sam was looking at him with such earnest concern that Castiel actually felt proud when he was able to roll up his sleeves and assure Sam that he hadn't hurt himself. Sam's eyes shined with pride as he put his arm around Castiel's shoulder and led him out of the bathroom.

After the walk to the Winchester house, Castiel was feeling a little bit better. His siblings and Sam were doing a good job trying to take his mind off of things.

When the house came into view, they noted the Impala in the driveway, but no one said anything about it.

Michael and John weren't expected to be home until this evening, as they were out house-hunting. If all went well, the Novaks should be able to move out tomorrow after school.

When they walked through the front door, Castiel and Gabriel started to walk toward their temporary room, Anna trailing behind Sam up the stairs to her current living area.

"Dean?" Sam called. He didn't get a response.

Gabriel shrugged and he led Castiel to drop their stuff off in John's room. When they went back out toward the kitchen in search of some food, they heard Sam clamoring down the stairs.

Sam rushed into the kitchen with a pained expression on his face. He was holding a piece of paper.

Castiel and Gabriel looked curiously at the paper and Sam.

"Everything okay, there, Sasquatch?" Gabriel asked.

Sam just wordlessly handed the paper to Castiel. Castiel's breath caught as he started reading.

_Cas,_

_I'm so sorry. I don't even know what to say, man. I fucked this shit up so bad. And I'm so fucking sorry. I'm such a dick. The biggest dick in the history of dicks, really. I'm a really fucking big dick. I am so sorry._

_Just, Cas, I don't think this is working. Us. I really like you. I mean, I REALLY like you. You're the best friend I've ever had and I care about you so much, but... I can't handle this. Everything. You. Me. Us. Everything that's going on in our lives... _

_I'm so sorry. You must think I'm such a dick. And I am. I really am. But it's just not working for me and I'm sorry. I can't be with you. And I think right now we can't really be friends either. I'm so sorry. _

_I'm going to hang low for a bit until you Novaks get settled into your new place. And I truly hope things keep going okay with you. Let Michael take care of you and try not to get too annoyed with Gabe, because even though he's a dick, I know he means well. And take care of Anna. Just, you Novaks all take care of each other, alright? _

_Again, I'm really sorry. I'm so sorry I did this to you. It's all my fault. And I'm just really fucking sorry. _

_Please get better._

_Dean _

Castiel finished reading and he crumpled up the note, threw it to the ground, and walked out the back door.

He could hear voices behind him but he didn't care. He just wanted to walk away.

He realized he didn't really have anywhere to go, so he just kind of sat down in the middle of the Winchesters' backyard and stared at the sky, wishing desperately that he could fly away.

* * *

**A/N: Again, thanks so much for reading, guys! Your positive reactions make me so happy xx As always, reviews make me ecstatic and they encourage me to write faster, so don't hesitate to say what you think :)**


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: You guys' reviews are like my favorite things ever. Seriously. Don't ever change. It makes me so happy to be writing. :')**

**That's all in the author's note department. Here's chapter 17 :)**

* * *

Dean was trying to be okay. He really was. After all, it was him who had broken up with Cas, not the other way around. He just REALLY missed the guy. A lot. Everything about him. He missed sitting with him listening to music, he missed cruising around with him in the Impala, he missed doing physics homework together, he missed looking at each other's drawings, he missed making fun of Sammy together, he missed kissing him...

Wow he missed kissing him. But it was ironic because if they had never kissed, none of this would be happening right now.

Fuck you, irony.

It had been two weeks since he had broken up with Cas and the Novaks had moved into their own house. Luckily, Dean got reports from Sam who got reports from Gabriel about how Cas was doing. Dean wasn't quite sure he completely trusted Gabe's reports, though. Dean knew that Gabriel loved his brother, but he was sure Gabe wasn't very thorough in looking after Cas.

Dean sighed as he sat in English class, in his new seat far away from Cas. He tried not to stare as Cas walked in, but he couldn't really help it.

Every day that he saw Cas, he tried to get a good look at his face, at his eyes, at his arms, to make sure he looked alright. Unfortunately, Cas was good at hiding things.

Today, Cas looked carefully calm and serene as always, with trench coat on and arms hidden. His eyes were downcast, so as to avoid direct eye contact with anybody. Or maybe just to avoid Dean. Probably the latter.

Dean spent all of English class staring at the back of Castiel's head and cursing society for making him feel bad about liking other guys. He knew it wasn't entirely society's fault; he knew that mostly he was just a dick (Gabriel's string of strongly worded texts and emails to him had made that quite clear), but he cursed society anyway.

After another day of torture was signaled to be over by the sound of the final bell, Dean trudged to his locker. He was quite distracted, however, and found himself slamming straight into a short, red-haired figure, effectively causing both of their belongings to crash to the floor.

"Shit, I'm sorry," Dean muttered, rushing to gather up his and his victim's books.

"It's alright, Dean." Dean looked up into a familiar set of wide, earnest eyes.

"Oh, hey, Anna!" Dean said, recognizing her. "How are you doing?" he asked, rather guiltily.

"I'm quite alright," Anna mused, watching Dean scoop their belongings up from the floor. "Michael is doing a wonderful job looking after us. Things are much better than they were formerly. I haven't had my hair ripped out of my scalp in weeks."

Dean looked up, unsure how to respond to that information. He got no clue from Anna, who was just staring at him with wide eyes and a vacant smile. He coughed and smiled.

"That's great, Anna." Dean begin to walk toward his locker.

Anna followed. "Yes it is great," she nodded. "Gabriel is really unhappy with you, you know."

Dean rolled his eyes. "Yeah, I gathered. He threatened to rip my balls off in twenty-three different ways. Then he said he was going to make me eat them." Dean shuddered.

Anna nodded. "I believe he's serious."

Dean gulped. "I believe it."

Anna smiled. "I'm not upset with you, though. I understand why you did what you did."

"Do you?" Dean looked up gratefully, if cautiously. If he could have just one Novak on good terms with him, that'd be awesome.

"Yes, I do," Anna said sincerely.

"Thanks, Anna," Dean said, relief flowing through him. Maybe Cas would forgive him eventually too. Maybe. And maybe one day he could live without the fear of his balls being ripped off by a vengeful Gabe. That was the dream.

"Dean," Anna started, looking up at him earnestly.

"Yeah?"

"Dean..." Anna blushed and looked at the ground. "I like you, you know."

"Yeah, I like you too, Anna."

"No, I mean, I LIKE you," Anna explained, cheeks pink.

"Oh," Dean said, blushing. "Um.. well, thanks.. I mean, you're really pretty.."

Dean was fully aware of how lame he sounded. But, seriously, what do you say to your ex-gay-boyfriend's little sister after you broke her brother's heart and her other brother wants to rip your balls out and you still love the first brother but you're trying not to be gay?

"Thank you," Anna said, smiling. "Would you like to go out sometime?"

Dean was confused. She was aware that this wasn't normal, right? Then again, she WAS pretty. And Dean WAS trying to get over the gay thing. He wouldn't mind doing that with her.

"Sure," Dean said, grinning. "Just don't tell Gabe! Or Cas."

Anna smiled kind of sadly. "I wouldn't."

"Good," Dean said.

He proceeded to give her his number and promised to call her later. She wandered off and Dean was left wondering if he'd just made the biggest mistake in the history of ever.

* * *

Later, after Dean had been home for a while, he decided to venture downstairs for a snack. Before he could get into the kitchen, he was accosted by Sam in the doorway.

"Dean!" Sam said, breathless.

"Hey, Sammy," Dean said suspiciously. "May I help you?"

"Uh.." Sam stammered. "I have company over..."

"Ooh," Dean winked knowingly. "Is it a girlllll? Is she prettyyyy? Don't worry, I'll be outta your hair in a sec, just want to grab a snack."

Dean moved to shuffle past his little brother, but was again blocked.

"Not exactly," Sam muttered.

"Dean?" a familiar voice called from the kitchen.

Dean glared at his little brother in a mixture of horror and anger. "Sam, you didn't."

Sam only guiltily moved out of the way. Dean walked into the kitchen and was greeted with the sight of none other than Gabriel Novak, the ball-destroyer, cockily leaning against the sink sucking on a lollipop. Dean's hands hovered protectively over his crotch.

Gabriel noticed and smirked. "Hey, Dean-o."

Dean glared at Sam. "I cannot believe you let this asshole into my house."

"It's my house too, Dean, and he's my friend!"

Gabriel smirked cockily.

"Friend?" Dean said, flabbergasted. "He's like the devil's child!"

Gabriel grinned cheekily. "Dean, you flatter me. What can I say, though, my charm is irresistible."

Dean rolled his eyes. "I dunno, I'm resisting it pretty hard."

Gabriel answered with his own eye roll. The two glared icily at each other.

"So," Sam stuttered, uncomfortable. "Let's go up to my room, Gabe."

"Alright," Gabriel said, glaring at Dean as he followed Sam out of the kitchen. As he passed Dean, he leaned in and whispered, "You better keep one hand over your balls at all times, pal. If you hurt my family again, I will end you."

Dean gulped. Awesome.

* * *

That evening, after Gabriel had mercifully left, Dean nervously picked up his phone to call Anna. She answered on the second ring.

"Hello, Dean."

"Hey, Anna."

"When would you like to go out?"

"Oh, um," Dean could feel himself blushing. Not that it really mattered, since, well, this was a phone conversation and no one was around to see him behaving like a middle school girl. But still. "What about Friday? We could go see a movie or something."

"I'd like that."

"Alright, sounds good..." Dean trailed off. God, this was awkward.

"Yes, it does sound good."

"Right," Dean stammered. "Well I'm gonna hang up now, if that's alright."

"That's quite alright. I'll see you at school, Dean."

"Yeah, see you, Anna." Dean hung up.

Why the fuck was he doing this, again? Right, because he was trying very hard not to be gay and Anna was an attractive girl who was practically throwing herself at him. Pre-Cas Dean would have been all over this scenario.

So Dean was going to buck up and make himself enjoy this, dammit.

The week went by and ushered in Friday entirely too quickly for Dean's taste. For the entire second half of the day, Dean was twitchy and fidgety. He looked like a spastic monkey. Kind of like the baboon from The Lion King.

He texted Anna after school asking when she would like to be picked up. She requested 5ish, and Dean conceded that 5ish would do.

Dean wandered around his house like a moron until 5ish, having absolutely no idea what to do with himself. When was the last time he had actually been nervous for a date? Try never?

Seriously, what the fuck?

At about 5 minutes to 5:00, Dean finally deemed it an acceptable time to get in his Impala and roll toward the new Novak headquarters. He prayed to God that Anna had the sense to make sure Cas and Gabe weren't home. Preferably Michael wouldn't be home either. Dean didn't want the angry older brother judgment looks right now.

When he got to the small house, he saw no cars in the driveway and he took that as a positive sign. He was sweaty and breathing weirdly when he knocked on the door.

Anna answered promptly and, Dean had to admit, she looked breath-taking. Her hair was settled into flawless waves and she was wearing a very fitted shirt that accented her cleavage along with a short skirt that didn't leave much to the imagination.

"Dean," Anna acknowledged, smiling.

"Anna," Dean stuttered.

"Come in," Anna said, stepping aside.

"You're home alone, right?"

"Yes," Anna replied, smiling coyly. "I'll be home alone all night, actually."

Dean didn't ask why. He just thanked whatever forces were out there from saving him from having to guard his balls this evening.

"So," Anna said, leaning against the wall and looking at him from under heavy eyelashes. "Would you be opposed to skipping the movie and hanging out here instead?"

Dean was conflicted. He really didn't want to. But then again he didn't want to see a movie either. Anna was basically offering her incredibly attractive body up for Dean's pleasure and he wasn't even interested. But he wanted to be. Boy, did he want to be. But he figured, if he was going to force himself to be straight, this was the way to do it.

"Sure, sounds great, Anna," Dean smiled.

Anna returned the smile and slowly walked over to him. She paused for a minute, eyes wide and curious, before her lips crashed into Dean's.

It was interesting. He'd kissed more girls than he could count, but Dean couldn't bring any of those memories into his head. All he could think of was Cas. And how Anna was too small against him and she was all... curves. No muscle. This had never bothered him before but, man, it bothered him now.

Instead of pushing her away, like his heart and mind were telling him to, he deepened the kiss and let Anna tentatively lead him to her bedroom. They quickly fell into a horizontal position on her bed, Dean on top and Anna curling her legs around Dean's thighs.

"Dean," Anna breathed. "I want you... right now."

Dean didn't know what else to do, so he complied. He helped Anna out of her clothes, going through all of the motions that he was so practiced in, but feeling nothing this time around. Seriously, he felt like he was reading a description of someone else having sex, and not even a sexy description at that.

Just so he wouldn't embarrass himself, he forced himself to think of Cas so he would get hard. He tried not to think of how much of a problem that was.

And, just so he could keep going, he found himself keeping on thinking of Cas. The entire time. Seriously, he and Anna were going at it, and she was making some pretty enthusiastic noises, and he was just thinking of all things Cas.

He almost felt bad, but not really.

Dean's head was swimming with images of Cas and he could almost hear Cas's voice and he imagined with all his might that the lips pressed feverishly against his own were Cas's. He was close, and before he registered what he was doing, he breathed, "Cas," as he came.

He came down from his post-orgasm high pretty quickly, realizing what he had said.

This was quite possibly the most awkward moment of his entire existence.

He just kind of laid there, red as a fucking tomato, waiting for Anna to say something.

"Dean, I'm a lesbian."

"What?"

Okay, that's better than a lot of things he thought Anna might say, but he was sure as hell not expecting that one.

"Yes, I'm sorry," Anna said, looking over at him thoughtfully. "Well, I'm not incredibly sorry, as I'm sure this meant little to you as well. You're obviously still in love with my brother. But I was trying not to be a lesbian... my father would NOT approve... but that sex did nothing for me... you do nothing for me... no offense."

Dean was speechless. But relieved.

"Yeah, me too," he admitted. "I was totally thinking of your brother the whole time."

Anna smiled. "I was thinking if this girl in my biology class."

"Oh really?" Dean said, smirking. "Details?"

"Not yet," Anna said with a smile.

They sat in awkward, but somehow un-awkward at the same time, silence for a bit.

"Anna..." Dean begin.

"Yes, Dean?"

"So you're just... okay?" Dean asked. "With being a lesbian now? It doesn't bother you? What other people think?"

"No, it does," Anna mused. "That's why I've been trying to be straight. But I can't be happy this way. I'm sure of it. So the negative things that come with people's poor judgement are outweighed by the positives of being happy being myself, I think. Does that make sense, Dean?"

Dean thought about it. "It makes sense... in theory..."

"It's really okay if you're not ready, Dean," Anna said, seemingly staring through him, similar to Cas's trademark gaze. "No one's forcing you. But... when you are ready, you will get my brother back and make him happy again, won't you?"

"If he'll take me."

Anna nodded and the two of them laid on the bed in companionable silence, staring at the ceiling. Dean wondered if Anna was aware of how many levels of fucked up this scenario was, but he decided not to ask.

He just stared at the ceiling and wondered what Gabriel would do to his balls if he knew that Dean had also just fucked his baby sister. He winced. Hopefully they could keep this one from Gabe.

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**A/N: So I'm aware that this was a weird twist of events. Reviews are very much appreciated, as always :) xxx**


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: Hey, guys! Thanks for all the reviews, as always; they make my day and I'm so touched by all the positive feedback I'm getting :')**

* * *

"Michael?"

Castiel walked into Michael's room. He had tried to put this off. It seemed like such a minor concern. But he couldn't put it off anymore.

He missed his cat, Angel. She made him feel better when he was sad and she was still at his old house, probably starving to death.

"Hey, Cas, what's up?" Michael looked up from his laptop, smiling at his little brother.

"I know this sounds dumb..." Castiel began, shuffling his feet. "But I really miss Angel. Can we get her back?"

Michael opened his mouth to answer when he was interrupted by Gabe suddenly bouncing into the room.

"Dude! This is awesome - it's like Mission Impossible! I have been waiting my whole life for this! It'll be like a Secret Agent mission. Guys... we can be CAT BURGLARS!"

Michael rolled his eyes. "Well, with that level of enthusiasm, I'm sure we can manage it." He smiled. "Cas, go grab your sister. See if she wants to come along."

Castiel smiled, relieved, and knocked on his sister's door. "Anna?"

Anna opened the door quickly, large eyes peering up, guarded, at her older brother. "Yes?"

Anna had been acting weird lately. Castiel wasn't at all sure why, and he had no inkling as to what might be bothering her. And she seemed to be acting weirder around him than anyone else.

"We're running back to the old house to see if we can get Angel back. Do you want to come?"

"No thank you," Anna said primly, shutting the door in Castiel's face.

Um, okay.

He headed back to Gabriel and Michael, slightly nervous about going back to their old house.

"Hold on, I've got to change into all black!"

"Gabe, don't be silly. We don't have time for that."

"But it helps me get in character!"

"What character? You're Gabriel Novak. You're yourself."

"No, I'm 'Gabriel Novak, Cat Burglar' tonight."

"Good lord. Fine. Just hurry up," Michael conceded with a sigh.

Gabriel scampered off excitedly as Castiel reentered the room nervously.

"You okay, kiddo?" Michael asked. "Is Anna coming?"

"I'm fine." Castiel assured him. "And no. She's being really odd lately."

"Maybe it's her time of the month?" Michael suggested unhelpfully.

"I don't think PMS lasts for two entire weeks, Michael."

"Well then shit, I dunno. I don't pretend to understand the ways of the jacked up female mind."

Castiel rolled his eyes as Gabriel sauntered in, grinning from ear to ear, clothed in black skinny jeans, a black hoodie, black leather fingerless gloves, a black hat, and black tennis shoes.

"Alright guys. I'm ready to roll."

Michael exchanged an exasperated look with Castiel. "Alright. Get in the car, you buffoon."

Castiel and Michael followed Gabe out to the car and clamored into the front seat. The drive to their old house was quiet. Castiel drummed his fingers against the arm rest nervously.

They pulled up to the house and Castiel thanked whatever God was out there that their father's car was not parked in the driveway. Gabriel, however, was disappointed.

"You mean, we can just walk in there? Not sneaky at all? Well this is a bubble burst."

Michael looked at him exasperatedly. "Are you a moron?"

"Yeah, probably," Gabriel answered with a shrug.

Castiel led the way out of the car and opened the unlocked door. "Wow," he thought to himself. "Our father is clearly not the most intelligent creature when intoxicated."

He entered the house and quickly scanned the area, looking for any sign of his cat. He smelled the delightful aroma of a thoroughly un-scooped litter box and took that as a positive sign.

The house was a mess. Castiel looked around with a heavy heart and tried to focus solely on the task at hand. It was hard, though. There were smashed family photos on the walls and beer bottles everywhere. There was garbage littering the entirety of the floor space and Castiel could see dirty dishes piled up halfway to the ceiling in the kitchen.

Castiel's tensions eased as he heard an excited meow coming from the hallway and he saw a flying ball of white hurling itself toward his leg.

"Hey, Angel, baby," Castiel said, bending down to pet his cat as she purred and rubbed her cheek against his legs and hands.

"Okay, great," Gabe said. "Let's get out of here now."

He seemed considerably less cheerful and excitable now that they were inside the house.

"Yeah," Michael said, looking around grimly. "Mission accomplished, right?"

He patted Gabe on the shoulder and led the way out of the house.

Castiel scooped up Angel and cuddled her close, noting how much weight she had lost, and followed his brothers back to the car.

* * *

When the Novak boys pulled into the driveway of their recently acquired home, Castiel saw Anna poised on the front steps, looking troubled.

"Hey, Anna, you okay?" Michael asked, pausing to scrutinize his baby sister before following Gabriel through the doorway.

"Yeah," Anna said, smiling up at him. "Cassy, can I talk to you?"

Castiel was slightly suspicious... Anna only called him Cassy when she was trying to be cute which meant she either wanted something or felt guilty about something.

"Sure," Castiel said cautiously, motioning for Anna to follow him into the house.

Anna popped up and anxiously rolled her fingers together, hovering behind Castiel's shoulder as he headed toward the kitchen.

Castiel pulled out some cat food from a container that Michael had scavenged from their old house. He lovingly petted Angel and scooped some food into a bowl, Angel meowing at him intently while enthusiastically purring.

Castiel smiled and stroked Angel while she happily fed. "So?" he looked up at Anna curiously.

Anna was fidgeting even MORE now and Castiel was starting to feel concerned.

"Anna, what's wrong?"

"Cas.." Anna began.

Castiel could see her fingers curling into anxious little balls and he could see wetness gathering in her eyes.

"Anna?" Castiel rose anxiously and put his hand on Anna's shoulder.

"Castiel, I slept with Dean," Anna blurted, looking determinedly away from Castiel, shame coating her face.

"What?" Castiel's whole body tensed up. He couldn't believe this. No.

"I-" Anna's eyes leaked with tears. "I'm so sorry. I know it was wrong, but I- it was just easy and I needed to... it didn't mean anything, Cas. For either of us. I'm a lesbian and he was thinking of you the entire time. He told me, Cas. Please don't-"

Castiel was already walking out the door.

Darkness had fallen and Castiel stared blearily up at the dark sky tinged with small flecks of brilliant, sparkling light. Oddly, he could barely even feel the utter despair that was clawing at his chest. It was like he was outside of his body and he was a curious onlooker, watching someone become utterly broken instead of experiencing it himself.

This happened sometimes to him. This numbness. Sometimes he just kind of retreated and stopped feeling. You'd think that would be a good thing considering how he had a tendency to feel things such as sadness and depression so strongly.

But this numbness was worse.

Sometimes he felt like his senses were being too overwhelmed. Too much. Just too much. Everything - too much. So much to see, so much to hear, so much to feel... not enough time to take it all in. Not enough energy to feel everything. Too much. Just too much.

That's when the numbness would set in.

Castiel didn't know what to feel. He didn't know what to do. He just looked up at the sky and stared at the stars.

What if the stars just started falling? All of them - all at once? Flashes of brilliant brightness would hurtle toward the earth and, you know, they tell you that light's a good thing, but that - that would be terrifying. Too much light. Too much.

Then the brilliance would explode in your face and it would overwhelm your entire being. Everything you are - it'd be consumed by that cursed light. That light that is supposed to be beautiful and good. You wouldn't care that the light used to be a distant star that was pleasant to look at. Because it would be destroying you. Destroying you - and you'd be dead just like that.

And isn't that what always happens? Something beautiful comes along and you're just in awe but then it destroys you.

It always fucking destroys you.

With that pleasant thought ringing in his mind, Castiel ducked his head and started walking.

He didn't know where, but he just started walking. He found himself toeing the yellow lines in the middle of the road. He held his arms out and tried to pretend he was on a balance beam.

His life depended on this. Stay balanced. Stay on the yellow lines. They were the tightrope and Castiel was the trapeze artist.

Balance. Always stay balanced. Don't get distracted. Don't let anything blow you over. You can't let anything do that. Do you want to go tumbling to your death? No?

Then keep your fucking balance.

Castiel saw the bright lights of a car heading toward him. It was a ways away and he considered waiting to see if the car would knock him off of his tightrope. But he didn't want that control taken away from him.

So he got off his tightrope on his own and got out of the road.

And, gee, there was a time where he would have just let the car run into him. He didn't know when he'd gotten past that but he didn't even feel good about it.

Aren't you supposed to feel proud when you stop feeling suicidal?

Maybe he would if he could make himself feel something.

Anything.

Anything at all. Castiel stared blankly up at the sky again, thinking about falling stars. He wondered what it would be like - being a falling star. How would it feel?

He didn't think he would be so numb if he were hurtling toward earth at breakneck speed.

At that thought, Castiel broke into a sprint and ran.

He ran in the middle of the street. He ran past houses full of people who were feeling things. They were feeling. How did they do that? Is there a switch that he'd accidentally triggered that made his feelings just leave? Were they dead? Could he get them back?

It was getting harder to breathe now, but he kept running. He realized in the back of his mind that he was barefoot but the thought didn't phase him. He supposed the balls of his feet should be hurting, but he didn't feel it.

He didn't feel anything, after all.

He saw another car coming and so he veered off of the road and into the woods. He stopped running as his eyes tried to adjust to the darkness. He couldn't really see, but he could sense the path - he could sense where the trees were and where they weren't, so he just meandered... unfeeling.

He could hear the rustling of creatures and the chirps of bugs all around him, but he couldn't see anything. Being alone in the woods at night should be terrifying.

But it wasn't.

It wasn't anything.

It just was.

Castiel didn't know where he was going, but he kept walking. He found himself in a clearing and he was greeted by a splash of moonlight.

He paused in his tracks and stared up at the moon with a tilted head. He thought of all those silly stories about a man in the moon. Where did they come from? What if there was really a man up there? And a man on each one of the stars? And the sun? And all that these men wanted to do was shine down on the earth so the humans could look up at something pretty. So the humans could have light.

That's so nice of those men.

But Castiel was sure they must have ulterior motives. I mean, no one does anything without expecting something in return, right? Castiel figured the man on the moon and his friends who lived on the stars were just biding their time, luring the humans into a false sense of security, before they plummeted down to the earth, destroying them all.

The moonlight was reflecting off of a small pond in the clearing and Castiel stared in mesmerized wonder at how the slivers of light danced and sparkled on the surface.

Castiel stepped to the waters edge and tried to catch the light with his fingertips. It was tricky, though. His fingers went right through the crafty little speck of brightness and into the water.

Castiel quickly pulled back his hand and watched the shimmers of light dance. He wanted desperately to catch one, but he didn't want to try anymore.

Water had always scared him. It wasn't consistent. It didn't have form. It was everywhere and nowhere all at once. It was powerful. And he couldn't understand it. It could kill you, if it wanted to. So, naturally, you should want to avoid it, but you can't because you NEED it.

And needing something? Something that can kill you? Something that can hurt you?

That's the type of thing that gets you fucked.

Every. Single. Time.

* * *

**A/N: Thanks for reading, my lovely lovely people xxx Please leave a review if you feel so inclined, because I love them :)**


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: Hey! Sorry for the long wait between updates - life unfortunately got busy :( Updates are going to be a bit more sporadic for a while, unfortunately, but no worries - I am still working diligently on this story, I assure you!**

**But, here, have chapter 19! **

* * *

Sam wasn't completely sure when it happened, how it happened, or WHY it happened, but whenever he walked the school hallways lately, he was constantly harassed by a myriad of starstruck admirers.

"Sam," Ruby whined breathlessly, rushing to catch up to Sam after the final bell. "That was really REALLY awesome the way you knew how to answer that problem in algebra. It was TOTALLY crazy the way you knew how to get x by itself and stuff!"

"Yeah," a girl named Madison wormed her way between Sam and Ruby. "You make math really really hot."

Sam blushed as Ruby, Madison, and two other girls named Jessica and Sarah giggled and nodded.

"Seriously, " Sarah gushed. "I was so impressed when you factored that equation that no one else knew how to factor. Even I was stumped! You're so smart, Sam!"

Sam watched in awe as the girls all gazed at him with starry eyes.

"Yeah, Sam, you make derivatives so sexy. And that ass - DAMN."

Sam blinked in surprise and turned an embarrassingly deep shade of red. He turned around to find that the latest speaker was Gabriel, who was winking suggestively at Sam while wiggling his eyebrows.

Sam smirked and seductively modeled his ass for Gabe. "It is rather nice isn't it?" He grinned at his friend.

The girls rolled their eyes and walked away as Gabriel stared them down.

Sam sighed. "Thanks, man. You know, all the attention was pretty awesome at first, but now it's just getting old. Ruby can't keep her hands off of me and she's hot and all, but dude she's kinda slutty and I don't know where those hands have been, man! Madison is nice sometimes but she's kind of bipolar and she gets super vicious whenever any other girls try to talk to me and I'm not dealing with that! Hell no! Jessica and Sarah are cool but they don't seem to have the courage to act like normal human beings around me. Mostly they just kind of giggle and that got old after the first twelve times."

Gabriel laughed and nonchalantly swung his arm around Sam's shoulders. "No problem, Moosey."

Sam grinned as Gabriel steered him down the hall. Nicknames usually annoyed Sam, but he didn't really mind when it was Gabriel.

"So, Gabe," Sam said with concern. "How's Cas doin?"

Gabriel's face clouded over. "I don't really know. He's... quiet. He's been locking himself in his room lately. I've tried to talk to him but he doesn't really appreciate my efforts. And when I tried to ask him to see his arms and stomach to check for cuts, he threw a book at me."

Sam's face fell. "Has he been eating?"

Gabriel nodded. "Yeah, Michael's making sure he does that. I think Michael might also be monitoring the cutting thing, but I don't really know. I've heard Michael suggesting therapy to Cas, but Cas freaked at that."

"I don't blame him," Sam mused. "I don't think I'd like having to spill my guts to some stuck up shrink either."

Gabriel nodded in agreement then he spotted Castiel at his locker. Sam and Gabe shuffled over to him and leaned onto the lockers on either side of him.

"Hey, Cas!" Gabriel said, a big grin plastered on his face. "We were gonna go get some ice cream. Wanna come?"

Castiel looked at Gabe's hopeful face warily. He looked from Gabe to Sam, who smiled encouragingly. Sam noticed that the spark he used to see in Castiel's eyes was fading, and that worried him.

"I dunno..." Cas muttered.

"Come on, Cas," Sam said imploringly. "It'll be fun!"

He gave Castiel what he hoped was a killer puppy dog face and finally Cas caved.

"Fine," Cas said, a small smile on his face. Sam disappointedly noticed that the smile didn't quite reach his eyes. But it was still a start.

"Excellent!" Gabriel squealed, throwing his arm around Cas's shoulder. "Hurry up, though, geek. We're walkin."

Castiel rolled his eyes and finished methodically transferring books from his locker into his backpack. When he closed his locker, Gabriel started skipping down the now mostly empty hallway toward the door. Sam and Cas exchanged amused looks as they followed.

All three of them stopped in their tracks when a door opened directly in front of them and Dean stepped out.

Sam grimaced. Gabriel's face contorted into one of pure anger.

"Uh, hey, Dean," Sam said quickly, shooting Gabriel a warning look.

"Hey, Sam," Dean said, swallowing uncomfortably. "Gabe," he nodded his head toward Gabriel. His eyes then fell on Castiel. "Hey, Cas," he said softly.

Gabriel shoved his shoulder. "Don't talk to him!"

Castiel's eyes widened and Sam warningly hissed, "Gabe!"

Dean didn't fight back and Sam knew that indicated just how guilty Dean really felt. He knew his brother very well, and he knew that Dean was being a colossal ass to Castiel right now, but he also knew why. And he knew that Dean really did care about Cas a lot. And even though Dean might deserve it, Sam really didn't want Gabe beating him up in the hallway in front of witnesses, including Castiel.

"You really fucking hurt him, you douchebag!" Gabriel growled, invading Dean's personal space and waving an accusatory finger in his face. "You don't just lead someone on like that, you bastard. You can't just fuck with people's feelings just cause you think you're hot shit!"

Dean had the decency to look completely and utterly ashamed, but that didn't seem to phase Gabriel.

Dean's eyes flickered to Castiel's. "Cas, I -"

That's when Gabriel's fist collided with Dean's face. "You don't get to talk to him!"

"Gabe!" Castiel and Sam both shouted.

It was too late, though. Gabriel was wailing on Dean and Dean wasn't even fighting back. Dean took punch after angry punch until Sam hauled Gabriel off of him, Cas watching wide-eyed.

A crowd had started to gather at this point to which Sam yelled, "Alright, move along! Nothing to see here!"

People started to filter away but some still covertly glanced at the foursome.

"Seriously!" Sam yelled. "Get the fuck out of here before I make you!"

At that, everyone cleared out.

Sam released Gabriel and stood between him and Dean. Sam looked pointedly at Gabriel. "Look, I'll see you and Cas later, okay."

Gabriel nodded, still looking angry. "Whatever. Bye, Sam."

With one last glare at Dean, Gabe tossed his arm around Cas and walked away.

Sam wheeled around to face Dean who was grimacing and groaning softly while leaning against the wall, exhausted. His nose was bleeding slightly and he looked defeated.

"What the fuck, Dean?" Sam inquired quietly. "You and I both know you could have knocked Gabriel into next week. You didn't even fight, man. What's going on with you?"

Dean looked up at Sam with what seemed to be a colossal amount of effort. "I've been waiting for him to do that. I wanted it. I needed it. I deserved it, Sam."

Sam looked into his brother's eyes and was concerned to see how dead they looked.

Sam sighed. "Dean, I don't understand. I know how much you like Cas. Being apart like this is hurting both of you. Why don't you just suck it up and take him back?"

"I can't Sam," Dean muttered. "I'm a fucking coward, okay? Besides, I've fucked up too much. He wouldn't want me back now anyway. Not after what I did."

Sam furrowed his brow. "Well, yeah, I mean breaking up with him in a letter and denying your relationship in front of those pricks in the bathroom was a dick move, but I think he'd forgive you if you were willing to put in the effort."

Dean shook his head and closed his eyes. "It's not just that, Sam. I did... something else."

"What did you do?" Sam asked hesitantly.

"If I tell you will you please swear to me not to tell Gabe. EVER."

"Uh, okay..."

Dean's eyes darted around, refusing to meet Sam's.

"I had sex with Anna," Dean muttered almost incoherently.

"You WHAT?" Sam screeched. "Anna as in Castiel's SISTER, Anna?"

Dean closed his eyes and grimaced with a tiny nod of his head.

"What the FUCK, Dean? WHY?"

"She asked me... and I... I was trying to get over Cas. It seemed like a good idea at the time... but it wasn't. Turns out she was just using me anyway. Which is fine because I was using her too, but..."

"How was she using you?" Sam asked.

"Apparently she's a lesbian and she wanted to be sure or something." Dean said, shrugging.

Sam ran a hand through his hair and paced. "This is so fucked up, you know that, right?"

Dean glared at him. "Believe me, Sam, I get that."

Sam stepped toward his brother in what he hoped was an intimidating manner. "Listen to me, Dean. Cas is my friend. I really like him, okay, and you hurt the fuck out of him and in turn also hurt the fuck out of yourself. I don't like seeing you like this and I don't like seeing him like this and I also don't like having my best friend beat you up in the hallway."

"Speaking of," Dean said nonchalantly. "Anything goin on there with you and Gabe? You seem to be getting pretty friendly lately..."

"Don't deflect," Sam growled, shutting Dean up. "We're talking about you and Cas. Now listen. You're going to fix this. I don't care how, but you're going to fix this. You hear me?"

"Sam, were you even listening to me?" Dean huffed. "I CAN'T fix this. I fucked this up so bad, Sam! He's never gonna take me back now, even if I did have the courage to make some big romantic gesture."

"I don't believe that," Sam said shaking his head. "I mean, I know if it were me, I would never take an asshole like you back, but Cas is different. He's special. You two together was special. I don't care how much time it takes, but you're gonna fix this. Okay?"

* * *

Dean swallowed. His brother all up in his personal space and intimidating was a new thing. He was kind of proud of him but at the same he was pretty annoyed at himself for letting Sammy get the best of him.

Still, he nodded. "Look, Sam, I'll try. I will. But it might take time, Sam. A lot of time. And I don't even know if it will work, okay man?"

"But you'll try?" Sam was looking at him with those pure, earnest eyes and Dean's heart twinged a bit.

"Yeah, Sammy, I'll try."

Sam nodded and backed out of Dean's space. "Do you love him?"

"I don't know, Sammy," Dean sighed.

A voice in the back of his head insisted that he did, in fact, know and that the answer was YES, he really fucking loved Cas. But at this point, Deam really didn't know how to deal with that voice so he shrugged it off.

Sam sighed and clapped his shoulder before walking off. "I'm gonna see if I can go catch up with Gabe. See you at home, kay?"

"Yeah," Dean said.

He sighed and groaned before trudging over to his locker. He noticed a movement out of the corner of his eye. He furrowed his brow and looked over. He could have sworn that a second ago he saw a person ducking behind the lockers to avoid his gaze.

He shrugged it off as paranoia and began the task of packing up his backpack with all of his homework for the night.

Okay, there was definitely a movement this time. He left his locker and quietly walked over to where he had seen a flash of a small person darting behind the row of lockers.

Just as he was about to round the corner and nab the little shit who was spying on him, said little shit stuck his head out and Dean was met with a skinny, wide-eyed face grinning cheekily up at him.

"Hello," the skinny, little dude chirped.

"Uh, hi," Dean said, confused as hell. The dude didn't even seem phased by the fact that he had been caught spying. "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

"Eavesdropping," the weird kid said with a grin.

Dean was pretty sure he'd seen him around before, but he was a kid that kind of kept to himself. Dean thought he was one of the weird theatre people.

"You know that's really rude, right?" Dean asked, annoyed.

The bizarre dude nodded seriously. "That's why I usually don't get caught. But I wanted you to catch me this time."

Dean paused. "This time?" he asked exasperatedly.

Weird Guy nodded with wide, innocent eyes. "I've been watching you for a long time, Dean. You're my new project."

Dean wasn't nearly as creeped out as he should have been. Sure, this dude was weird as fuck, but in an amusing way. And Dean was pretty impressed with the fact that apparently this guy had been stalking him and he hadn't even known. And he seemed fairly harmless.

"Right. Well, I'm sure you know that's really really weird and creepy. But I'm also sure you don't care. So, mind telling me why I'm your project?"

Weird Guy smiled softly. "Dean, I like to help people. I like to think of myself as a little helping fairy that floats around and sprinkles magic dust on people in need," he said, accompanying his speech with fluttering hand gestures.

Dean blinked. Was this dude for real? "Right. So what do you think your magical happiness dust shit can do for me?" he asked sarcastically.

Weird Guy dramatically sighed and reached to put a hand on Dean's shoulder. Dean stared at said hand, disturbed. Weird Guy wasn't phased, though.

"Dean," Weird Guy said earnestly. "You're denying yourself the chance to be happy. And you're denying poor Castiel the chance to be happy as well."

Dean felt himself blushing. "Listen, you don't know-"

"Uh, uh," Weird Guy held a finger up, shushing him. "I'm good at my job, my friend. And I'm going to help you. I do love a good romance. It makes me heart all giddy. I don't usually do this kind of thing face to face. I usually prefer a more behind the scenes method," he mused. "After all, fairies do all of their work in secret," he said seriously.

"Right.." Dean muttered.

"But you looked like you could use a friend." Weird Guy smiled up at him and Dean decided Weird Guy wasn't half bad.

"Alright, Weird Guy, you're in," Dean said, rolling his eyes at how desperate he had become. But he was growing fond of Weird Guy already. Maybe he should learn his name. "Hey, I don't think I know your name?"

"You don't," Weird Guy said cheerfully. He held his hand out for Dean to shake. "The name's Garth. Garth Fitzgerald the Fourth."

Dean grinned, shaking the hand of Garth Fitzgerald the Fourth. "Well, Garth Fitzgerald the Fourth, I hope you like a challenge, because not only is this little match-making task of yours gonna be a bitch, but I'm also kind of a pain in the ass as a friend."

Garth Fitzgerald the Fourth chuckled confidently waving his hand in the air, as if dismissing the matter. "You underestimate my power, young grasshopper." He winked and then sneakily grabbed Dean's phone out of his pocket and programmed his number into it before handing it back to a surprised Dean.

"We're BFFs now, so text me later, loverboy, kay? I need to know all the deets about you and your boy so I can make the magic happen." With another wink and a cheesy solute, Garth Fitzgerald the Fourth sauntered off, leaving Dean equal parts amused and confused.

But Garth Fitzgerald the Fourth was definitely right about at least one thing. Dean did need a friend right now, and he'd take what he could get no matter how weird it was.

* * *

**A/N: As always, reviews make me the happiest girl on earth, so please leave me some! :) I hope you liked Garth, because I adore Garth. ;)**


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N: Hello, lovely people! I am SO sorry that this update took so long. Seriously, life got crazy for me and then I started working on other fics too but I PROMISE YOU I WILL NOT ABANDON THIS STORY UNTIL IT IS DONE. Because it's my baby. But anyway, please enjoy this chapter and I love you all for loving this story and yeah. :)**

* * *

Dean groaned as he was awakened from his slumber by his phone ringing on his nightstand.

"What the fuck.." he whined, glancing at the clock that read 2:30 AM.

He rolled his eyes when he caught sight of the name on the caller ID. Flipping his phone open, he muttered, "What do you want, Garth?"

"Good day, Dean!" the voice on the other end chimed. Dean didn't know how the fuck someone could be so cheerful at 2:30 in the morning.

"It's not 'day,' Garth. It's 2:30 in the fucking morning. I was fucking asleep, dude," Dean growled.

So far it was Dean's third day of "BFF-hood" with Garth (That's what Garth called it: BFF-hood. What even.) and Dean was starting to get used to Garth's idiosyncrasies. Even though some of them were fucking annoying. Such as the one where he doesn't understand that normal people are usually asleep at 2:30 AM.

"Dean, you must embrace the beauty of an infant morning! You miss the first moments of a day's life when you spend all of your time sleeping, you know."

"Whatever," Dean sighed. "To what do I owe this delightful disturbance of my beauty sleep?"

"I've been doing some research," Garth began.

Dean groaned and sat up, rubbing his eyes. So this was going to be one of those long conversations. Whenever Garth said he did "research," what he meant was that he very creepily stalked people online and in person and gathered an extensive knowledge of gossip about anyone and everyone in town. And now that he had a friend for the first time, he was always inordinately excited to be able to share his knowledge with his friend. No matter what time it was, apparently.

"So I was at Lilith's house the other day," Garth rattled out.

"Sure," Dean nodded, having previously accepted the fact that Garth made a habit of breaking into other people's houses without invitation or reason.

"And apparently she got caught with drugs AND lesbian porn so her super conservative parents flipped and are totally sending her to this Christian teen reform center in Utah," Garth babbled.

"Wait, what? She's allowed to have lesbian porn but she is a fucking bitch about it when she thinks I'm gay? That's fucked up. Serves her right to be exiled to Utah, if you ask me."

"Dean," Garth said seriously. "Sometimes when people are ashamed of their own sexuality, they lash out at other people. That seems to be what Lilith was doing when she-"

"You know, I don't really give two shits about why that bitch did what she did," Dean interrupted. "I'm glad she got shipped off to Bible Camp."

"I thought you would be. In other news, Ash Harvelle is now organizing group orgies at his house with free booze and marijuana."

"Please tell me this bit of information has nothing to do with me," Dean grimaced.

"Not unless you want it to," Garth replied.

"God, no," Dean wrinkled his nose.

"Have you ever taken part in an orgy, Dean?" Garth inquired.

"Nope and I really don't want to start now," Dean said uncomfortably.

"You might want to consider it," Garth mused. "In my personal experience, I -"

"Oh God, dude, stop. Just stop. Please. I don't want to hear about you and your orgies."

"Well some of those orgies included other men, Dean, and you might need some advice on the logistics of that later down the road, so-"

"OH MY GOD, GARTH," Dean moaned, resisting the urge to throw his phone across the room. "I think orgies need to go on our list of subjects to never discuss again."

They actually had a list. So far the list included the art of 69, the sex life of Principle Henriksen, the birthing process of kangaroos, The Book of Mormon (the musical), and Glee. Dean thought orgies would be a fantastic addition to that list.

"Fine," Garth sighed. Dean heard rustling on the other end as Garth probably added "orgies" to the list he kept in his notebook. "So, anyway, apparently that guy, Chuck, who's in charge of the school newspaper is writing a novel."

"That's not very interesting, Garth."

"No?" Garth challenged. "I think it is. It's about people he knows. It's about people at school, Dean. I hear you're in it."

"What? Why?"

"Well you and Sam are still the big news lately after your showdown with Lilith. Mostly people are idolizing Sam while they moan about how tragic your denial of your sexuality is."

Dean groaned. "Fuck my life. Seriously. Fuck. My. Life. So what, in Chuck's book I'm some emo teenager who is ashamed of his reflection while Sammy is all Superman?"

"No, actually," Garth explained. "Chuck's story takes place in an alternate universe where you and Sam are adults who travel the world saving people and hunting supernatural creatures. Castiel appears well into the novel as an Angel of The Lord who assists you two in stopping the apocalypse. Apparently there's all sorts of sexual tension between you and Cas and a whole lot of eye sex."

"That's really fucking weird," Dean said. "Why the fuck does this Chuck dweeb care about me, Sam, and Cas, anyway?"

"It might have something to do with his best friend, Becky, who he happens to be in love with."

Dean waited for an explanation but none came. "Okay, so uh, why does Becky care about us then?"

"Oh, Becky is obsessed with homoerotic fan fiction and gay porn," Garth stated. "She thinks that you and Castiel are 'totally the sexiest couple since Klaine'."

"What the hell is a Klaine?"

"It's from Glee so I'm not allowed to talk about it," Garth answered.

"Of course it is..." Dean muttered. "So Becky is basically having Chuck write gay porn about us is what you're saying?"

"Well that's originally what she wanted, but Chuck wouldn't do it. He created the story about you guys but he couldn't bring himself to write about your sex life apparently."

"Thank you, Chuck."

"Although I don't know why. I bet I could write some awesome porn about you two."

"GARTH!" Dean barked, exasperated. "Porn about me and Cas needs to be on our list too, okay? Write that shit down now please."

"Fine," Garth sighed. "But you should know before we stop talking about it that Becky has written some Destiel porn already and it's posted online."

"DESTIEL?" Dean groaned. "Has she been talking to Sam or something? Fuck. My. Life. Got any good news, Rumor Fairy?"

"I don't know if this is good news, but there is some speculation going around about your brother Sam and Gabriel Novak being gay lovers."

"Yeah I'm pretty sure that ones true," Dean said.

"Really?"

Dean could hear Garth's wide-eyed, excited facial expression.

"Well I mean not technically, but I wouldn't be surprised if it happened," Dean shrugged. "Even though I really fucking hate that little shit. Gabriel, I mean, not Sam."

"Interesting. Also, Mr. Roman got fired and apparently our new gym teacher is none other than Michael Novak."

"What?" Dean's throat got dry. "You couldn't have lead with that, Garth?"

"Sorry."

"Yeah, whatever..." Dean gulped.

This sucked. Gym was one of his favorite subjects - you didn't have to concentrate on stupid academic shit, you just played a game and focused on winning. It was fun. And now it was just going to be stressful.

"Dean, I have to go. Twilight Zone reruns are on," Garth said hurriedly.

"Yeah, okay, Garth," Dean sighed, running his hand through his hair. "Thanks for the intel."

"Anytime," Garth said seriously.

Dean flipped his phone shut and fell back onto his bed with a mighty groan.

* * *

Dean's alarm clock rang entirely too soon, in Dean's opinion, and he flung his arm out to turn it off with a groan.

"Yay, school," Dean muttered to himself, slowly sitting up. "Yay, gym class. Yay, new gym teacher. Fuck my life."

After he took care of showering and dressing, he trudged downstairs to satisfy his moaning stomach.

"Dude," Sam was saying to John when Dean walked in. "That's totally not the same thing."

"Yes it is," John replied. "Blueberry pop tarts have BLUEBERRIES in them, Sammy, so they're totally healthy."

"But, Dad," Sam said exasperatedly, "they're ARTIFICIAL. That is SO not good for you."

"Whatever," John said with an eye roll. "You can enjoy your high and mighty natural health food and I will die happy with a stomach full of toaster strudel awesomeness."

Dean couldn't help interjecting his opinion into this little debate. "Dude, I am so with dad on this one. If something has the name of a fruit in it, it definitely counts as healthy. Apple pie, for example. Totally nutritious."

Sam shook his head in disbelief. "Heathens," he muttered to himself, before digging into his fruit salad.

Dean smirked as he felt his phone vibrating in his pocket. He rolled his eyes as he answered, "What's up, Garth?"

Both John and Sam perked up at the mention of Garth. They had heard Dean's description of the guy and his crazy antics, but they had never actually met him. They were fascinated by Garth.

"Top of the morning to ya, Dean!" Garth sung from the other end of the phone. "Do you mind giving me a ride to school today, bestie?"

"Uh, sure, Garth, I'll just-"

"Excellent! I'm on your front porch, by the way."

"You're -" Dean backed up a few steps to his living room and looked out the window. Sure enough, Garth was cheerily waving to him through the glass. "Good lord, Garth. Just let yourself in."

"Suh-weet!" Garth exclaimed, before hanging up.

Dean turned apologetically to Sam and John as the door opened and in walked Garth, a sock puppet over his left arm.

"Salutations, family Winchester!" Garth greeted, all smiles. "I'm Garth Fitzgerald IV. I'm also Dean's BFF. This is Mr. Fizzles. He was my old BFF, but now he's my second string BFF because I like Dean better." He paused and looked at his sock puppet apologetically. "Sorry, Mr. Fizzles."

Sam had a wide grin on his face and a hand clapped over his mouth, clearly trying to hold back laughter. John had paused mid-chew to stare in wonder at Garth and his second string BFF, pop-tart half hanging out of his mouth.

Sam was the first to recover. "Nice to meet you, Garth!" he said happily, shaking Garth's free hand. "I'm Sam."

"Hello, Sam Winchester," Garth said seriously. "Now, if you don't mind me asking, is it true that you and Gabriel Novak are homosexual lovers?"

Dean's eyebrows widened and his mouth quirked in amusement while John choked on his pop-tart and his face turned red from a combination of laughter and lack of air.

Sam's face, however, turned red from embarrassment. "What? No! What the - where did you hear that?"

"I have my ways," Garth said mysteriously before winking conspiratorially at Dean.

Dean found himself grinning back. Garth was definitely no replacement for Cas, but he was seriously fucking entertaining.

"I'm John, Dean's dad," John addressed Garth after he finally recovered from choking on his breakfast.

"It is a pleasure to meet you, Winchester patriarch!" Garth said brightly.

John's eyebrows knotted in a combination of confusion and amusement as Dean smirked. "So, Garth, want anything to eat?"

"No thank you," Garth responded, plopping down in a chair.

"Hey, Garth," Sam said. "We were having this debate before you called. Are apple pie and blueberry pop tarts healthy just because they have fruit in their names?"

All three Winchesters turned eagerly to hear the newcomers position in the very important culinary debate.

Garth shook his head seriously. "Oh, certainly not, Samuel. Those are extremely unhealthy food items."

Sam grinned. "I like your new BFF, Dean. You should keep him."

John and Dean scowled.

* * *

The day progressed fairly smoothly, considering how depressed Dean was. Garth made things interesting, at the very least, and it turned out that he actually had quite a few classes with Dean but the Winchester had just never noticed.

Unfortunately for Dean, the time finally came for gym class and Dean nervously tried to blend in with the crowd as he headed toward the locker room.

Dean caught sight of Michael Novak's brunette head peering down at his clipboard intently and quickly looked away. He rushed into the locker room before the new teacher had time to notice his presence.

Of course, Michael would know soon enough that Dean was in his class, if he didn't know already.

Seriously, when did Dean Winchester's life become so dramatic and angsty?

After he dawdled as long as possible in the locker room, he slowly trudged out into the gym, keeping his head firmly trained downward.

He heard Michael's voice ring out confidently, "Hey, guys! So, in case you hadn't noticed, I'm not Coach Roman. Coach Roman, unfortunately, had to abandon ship, so I'm your new gym teacher. My name's Michael Novak and this is my first time being a gym teacher so I don't really know what I'm doing. Please don't hold that against me. But for today I figured we could do something fun so that you guys will like me."

Dean smirked at that. He heard some of the guys around him chuckle appreciatively. He liked Michael, he really did. It sucked to like the one teacher who you knew must hate you with a passion because you broke his little brother's heart.

"So, anyone have any requests?" Michael asked, casually tossing a kickball back and forth.

"Dodgeball!" some guy exclaimed. His excitement was echoed by all of his loud friends.

"Alrighty, then. Dodgeball it is!" Michael said cheerily. "This half of the room, you'll be one team. The rest of you are on the other team. Don't kill each other, play nice, and have fun."

Michael then proceeded to release a bag of balls into the throng of teenage boys and then quickly retreat. Dean accidentally met Michael's eyes with a small smile. To his surprise, Michael returned the gesture.

A few minutes into the game, the boys heard a whistle and Michael addressed them. "Hey guys, sorry for the interruption. I just need a volunteer to help me with something for a quick minute. Dean! Why don't you help me? Thanks! That's it, guys, feel free to resume your dodging and balling."

Dean looked around in mild confusion. He was pretty sure he hadn't volunteered. Of course this would happen, though. Just his luck. He sighed and followed Michael into his office.

Michael was leaning against his desk and he smiled kindly at Dean when Dean entered apprehensively. "Hey, Dean. I surmised from your extremely dedicated avoidance of eye contact that you think I might be mad at you?" Michael guessed.

Dean blushed sheepishly.

Michael sighed. "Look, Dean. I'm not mad at you. I actually quite like you. I know it's probably not professional to discuss personal matters with a student, but what can I say, I live on the edge," Michael said with a smirk. "Dean, I just want Cas to be happy and I know you care for him. I can tell. I don't know why this fall-out happened but I don't think it's the end of the world and I think you two can help each other. I really just want Cas to be happy again, Dean."

Dean nodded. "Yeah, me too," he said quietly.

"Dean, what happened? Cas won't really talk to me," Michael said sadly.

"I..." Dean sighed and leaned against the wall. "I dunno, man. I'm a dick, I guess. Like, I really like him. You don't understand how much. But I've never felt like this before. And it's..."

"I believe the word you're searching for is 'scary', Dean. Unfortunately, there isn't really a manly way to say it."

Dean smiled. "Yeah, I guess not. Anyway, I've never liked someone so much before. And on top of that he's a GUY and I'm not supposed to like other dudes. I'm a womanizer. I'm like the dictionary definition of womanizer, ya know? I just... I can't deal with people looking at me all different and judgmental. But it doesn't even matter anymore. I fucked everything up beyond repair and Cas will never want me back now anyway."

Michael nodded. "Dean, I get it. This shit is hard. But, you know, sometimes you have to do what's going to make you happy as opposed to trying to please everyone else. Dean, this is high school. These people don't matter in the grand scheme of your life. You're never going to SEE most of these people again after this year. And their opinions? Their opinions can't hurt you unless you let them, you know?"

Dean looked at the ground. "I know. And I'm coming to realize that, but... I don't think I'm good enough for Cas, man. I mean, you know him, he's special. And I'm... well, I'm a jerk and I'll just keep making things worse for him. I fuck everything up, Michael, ya know?"

Michael rolled his eyes. "Okay, Dean. This pity parade you're marching in and all this teenage angst? It's gotta stop. It doesn't matter if you think you're good enough for Cas or not. Cas gets to decide what's good enough for him, not you. And if you go into everything thinking you'll fuck it up, how can you expect yourself not to? Really, Dean, you've got to let yourself have nice things. You can't just punish yourself because you think you deserve it. How are you going to have a happy life if you do that, Dean?"

Dean thought about that. Damn Novak had a good point.

"Look, Dean," Michael said, moving to lean against the wall beside Dean. "Cas hasn't been doing well. Now, he'd be pissed as hell if he knew I was telling you this, but I'm telling you anyway because I want you to stop being a moron and help him."

Dean gulped.

Michael sighed. "I know I'm supposed to be an adult here and I'm supposed to know what to do and I should know how to take care of my brother, but I don't. I'm trying. I'm trying so hard but it's just goddamn difficult. He's so sad and I can't fucking fix it, you know? He was so happy when he was with you. I hadn't seen him like that in ages, Dean. But now he sits sadly and silently in his room all of the time. He's expressionless. He doesn't eat unless I practically shove food down his throat and he has razor blades hidden all over his room that I keep trying to take away. It never works though because every day there are new cuts on his arms and it just really breaks my heart, Dean. And I'm scared. I can't lose him."

Michael's voice broke and he looked down at his hands, twiddling his thumbs.

Dean cleared his throat. "It's really that bad?" he asked sadly.

Michael nodded. "Look, Dean, just try. I think he really needs you to try, you know?"

Dean nodded and opened his mouth when the conversation was interrupted by a bunch of anxious yells from the gym.

Michael winced and hurried to investigate the commotion, Dean at his heels. The students were all crowded in a circle, staring at something and chattering nervously.

"Hey!" Michael said, shoving his way through the herd to see the spectacle. "What's goin on here?"

"Benny fell and I think he twisted his ankle!"

Michael kneeled down next to a guy on the ground in the center of the crowd. "Alright, guys, get back to your game, and careful!" he called to the room at large. Then he quietly addressed Benny. "Benny, you alright, man?"

Benny winced and nodded. "Yes sir," he answered in a thick, relaxed southern accent. "I think I might have just twisted my ankle a bit, not big deal."

"Alright," Michael said, concern etched in his features. "You wanna try to stand up?"

Benny nodded and attempted to rise, only to crumble back to the ground with a grunt of pain.

"Huh," Benny chuckled, slightly out of breath. "Maybe it's worse than I thought."

Michael smiled sympathetically. "Dean? Will you help me help Benny up?"

Dean nodded. "Yeah, sure, of course."

Michael, Dean, and Benny worked together to get Benny on his feet and to the bleachers.

"Does it feel any better after walking?" Dean asked after helping Benny down to a sitting position. "Or does it feel broken."

Benny winced and rubbed at the offending ankle. "I think it might be dislocated."

Michael looked worried. "That certainly doesn't sound good," he muttered distractedly to himself, running a finger through his hair. "You're taking it like a pro, though, Benny."

Dean smiled and nodded in agreement.

"Thanks," Benny said in his thick southern drawl, with an eye roll for added effect.

"Look, Dean, do you mind helping Benny down to the school nurse?" Michael asked.

"Of course," Dean said. "No problem."

He clapped Michael on the shoulder and smiled at him encouragingly before putting Benny's arm around his shoulders and helping him up. "There we go, buddy. Sorry about the pain, I've hurt my ankle before so I know the feel." He gave Benny a sympathetic expression.

"Thanks," Benny said as they hobbled through the gym door and down the hall to the school nurse's office. "It's nothin new, I've hurt myself before. Still sucks though."

Dean chuckled. "I know, man, I know."

"So," Benny said in between attempts to mask his grunts of pain. "You know the new coach?"

"Yeah," Dean said, swallowing. "You know the Novaks? They're new this year. Cas, Gabe, and Anna? He's their older brother."

"Oh," Benny said. "Aren't you and Cas, like, together or something?"

Dean flushed. "Look, man, I -"

"Hey," Benny said, chuckling light-heartedly. "It don't matter to me either way. To each his own, I figure." Benny shrugged. "Plus, if guys like you are batting for the other team, that means more chicks for me, right?" Benny said with a wink.

Dean laughed. "I actually bat for both teams, technically speaking," he said, grinning, surprised at how easy he was finding it to talk about this with this Benny kid. "But I think I'll be taking a timeout for a while. Well after I get Cas back, that is."

"You two aren't together anymore?"

"Nah," Dean said. "I fucked things up."

"I'm sorry to hear that. I'm sure it'll work out in the end, though," Benny said kindly.

"Thanks," Dean said sincerely, pulling open the door to the nurse's office.

The nurse was apparently in the back room with another student because the room was empty.

"Awesome," Dean said sarcastically. "I'll wait with you, though. As heart-breaking as missing a few minutes of class is, I think I can make the sacrifice for the sake of giving you some delightful company."

Benny laughed at Dean's cheeky grin. "You're a strange one, Winchester."

"Yeah, but I'm adorable."

A few minutes actually turned out to be an hour. The hour flew by, though, and Benny mostly forgot about the pain in his ankle because it turned out that Dean and Benny had a lot in common and they talked excitedly non-stop the whole sixty minutes.

Dean wondered why he'd never had friends before this year, because it turned out he was actually really enjoying this whole friend thing. Cas had been awesome, obviously, and Dean fully intended on having Cas back in his life. Garth was hysterical and kind-hearted and Dean found himself laughing much more often with Garth around. Now he was forming an easy friendship with Benny, the two of them talking about the awesome music that they both adored and classic cars and these computer games about war strategy that Dean could never find anyone else to talk to about.

By the time the nurse came in, the two of them already had dozens of inside jokes and they knew enough about each other's personal lives to have some quality black-mail material. Not that Dean anticipated needing it, but it was nice to have in the back of his mind just in case.

Since the school day was about to be over anyway, Dean waited for Benny while the nurse checked him out and wrapped his ankle. She supplied him with crutches and informed him that he was lucky she knew her stuff because she'd fixed it right up and he would be good as new in no time.

The nurse disappeared into the other room when the final bell rang and Benny and Dean opted to wait in the nurse's office until the crowd dispersed, since Benny was crippled now.

The two of them quickly went back to their conversation about which race in Lord of the Rings was a better fighter: elves or dwarves (elves, clearly, duh, I mean have you seen Legolas? Totally a badass in Dean's opinion), when the door opened a crack and Garth stuck his head in with a loud "psssssst, Dean!"

"Hey, Garth!" Dean said, in a better mood than he'd been since he and Cas split. "Benny, have you met Garth?"

"No, I don't think so," Benny replied, staring at Garth apprehensively as he slunk into the nurse's office.

"I'm Garth Fitzgerald IV," Garth said brightly, shaking Benny's hand enthusiastically. "I'm Dean's bestie," Garth explained, glowing with pride.

Dean tried and failed to suppress a small smile and Benny chuckled. "Good for you. I'm Benny. I'm Dean's friend too, but we kind of just met today."

"I know who you are," Garth said. "And I'm sorry about you dislocating your ankle in gym class. That's a real bummer. So, fellow friend of Dean's, do you know about Cas?"

Dean rolled his eyes. "Oh god, Garth, please tell me you're not trying to get Benny involved in Operation GCADTSTCLHEAAAGPPASAGBAT?"

"Operation what?" Benny asked, equal parts amused and apprehensive.

"Operation Get Cas And Dean Together So They Can Live Happily Ever After And Attend Gay Pride Parades And Shit And Generally Be Adorable Together," Garth said, as if this was the most normal conversation in the world.

Benny threw Dean an exasperated look, which Dean responded to with a small smile and a shrug. Garth was awesome, and as weird as this shit was, this was hilarious and therefore totally worth it in Dean's opinion.

Benny seemed to agree. "That sounds like a kickass operation," he said to Garth.

Garth beamed. "I know right? You're pretty cool, Benny Boy. Wanna be co-besties with me and Dean?"

"Who wouldn't?" Benny asked, smiling at Garth's exuberance as he pulled Benny and Dean into a massive hug with surprising strength for such a tiny dude.

"What is my life," Dean muttered to himself. Benny overheard and smirked at him.

"I took the liberty of retrieving both of your belongings from the locker room so you wouldn't have to make the trip," Garth said when he pulled away from the hug.

He then pulled out both Benny and Dean's gym bags from his backpack.

Benny looked slightly shocked but also impressed and Dean just grinned. "You're, like, creepy awesome Garth."

"I know," Garth said smugly.

* * *

It was Friday and Dean didn't want to part with his two new co-besties, so he asked Garth and Benny to crash at his place for the night. Garth answered that he had intended to anyway and Benny was just glad he wouldn't have to hobble home on crutches.

Dean led the two of them to his car, Garth chattering animatedly about the mating rituals of squirrels, which apparently Benny found fascinating.

Sam was leaning against the impala waiting for Dean, when he squinted his eyes in confusion upon seeing the group.

"Hey, Sammy," Dean said. "Sorry about the wait. You know Garth already and this is Benny. He's the reason we're late so you can blame him. They're coming over. Benny this is my little bro, Sammy."

Benny glared at Dean. "Sorry about keeping you waiting," he said apologetically.

"No worries," Sam said, an easy smile on his face. "You should know that Dean got my name wrong, though. It's Sam, not Sammy." Sam narrowed his eyes at his older brother.

"Noted," Benny said as Sam helped him drop his bag and books into the backseat. "Thanks, man."

"Sure," Sam said. "Hey, Garth, long time no see. What's new?"

"Benny is Dean and I's new co-bestie," Garth informed Sam joyously. "He's now our ally in Operation GCADTSTCLHEAAAGPPASAGBAT."

"Dude, awesome!" Sam exclaimed as Dean slid into the driver's seat groaning.

Sam and Garth had totally hit it off this morning and had excitedly discussed Dean's love life in great detail. The two of them had come up with the Operation's name together, of course, because Dean's life was just like that.

"You know about Operation GC... uh.. you know about the Operation?" Benny asked.

"Operation GCADTSTCLHEAAAGPPASAGBAT," Garth helpfully corrected him. "Of course Sam knows about it. He's a key player in the Mission."

"Yeah, totally," Sam said excitedly, leaning toward the back seat from his spot in the front of the car as Dean drove out of the parking lot contemplating the weirdness that was his life. "I have an agent on the inside."

"An agent on the inside?" Benny prompted, curious.

"Yes," Garth said, nodding seriously beside Benny. "Sam's homosexual lover, Gabriel, is Castiel's brother."

"Garth!" Sam blushed exasperatedly as Dean cackled beside him. "I told you, Gabe is NOT my homosexual lover, Jesus Christ!"

Garth squinted at Sam, "I'm not so sure, Sam."

"Jesus!" Sam huffed as he dramatically turned to face forward again while Dean and Benny laughed and Garth smirked.

Dean smiled to himself and thought that maybe, just maybe, between the four crazy brains in this car, they could figure out a way to make Operation GCADTSTCLHEAAAGPPASAGBAT work.

* * *

**A/N: I hope you guys liked this chapter! There will be actual Dean/Cas interaction next chapter so stay tuned! ;) But for now, I hope you enjoyed some Garth, Michael, and Benny. Please review because you know how much I love reviews! Xxx**


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N: Hey, guys! Sorry these updates are taking so long, BUT here is the next chapter! Thank you so much for sticking with this story and being so supportive and awesome and nifty and great. I love you.**

* * *

"Oh my god, I cannot believe I died AGAIN," Sam groaned as his character in Super Mario Smash Brothers fell off the stage for the third time in the span of a minute.

"That's cause you suck, Sammy," Dean responded gleefully as his character kicked Benny's off the stage. Benny groaned.

"Actually it's probably more likely that it's because Sam picked a crappy character," Garth pointed out.

"Yeah," Benny smirked. "I mean seriously, Sam? Peach?"

"Hey," Sam defended. "Just because she's a chick doesn't mean she's not badass."

"She doesn't suck because she's a chick, Sam. She sucks because she has zero fighting ability," Dean said as his character (Pit) flung Garth's character off the stage.

"Man, how come you always get to be Pit?" Garth pouted. "Pit's totally the best character."

"Because I'm awesome," Dean replied with a smirk.

"Dude, I'm starving," Benny said as they turned the game off.

"Me too," Dean agreed. He then walked into the other room where his dad was watching tv. "Dad, can we order a pizza? We're hungry."

"Sure, kiddo. As long as your brother the health freak doesn't get his panties in a twist about it."

"I heard that!" Sam said indignantly, appearing behind Dean along with Garth and Benny.

Dean chuckled and exchanged a smirk with Benny while he asked his friends what pizza they liked.

"Hello?" Sam said as his phone rang and he quickly answered. "Gabe? What's wrong? Wait, WHAT? Oh my GOD! Is he okay? Holy SHIT. Was he trying to... oh my god... where are you guys? How is he? Would he want to... you think he'd be okay with that? Okay. We're coming then. We have some friends with us but they're cool. Yeah, I'll see you in a few."

Sam hung up, his hands shaking.

"Dude, what was that?" Dean asked, panicked. "That was Gabe? Was it about Cas? Is Cas okay? Sam!"

"Cas is at the hospital, Dean," Sam said anxiously.

"What, why?" Dean sputtered. "Is he okay? What happened? Sam, answer!"

"Dean..." Sam swallowed nervously. "He's fine now, luckily. But he... he was in a car wreck. He tried to kill himself, Dean."

"SHIT," Dean exclaimed. He kicked the couch and wiped his hand over his face. "Okay, we're going. I don't care if he's mad at me, we're going to the hospital."

"I know," Sam said. "Dean, it's gonna be okay, at least he's not hurt."

Dean nodded and blinked repeatedly.

"Dean," Garth said soothingly, putting a hand on his friend's shoulder. "Try to stay calm. Cas is going to need you to be calm. Benny and I will come with you to the hospital, okay? We'll be there for you." Benny nodded encouragingly behind Garth.

"Come on, boys," John said, putting an encouraging hand on Dean's other shoulder. "I'll drive."

They drove to the hospital in silence, Dean fidgeting nervously in the backseat between Benny and Garth. Gabriel was waiting for them in the lobby when they entered the hospital and he rushed over to them immediately.

"Sam!" he called, running over. "He's up on the fifth floor, I can take you guys to him. Michael got them to allow visitors and I told Cas you were coming."

"What did he say?" Dean asked nervously.

"He just said 'whatever'," Gabriel answered. "I don't think he really believed me..."

Dean anxiously rubbed his hand over his face again. Gabe led them toward the elevator.

"Who are you two?" Gabriel asked Benny and Garth rudely while they were traveling up in the elevator.

"This is Benny and Garth," Sam answered. "They're our friends. They're really cool."

Gabe nodded and shot them a half-hearted smile. When they arrived on the fifth floor, Dean flew out of the elevator as soon as the doors opened. Gabriel directed them down the hall to Castiel's room.

Dean stopped abruptly before going in. He fidgeted anxiously. In an uncharacteristic show of kindness, Gabriel laid an encouraging hand on Dean's shoulder.

"I'll let him know you're here," Gabe said quietly.

Dean nodded and swallowed nervously. Now that he was here, he was scared to death. He was sure Cas hated him now and would yell at him and tell him to leave because this was all his fault.

Before he had time to talk himself into leaving, Gabe exited the room followed by Michael and Anna. The three Novaks gave Dean an encouraging smile before Gabe practically shoved him into the room.

As soon as Dean walked in, he silently thanked whatever God was out there that Cas had come out of the accident basically unscathed. He had a couple of bruises and minor scrapes, but all in all he looked okay. What was more worrying were the cuts all over his arms that Dean could tell were self-inflicted. When his gaze travelled up to Cas's face, he was met with a glare from Cas's blue eyes.

Dean shifted awkwardly. "Hey."

"Dean," Cas replied.

"You okay?" Dean asked stupidly.

"Just awesome," Cas rolled his eyes. "Why are you here?"

"Because you're my best friend, Cas. As soon as I heard, I came."

"Best friends don't do what you did to me, Dean," Cas said, looking away angrily.

"I know," Dean replied quietly. "I'm really sorry, Cas. I'm really really really really REALLY sorry."

"Anna told me, you know," Cas said. "About you two."

"Yeah?" Dean asked awkwardly.

Cas nodded. "She said it wasn't your fault, though. She said she knew you cared about me."

"I do, Cas," Dean said earnestly, rushing forward and standing right by Cas's bed.

"Maybe," Cas said, still not looking at him. "You're a dick, though."

Dean winced but nodded. "Yeah. I really am, man. But I... I miss you, Cas."

"Why?"

"You're the best friend I've ever had, Cas. I've never met anyone like you before. You're smart, you're funny, you're nice, you're weird, you're awesome, you keep me entertained, you help me with my homework, you do dumb shit with me, you're gorgeous, you-"

"Stop, Dean," Cas said, looking at Dean with a pained expression. "If you really thought all of that, you wouldn't have hurt me like you did. That wasn't okay, Dean."

Dean bit his lip. "I know, Cas. I know. And I wish I could take it back. I really wish I could. I don't deserve a friend like you. I know that. I'm a shitty person. A really shitty person. But, Cas, I still really like you. I haven't stopped thinking about you and when I heard you... when I heard you were here, you don't know what it did to me, man. Please. Give me another chance? I know I don't deserve it. I know. But please? I'll make it up to you. I swear. Please?"

Cas finally met his eyes. "You're still a dick, Dean."

"Is that a yes?" Dean asked hopefully.

"It's a kind of," Cas replied. "I've missed you too, Dean. But you really fucking hurt me. So we can be friends again. But nothing more. I'm not gonna let you hurt me like that again, Dean."

Dean grimaced. Then he forced a smile onto his face. "I'll take it," he said, plopping down next to Cas on the bed. "So, dude, you gotta meet my new friends."

"New friends?" Cas asked. "You have friends now? Who would want to be friends with you?"

Dean angrily poked him. "Very funny. I'm actually quite a delight to be around, thank you very much. Their names are Garth and Benny. They're both in our class."

"Garth Fitzgerald and Benny Lafitte? Yeah I've heard of both of them."

"Well, they're right outside, wanna meet 'em?"

Cas paled. "You brought them here? Do they know why I'm here? Dean, I'm... look at my arms."

"Cas," Dean said, nudging his shoulder reassuringly. "They're really great. They won't care. They were hanging with me when we found out and they came along for moral support. They both have super high opinions of you from what me and Sam have told them. They won't care about the cuts, Cas, I promise. They're both great, really. You'll love 'em."

Cas nodded uncertainly and Dean went to go get his other besties. He briefly whispered an update to them before ushering them in and resuming his position next to Cas.

"Hi, Cas!" Garth said excitedly, plopping down on Cas's other side. "I'm Garth! We've never met but we're going to be BFFs, I can just feel it! This is Benny. You'll like him. He and I are Dean's besties just like you."

Cas gave Dean the most confused look Dean had ever seen and Dean couldn't help cracking up.

"Yeah, so that's Garth," Dean said helpfully.

"And I'm Benny," Benny said with an easy smile. "I'm glad you're okay, man, we were worried."

"Thanks," Cas said shyly. "You wanna sit? Everyone else is, and standing can't be fun what with the crutches and all."

"Thanks," Benny smiled, lowering himself onto the bed with everyone else.

"This is SO exciting!" Garth said, bouncing. "I've never had any friends before this month and now I have THREE! Well, four if you include Sam, which I totally do."

Cas stared at Garth, intrigued, as he babbled and Dean exchanged a grin with Benny. The remaining Novaks and Winchesters came in as Garth was going on about all the fun the four of them would have "fucking shit up all over town yo".

"Mr. Winchester! Sam! Hey," Cas said with a smile.

Sam plopped down on the bed with the rest of them, pushing Dean out of the way so he could hug Cas. "Hey, Cas. I've missed you!"

"Me too, Sam," Cas smiled, hugging Sam back.

"Hey, kiddo," John said, coming up and ruffling Cas's hair. "Glad you're okay. I've missed you around here too. No one else will watch Jeopardy with me."

Cas grinned. "I've missed you too, Mr. Winchester. No one at my house will watch Jeopardy with me either."

Michael smiled. "So, Cas, I just talked with the doctor and... um..." he looked pointedly at how full the room was, looking questioningly at Garth and Benny.

"It's okay, they can stay," Cas said. "Whatever you're about to say, they'll hear about it anyway. Apparently we're all best friends now and I've been informed that best friends tell each other everything."

Dean and Benny smirked while Garth nodded earnestly.

Michael quirked an eyebrow. "Okay... well, um, the doctor said physically you're fine but, uh, in light of your history and this being your second suicide attempt this year and, you know, your cutting and eating thing... well, he said they have to transfer you over to the psychiatric hospital. He assured me they have a really great adolescent unit over there. And, hey, don't worry. It will only be for a week, at most, and it's just to make sure you're gonna be okay," Michael said gently.

Cas's eyes widened. "You're sending me to a mental hospital?" he asked with a note of hysteria in his voice.

"Cas, it's not a mental hospital. Not really," Michael said encouragingly. "The doctor said the teens there are all there temporarily and it's just a place for depressed or anxious kids to get back on their feet, ya know? And we'll visit you all the time and it will only be for a few days. Everyone's just really worried about you, Cas, ya know?"

"It's really not so bad, I've been there before, actually," Garth said. Everyone turned to look at him in mild surprise. "Yeah, my freshman year I had really bad anxiety and I couldn't go to school without panic attacks and so they sent me there and the doctors helped and I got medication that worked. It really wasn't so bad at all, Cas." Garth said, nodding at Cas encouragingly.

Dean shot Garth a grateful look and nudged Cas's shoulder. "Don't worry about it, Cas. We'll come see you all the time til you get out and maybe they'll find medication that helps you too."

Cas looked skeptical. "I don't want to be treated like I'm crazy," he said firmly. "But I don't really get a choice, do I?" he looked up at Michael.

Michael winced apologetically. "Sorry. You're a minor so it's policy. I think it could be a good thing, though. And, Cas, I've been so worried. If this might help, will you please give it a chance for me?"

"And," Gabriel said, speaking up for the first time since they came into the room. "No one is gonna treat you like you're crazy. Out of all the people in this room, you're definitely one of the most sane. You're loads saner than me. Dean here has anger issues that make your depression seem non-existent. Sam doesn't like junk food so you know he's batshit crazy. I only just met Garth but Sam tells me he has a sock puppet so, you know. I don't really know Benny but if he hangs out with these loons, there must be something wrong with him. Mr. Winchester raised Sam and Dean and seeing how they turned out, you know something must be wrong upstairs with him. Michael punched Dad that one time so he's definitely unpredictably wacko and Anna likes Kesha so she's probably the craziest of us all."

Everyone in the room smirked and nodded reluctantly at Gabe's assessment and Cas relaxed a bit. "Alright. When do I have to go?"

"You can spend the night here, but you'll be transferred tomorrow," Michael answered.

Cas nodded. "Can someone stay with me?"

"I dunno," Michael said. "I'll ask, k? Who do you want with you?"

Cas looked at Dean inquiringly and Dean felt his heart speed up and his mind flood with relief. After all this, Cas still relied on him and still wanted him close. Dean nodded reassuringly at him.

"Dean, if it's okay," Cas said to Michael.

Michael looked at John who shrugged. "Alright, I'll see what I can do," Michael said before smiling at his little brother and leaving to find the doctor, John with him.

"You guys can still spend the night at our house if Dean ends up staying here," Sam said to Garth and Benny. "Gabe, you can come over too. We could probably all use the company."

"Thanks," Benny said gratefully and Garth grinned.

"You're the best, Sam," Garth exclaimed. Gabe rolled his eyes.

"I'm intrigued by your new friends so I'll totally take you up on that," Gabriel smirked. Sam beamed.

"Hey, can you guys not tell anyone at school about this?" Cas asked.

"Dude, of course we won't," Dean said. Sam, Gabe, Benny, and Garth all nodded in agreement.

"People have been asking what's going on with you, though," Gabe said. "And they'll keep asking. What do you want us to say?"

"I can start any rumor you want and make sure it gets around!" Garth said helpfully.

"Tell everyone he had mono," Benny suggested. "It lasts a while and it's contagious so he wouldn't be allowed to go to school or anything so it's believable."

Cas nodded. "Yeah, sounds good. Spread that around, Garth."

Garth saluted. "My pleasure."

"Isn't mono the kissing disease?" Sam asked.

"People are gonna be wondering who you've been kissing, Cas," Gabe smirked. "Everyone will probably assume it's Dean."

Cas blushed and looked away.

Dean shrugged. "They can assume whatever they want."

Cas smiled and then he spotted Anna hanging around by the window by herself. "Hey, Anna?" he called. "Sit over here with the rest of us? You know I'm not mad at you, right?"

Anna smiled gratefully. "Sure," she said. She then flung herself onto the bed in between Gabe and Benny. "I'm really glad you're okay, Cas," she said earnestly, squeezing her brother's knee.

"I know, Anna," Cas replied, smiling back at her.

"So, Anna," Dean said. "How's that crush on the girl in your class going?"

Anna blushed. Gabe wheeled around to face her. "You have a crush on a girl in your class and you didn't tell me? Anna! I thought we were friends," Gabriel pouted.

"Her name's Charlie," Anna said quietly. "We've been hanging out some but I dunno if she's into me... I don't even know if she's a lesbian."

"Charlie Bradbury?" Garth asked. "I can totally find out for you. You two would be such a cute couple!" Garth gushed excitedly.

Anna smiled. "Could you? You're the best, Garth!"

"I know," Garth said.

Benny rolled his eyes. "You guys are such girls. At least Anna has an excuse. I mean, she is a girl. But the rest of you... gossiping like a bunch of old ladies."

"What about you, Benny?" Sam pried. "Got your eye on anyone?"

Six pairs of eyes turned curiously to Benny and he blushed. "Maybe."

"Benny!" Garth exclaimed. "How could you not tell me! Come on, spill!"

Dean smirked. He and Benny had already talked about this.

"Her name's Tessa," Benny said, blushing.

"Oh, I know her!" Cas said. "She's in my piano class. She's really good. She's nice too."

"Ah, so she's a musician," Anna nodded approvingly. "That's hot."

Everyone nodded in agreement.

"Okay, yeah, enough about my love life," Benny said, embarrassed. "What about you, Garth?"

"Oh, I'm totally smitten with my theatre costar, Pamela Barnes," Garth said seriously.

"DUDE," Gabe said excitedly. "I can totally hook you up, man, she's in my class. She's awesome, too, good choice."

Dean smiled. He surreptitiously looked over at Cas and saw that he was smiling too. Dean could get used to having all his friends here, like this. Even Gabe, who he had to admit was growing on him, and Anna, whose presence wasn't really awkward at all, considering.

Michael and John reentered the room followed by a doctor.

"Hey," Michael said, smirking at the crowded bed. "Dean can stay the night with you and you'll be checked in on regularly just to be safe because they want to monitor you or whatever. Visiting hours are technically over so we all have to head out, but call if you need anything tonight, k?"

Michael reached over to ruffle his little brother's hair and he motioned for Gabe and Anna to follow him.

"Gabe's gonna come back to our place with me, Benny, and Garth, if that's okay?" Sam said, glancing at his dad and Michael.

"Sure," they both said. Gabe and Sam grinned and then everyone said bye to Cas before heading out.

The doctor then moved in with some sort of medical machine and smiled at Cas. "Hey, you feeling better?" he asked.

"Yes, actually," Cas said, returning his smile. "This is my friend, Dean."

Dean waved.

"I heard," the doctor said. "Hey, Dean. You gonna be good sharing the bed in here tonight?"

Dean nodded.

"Cool," the doctor said. "Okay, Cas, I just need to check your vitals again, then I'll let you guys go to sleep."

After the doctor took his temperature and blood pressure, he said goodnight and left, scrawling something onto his clipboard.

"Thanks for staying with me, Dean," Cas said, turning to look at Dean.

"Of course, man," Dean replied. "I wouldn't ditch ya."

Cas smiled. "I really have missed you, Dean."

"Me too," Dean said quietly. "Cas, why did you do this? If you had died, I... Cas, you don't know what that would have done to me. You're like... you don't know how much you mean to me, ya know? I don't think I ever would have gotten over it."

"I'm sorry," Cas said. "I didn't know. I won't do it again."

"Promise?" Dean asked, looking at Cas earnestly.

"Promise."

Dean nodded, satisfied, then laid down on his back to look at the ceiling. Cas followed suit. "You know," Dean said, "Garth and Benny are awesome but they're not you. You know what I've missed?"

"What?" Cas smirked.

"Showing you my drawings. And seeing yours."

Cas smiled. "I've missed that too."

"You should draw me stuff while you're in the hospital," Dean suggested.

"Only if you draw me stuff to give me when you visit me in the hospital."

"Deal," Dean grinned.

Cas smiled and linked their fingers together. "Let's go to sleep. I'm tired."

"Sure. Night, Cas."

"Night, Dean," Cas said. He looked at Dean hesitantly for a second, then leaned forward and kissed his forehead. He retreated with a shy smile then turned over and shut his eyes.

Dean was grinning as he drifted off to sleep.

* * *

"GOOOOOOD MORNIN! GOOD MORRRRRRNIN!" Dean sung, poking Castiel. "IT'S GREAT TO STAY UP LATE. GOOD MORNIN. GOOD MORNIN. TO YOUUUU!"

Castiel groaned and shoved a pillow in his face.

"GOOD MORNIN! GOOD MORRRRNIN! WE'VE GABBED THE WHOLE NIGHT THROUGH GOOD MORNIN. GOOD MORNIN. TO YOU!"

"Dean," Castiel muttered exasperatedly. "It is entirely too early for you to be screeching showtunes at me."

"Dude," Dean said. "It is never too early for Singin in The Rain. Come on, man, wake up. I'm bored and lonely."

"And annoying," Castiel added, glaring at his friend.

Dean pouted. "I'm not annoying. I'm friggin adorable."

"Not at this ungodly hour you're not."

"Bite me."

Castiel found himself smiling in spite of himself. Oh, how he had missed Dean Winchester.

Castiel hadn't forgiven him yet. Far from it. He was still deeply hurt and looking at Dean was still kind of painful if he let himself remember what had happened. But he knew he was never going to get over Dean. He loved him. How could he not? And it looked like Dean was really sorry and like he was really going to try this time. So Castiel was going to give him another chance.

Castiel groaned as he sat up and stretched. "What time is it?"

"6:30," Dean said cheerily, grinning at him.

"6:30?!" Castiel responded, eyebrows bouncing up. "Why do you hate me?"

"I don't hate you. I was bored. I couldn't sleep." Then Dean tried to pull the puppy dog face.

Castiel laughed at him.

"Dean, you suck at the puppy dog face. Leave it to Sam and me. We're the experts in that field."

Dean then proceeded to flip Castiel off. Castiel grinned.

Maybe things really would work out. Castiel hoped so.

* * *

John Winchester sighed as he dropped the kids off at his house and leaned back in his seat. What a day.

He trusted Sam to hold down the fort and not let anything too crazy go down, so he left the boys at home while he went to the bar.

He just needed to turn his brain off because he was turning into one of the parents on those obnoxious teenage dramas. Like Secret Life of the American Teenager or whatever. Not that he'd ever watched that show before.

Okay maybe him and Dean had watched an episode or two when it came on one day but really it was intriguing and they had really wanted to know why that chick was dating that one guy when the other guy was the one who got her pregnant.

Anyway.

John pulled into the parking lot of The Roadhouse, the town's local bar. John really hadn't been there in a while, but he remembered thinking the place was pretty nice.

He walked in and felt himself sigh again as he sat on one of the stools at the bar. The bartender, a pretty brunette who was about his age, came up to him and winced sympathetically.

"Hey, there," she said with a thick southern accent. "Rough day?'

John snorted. "Rough month."

"I know the feeling. Well, what can I get ya?"

"Just some beer please," John said, smiling at her.

"Comin right up," the bartender said, returning the smile.

John drummed his fingers on the counter, humming some Rolling Stones to himself while he waited.

"Thanks," he said when the bartender returned with his beer. "I'm John, by the way."

"I'm Ellen," the bartender replied. "This here is my bar."

"You own this place?" John asked, impressed.

"Sure do," Ellen said, smiling proudly. "What do you do?"

"I run an auto shop," John said. "I'm a mechanic."

"That's handy," Ellen replied. "So, what's got you all worn out this evening?"

John sighed and chuckled. "It's a long story that probably belongs on ABC Family or something. You probably don't wanna hear it."

Ellen laughed. "Well, I don't have anything better to do. Light night. So spill, John."

"Well it starts with my oldest son having a sexuality crisis," John began.

John then proceeded to tell Ellen the whole story of his two boys and Cas and the Novaks. Then he got to Garth and Benny and Ellen laughed heartily at his description of Garth. Then he recounted the events of the evening and Ellen sighed sadly.

"Poor Cas," she said, wincing sympathetically. "You think he's gonna be okay?"

"I really hope so," John replied, looking down at his beer. "He's like a son to me. What about you, you got any kids?"

"Sure do," Ellen said, smiling again. "I got a son named Ash and a daughter named Joanna Beth, although she insists on going by 'Jo'. Ash is a senior in high school and Jo is a junior. They're good kids. Don't have a daddy, though. He died when they were young."

John made a sympathetic noise. "Same with Sam and Dean's mom. She died in a fire when Sammy was just six months old."

"Bill was a cop. He died on the job. Ash was five and Jo was four," Ellen said sadly.

"I'm sorry," John said, touching her arm.

"Me too," Ellen returned, with a smile.

"So," John said, swallowing nervously. It had been quite a while since he'd done this. "You got a boyfriend, Ellen?"

"What's it to ya?" Ellen smirked.

Dammit. She was gonna make this hard for him.

John pasted on his most charming smile. "Well, if the position is open, I know someone who might like to fill it."

Ellen leaned forward smiling. "Yeah? Who might that be?"

John leaned forward too. "Just this guy I know. He's a mechanic. Real charming. Dashing smile. I think you'd like him."

Ellen laughed. "Maybe I would." She then pulled a pen and a napkin out of her apron pocket. "Why don't you tell your friend, the charming mechanic, to give me a call so we can find out," she said, scrawling her number down and handing it to John.

John winked. "I'll do that."

Ellen smirked and turned to deal with another customer.

John grinned. Yup, he's still got it.

Winchester swag.

* * *

**A/N: As always, please don't hesitate to review because I love reviews so much. Like, more than Dean loves pie. Yeah.**


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